Category Archives: Reviews

Review: L’amourose Rosa Rouge

pennysblog_rosarougeThe L’amourose Rosa Rouge is a swanky vibrator, with its jewel motif, soft silicone, and sleek design and packaging. If Gatsby hosted orgies, Rosas would be as abundant as champagne and lacy panties. The Rosa Rouge arouses me before I even turn on its vibration, and I’m not just talking about its drool worthy aesthetic.

What is this sorcery?

The Rosa Rogue isn’t just a vibrator… it’s a heating vibrator. It kind of feels like I’m masturbating with hot lava, but in the best way. It’s like a little spa treatment for my clit. A clit sauna. A little private sunny island vacay for my vulva…with orgasms instead of Mai Tais.

Since there are so many vibrators on the market these days, companies are constantly trying to come up with novel features to keep people interested. There are vibes that are suppossed to act like fingers, vibes meant to mimic oral, vibes that look like aliens…and I’m all for variety, but often these toys are just gimmicky and would be better off with a more basic design.

But Rosa Rogue’s heating is definitely not a gimmick. Oh man, I love it. If I put it on my clit for the few minutes it takes to heat up to 104-107 degrees1, I get super aroused, and by the time it’s warmed up, my clit is ready to party, and its rumbly vibration is heavenly. It’s not quite as strong and rumbly as Tango, but it can still hang, even with die hard Tango fans.

Other things I love about Rosa: it’s quiet, rechargeable, waterproof, lockable for travel, and it comes with an 18 month warranty. The charger base also rocks–it’s super easy to use, and it’s obvious when it’s done charging.

So far I’ve mentioned that my clit loves Rosa’s heating and vibration. Specifically, the shaft’s vibration. But Rosa is also designed to be a dual stimulator–the shaft is curved for g-spot vibration and the base is meant for simultaneous clitoral stimulation…but Rosa doesn’t work for me that way.

Rosa’s shaft provides deep, rumbly vibrations (hell yes!), while the base’s vibrations are less powerful and buzzier (sad face.) So when I insert Rosa’s shaft and use it as intended, my clit is underwhelmed by the base’s weaker vibration. My g-spot gets all of the strong rumblies, but my g-spot doesn’t need vibration, it needs pressure and/or thrusting, which Rosa’s flexible shaft can’t provide adequately… so neither my clit nor my g-spot are satisfied.

Other than the base not working out well for me and the flexible shaft, the main complaint I have with Rosa is the controls. Since they’re tiny and embedded in the silicone, they’re really difficult to see and control, and Rosa definitely needs an easy off button.2

So, the ultimate question here is, should you drop $240 on the Rosa Rouge? Is it worth it?

My g-spot says no. My wallet says hells no. But my clit says yassss!

For Rosa to be absolutely perfect and totally worth the hefty price tag for me, it would need to have a firmer shaft, easier to find buttons, and it would probably need to bring me coffee and/or pizza and cuddle with me while watching Buffy. But if you like powerful, rumbly vibrations, think you’ll enjoy the heating feature, and have an extra $240 lying around to invest in quality orgasms, Rosa is still a solid choice as is.

If you’re not interested in heating, there’s also the plain Rosa (available in emerald, cerise, and black) for $180. If both Rosa Rouge and plain Rosa are way out of your price range and you still want a strong petite vibe without warming, consider the Touch or Tango instead. If you’re looking for a dual stimulator, Rosa could work for you that way if you’re cool with rumbly, strong internal vibration, less powerful clitoral/external vibration and a flexible shaft.

Rosa Rouge is available at SheVibe, Lovehoney US, & Lovehoney UK!

Thanks for sending me the Rosa Rouge in exchange for an honest review, L’amourose!


  1. 40-42 degrees Celcius 

  2. You have to hold down the – for about 3 seconds to get it to turn off. 

Review: Vixen Creations Johnny

pennysblog_johnny2

When I got my first three VixSkin dildos (Buck, Johnny, & Tex), in my early notes for Johnny I wrote: Girthy. Delicious. Maybe my fave of the three. After months of using them all, Buck ended up winning the battle for my absolute favorite, but I still love Johnny as well.

Johnny is made of Vixen Creations’ addictive VixSkin dual density silicone, which features a firm core and a squishy, soft, skin-like outer layer. It feels incredibly realistic, and since it’s silicone, it’s hygienic and non-porous, unlike the majority of realistic dildos you see in a lot of sex toy stores that are often made of toxic materials (dildos you couldn’t pay me to touch now, much less put near my genitals.)

Johnny is similar to Buck in that it’s large (7″ long), uber-realistic, and quite girthy (1.75″) and veiny, but the most obvious difference is that Johnny has balls. Slightly lopsided, wrinkly, glorious balls. Johnny also has a more prominent curve, a longer, less pronounced head, and foreskin texture.

And let’s talk about that curve, shall we: it’s absolutely perfect for putting constant, fabulous pressure on my g-spot. Its head doesn’t protrude as much as Buck’s, so the g-spot stimulation feels different–it strokes more than it nudges or tugs.  Johnny’s girth stretches me in an exquisite way, and its foreskin’s texture feels great stimulating my vaginal opening and g-spot during thrusting. The combination of Johnny’s curve, girth, and texture usually ends with a squirty mess.

pennysblog_johnny1

Johnny’s balls are pretty epic, but they also make it a little harder to wield. I’m glad I have Johnny because I feel like my collection would be sadly lacking without a big, ballsy cock, but overall the balls don’t really add much for me during use.

Johnny is not a toy for when my vag is feeling finicky: I need to be in the zone. And I don’t go from zero to Johnny–I start with something smaller like Tex or Mustang, and move on to Johnny when my vag is like ok that feels good, now LET’S DO THIS! Its girth and texture also requires that I use quite a bit of lube, and every time I use Johnny I get a little closer to finally caving and getting a lube dispenser.

Another thing I should mention that’s come up since my Buck review–VixSkin is delicate and should be treated gently. Don’t ask me how it happened, but my Buck now has some light teeth marks around its head. They’re not so deep that it’s ruined, but I’m just saying…don’t let human (or pet) teeth get a hold of your VixSkin dildos.

If you’re looking for a curved, girthy, realistic dildo with hefty balls and some texture, you’ll probably love Johnny. If you don’t want balls, but you still want a girthy realistic dildo for intense g-spot stimulation, go with Buck. If you’re looking for a slimmer, shorter dildo, Mustang and Tex are both less girthy but still feature awesome g-spotting heads. Whatever you do, if you don’t have any VixSkin yet, get some! It’s a game changer.

Like all Vixen dildos, Johnny has a flared based (and balls!), so it’s safe for anal play and can be used in a harness. My Johnny is caramel, but it also comes in vanilla and chocolate.

Johnny is available at SheVibeLovehoney US, Lovehoney UK, or directly from Vixen.

What’s next on my Wishlist from Vixen Creations? Randy (Vixen’s girthiest dildo), which was in my 15 sex toys I want to try in 2015 list!

Thanks Vixen Creations for sending me Johnny in exchange for an honest review! (If you buy through my affiliate links I will make a small commission, but this does not affect my reviews, which are always fair and honest. Trust me, I will tell you when a toy sucks.)

Review: We-Vibe Tango & Touch

pennysblog_2touchandtango

Let’s cut to the chase: vibrators like the We-Vibe Tango and Touch make me thank goddess I have a clitoris.

If you’ve ever visited one of the big sex toy mega-stores, you know there is no shortage of vibrator options. The problem is that a lot of them are crap. Many are made of unsafe materials, and even the ones that are safe are often badly designed, or are too weak, or too buzzy.

If you’re not familiar with vibration types, “buzzy” vibration feels like a tickle–it’s also described as “surface level,” because it only stimulates the surface area where you put it. I can sometimes orgasm from buzzy vibrations, but the orgasms usually feel weak and unsatisfying.1 Rumbly vibrations on the other hand, travel further and deeper. So if you’re using a vibrator clitorally, a buzzy vibrator only stimulates the clitoral glans, or wherever you put it, whereas a rumbly vibrator will stimulate wherever you put it, as well as the deeper, inner clitoris. This translates to stronger, more satisfying orgasms.

Enter the We-Vibe Tango & Touch. The Tango is made of hard plastic and features a straight, “bullet,” lipstick-like design, with an angled tip, and the Touch is made of silky matte silicone, with a broader design that features a cup-like tip to cover the clit. The reason I’m reviewing them together is because although they have different designs, they feature the same motor.

And let’s talk about that motor–because it’s what makes these vibes so unique, and so amazing. It’s strong. Miraculously strong. Perhaps more importantly, it’s also super rumbly. Like, mini earthquakes rumbly. And strong, rumbly vibration=incredibly strong, intense orgasms. To whoever created that motor–you are a hero!

pennysblog_tango

Since it’s smaller and made of hard plastic, the Tango is the stronger vibrator of the two. It’s so strong that I can use it over panties, and it’s also one of the only vibrators that can make me come without direct clitoral contact, its rumbly vibration awakening my inner clit. I am often greedy about my orgasms though, so I use it directly too, and I can come in record time. Like, Hitachi or Eroscillator fast…except it’s much smaller, and not a plug-in! The Tango’s angled tip is great for pinpoint stimulation, but you can also use its body for a little more surface area.

The Tango is so strong that one time while I was using it with Jake, I came almost the entire time we were having sex, and my vag got so tight from constant squeezing that Jake legit had a hard time staying inside of me. He had to thrust super hard to keep my vag from pushing him out. It’s also so fabulous that I’ve actually dreamed about masturbating with it. No one else was with me in my dream, nothing particularly interesting was happening…I was just using the Tango on my clit. It’s quite literally the stuff dreams are made of.

The Tango is also really versatile since it’s the same size as standard bullets, so you can use it to replace the generic bullets that come with a lot of vibrating dildos/butt plugs.

pennysblog_touch

Since the Touch is broader and its vibrations have to travel through silicone, they’re dampened a little and not quite as strong as the Tango–but don’t get me wrong, they’re still strong. The Touch also offers more surface area, which I like, and it’s concave area is great for cupping my clit, surrounding it with vibration. During sex with a partner, I usually prefer using the Touch, because I don’t need vibration to be as strong during penetration, and it’s easier to hold. (And sometimes the Tango can actually be too stimulating/overwhelming for me during sex.)

Both the Tango and the Touch are powered by a single button and feature 4 steady vibration power levels as well as 4 vibration patterns. To change the vibration, you click the button, and it will cycle through the functions. If you turn off the vibe (by holding down the button for a couple of seconds) and then turn it back on, it starts on the setting you used last. I can come one the first power level using either toy…and then I can orgasm again if I keep going, moving on to the stronger levels. I don’t use it often because I usually prefer steady vibration, but I do enjoy the Wave pattern. I’m not a big fan of the other 3 though–they feel a little too robotic.

Low
 =yes!
Medium
 =oh goddess, yes!
High
 =oh, fuck, yesssss!
Ultra
 =OMFG I AM ONE WITH THE UNIVERSE, YES!
Tease
 =Meh.
Wave
 =An enjoyable tease.
Pulse
 =Make it stop!
Cha-cha
 =No.

Not only are the Tango and Touch strong and rumbly, they’re also stealthy. A lot of vibrators claim to be whisper quiet–but in this case, they actually are. They’re I’m sleeping on a friend’s couch and want to orgasm really quickly before bed quiet. They’re come fast in the bathroom quiet. Hell, I bet they’re so quiet that you could use one in the bed next to a sleeping partner without waking them strong, though I haven’t tested that theory.

In addition to being strong, rumbly, and discreet, the Tango and Touch are also waterproof and rechargeable. They take 90 minutes to charge, and they last for up to 2 hours of use. When their batteries are running low, the power button blinks like a homing beacon, letting you know that you need to charge them ASAP. This can be somewhat annoying if they’re on your bed stand, but overall I appreciate this feature, because a Tango or Touch dying mid-use is excruciating.

So you’re probably thinking that there must be a downside to these vibes. They couldn’t be perfect, could they? They’re pretty damn close, but there are a few things. For one, the whole Tango vibrates, so your fingers do feel the vibration as well. This doesn’t happen as much with the Touch, though you still get a little bit of vibration in the handle part. I also wish the charge lasted longer. It seems that almost every day, they’re blinking, telling me to charge them again. And as I mentioned earlier, I don’t like most of the functions, but that’s not a big deal to me.

The last and worst problem, which applies to the Tango in particular, is that they can die easily. I’ve heard that We-Vibe updated their electrical boards since the first generation of Tangos to decrease the number of failed units, AKA sad, dead vibrators, which was a good move on We-Vibe’s part. My first version Tango died suddenly mid-wank one day, and to my dismay, it would never hold a charge after that. I’ve had my new Tango & Touch for 3 months now and haven’t had any problems, but I’ve heard some people still have. Still, they come with a 1-year manufacturer’s warranty, so if that happens within the first year, you can get it replaced quickly.

The current Tango and Touch are the second generation, and there are a few differences from the original design. I had the original Tango, but I never tried the original Touch. The most important difference is that the old Touch was also not as strong and made of a different type of silicone that attracted link and hair more easily. The Tango is pretty much the same, with a slightly longer design. They both feature an updated, less finicky charger. For a detailed description of all of the differences between the old and new versions, check out Dangerous Lilly’s reviews.

So, which should you get?

Both! Ok, but if you have to choose…

If all you care about is having the most powerful vibrations, get the Tango. If you’re willing to sacrifice a little bit of vibration strength for a vibe that’s more ergonomic, or if you prefer broader stimulation or soft toys, get the Touch. They’re both strong, quiet, waterproof, and rechargeable, so you really can’t go wrong with either though, unless you don’t like powerful, rumbly vibration.

dusk

So what’s next on my wishlist from We-Vibe? The Dusk! I included it in my 15 sex toys I want to try in 2015 list, because Epiphora says you can have hands free orgasms with the Dusk+Tango…OMFG, y’all!

Get the Tango in blue or pink from Shevibe or in pink from Lovehoney US or Lovehoney UK!

Get the Touch in purple from SheVibe, Lovehoney US, or Lovehoney UK!

*The Tango & Touch were sent by We-Vibe in exchange for my honest review–thanks We-Vibe! If you buy through my links, I will receive a small commission. If you want to support my blog, please clear your cache & cookies first to ensure I get credit–thanks!

 


  1. No, not all orgasms are created equal. 

Review: LELO Mona Wave

pennysblog_monas1

For many sex toy aficionados, the LELO Mona Wave was one of the most anticipated toys this year. Almost everyone I know loves the regular Mona vibrator, so a new Mona with added “come hither,” finger-like motion that comes in beautiful, midnight blue…it must be a miracle, right?

Not exactly. If I had to sum up Mona Wave in a word it would be: disappointing. I don’t hate it and have (somewhat) enjoyed using it, but it could use some major improvements.

In case you haven’t heard of the original Mona, it’s a sleek, silicone, rechargeable vibrator designed for g-spot stimulation. I actually prefer mine for clitoral stimulation, especially combined with dildos because it’s fairly strong, with a wide range of vibration and an easy to grip handle. It’s not the holy grail of g-spot toys for me, but it is for many others. It’s widely loved, so much so that people have made shrines to it, they have back up Monas, and most sex bloggers sing its praises.

The new Mona Wave looks very similar to original Mona. It features the same silky smooth silicone and overall design– the main difference is its control panel, which is made of silicone (instead of hard plastic), with built in, seamless buttons that don’t light up (as opposed to regular Mona’s, which do.) And obviously, it has motion. Here’s a quick overview of its functions:

1- Motion, with vibration

2- Slower motion, with waves of vibration (Useless)

3- Motion, with waves of vibration (My favorite)

4- Motion, quick pulsing vibration

5- Motion, erratic pulsing/waving vibration

6- Motion, no vibration

7- Steady vibration

8- Waves of vibration

9- Quick pulsing vibration

10- Erratic pulsing/waving vibration

pennysblog_monas2I am often in the mood for lazy orgasms (that’s why I still love my Hitachi), so I thought I’d love that the Mona Wave could move around inside of me by itself. It took me quite a bit of finagling it around to see what worked, but after a while, I found the way it works best for me–holding onto it firmly, pushing the handle down, so its arm moves up against my g-spot. Holding it any other way just doesn’t give my g-spot enough pressure or do much for me. Since I have to grip it firmly to take advantage of its motion, it’s somewhat awkward for me to hold. And I’ve tried thrusting with it, but the feeling of the motion is lost when I do, which kind of defeats the purpose of a moving vibrator.

At first, Mona Wave’s arm feels good–sort of like a finger. I start to get that need to squirt g-spot feeling with minimal effort…but then I want need more. If I was using a dildo, this is the time when I’d start thrusting harder and faster. If I was with a partner, they’d move faster, add another finger, something to up the intensity.

The problem with Mona Wave is that its movement is not adjustable, nor is its speed. It only moves 30 degrees. It will not go any faster. And when I get tired of the first mode (movement+vibration) and click through to the second function to try something else, it actually gets slower, which pisses me off every time. I do enjoy the third function’s waving vibration+movement, but the movement still isn’t what I’d like it to be. I can orgasm from it, but I rarely squirt. And when I do, it’s usually the Tiniest Squirt Ever. It just doesn’t have the intensity I need to leave my legs shaking and my Throe soaked.

The Mona Wave is touted as offering a come hither motion for “finger-like” g-spot stimulation. When I picture “finger-like motion,” I picture something curling up inside of me, tugging on my g-spot, stroking it, moving faster when needed. I don’t picture a finger that only moves 30 degrees and stays at the same damn speed the whole time. When I first got the Mona Wave, I sent a video of it to my best friend. “That’s it? That is so not a come hither motion” was her reaction. Yep–that pretty much sums it up.

When I use Mona Wave clitorally, all I can think is robot finger. Since I can hold Mona Wave and allow it to stroke my clit, it does feel similar to a finger touching me, which is pretty damn cool–a robot finger, granted, because the movement is metronomical, but still cool. Since its pace is predictable, it takes me a long time to come, but when I finally do after all of the build up, it feels pretty explosive. I still think it would benefit from more variance in speed and movement clitorally though, just as it would for g-spot stimulation.

There’s one major problem with the Mona Wave’s motion though, y’all, no matter how you’re using it: the weird noise. The original Mona isn’t exactly silent, but at least I can easily tune out its low hum of vibration. I cannot tune out Mona Wave’s annoying sound. It’s so obnoxious that Jake could hear it from the other room, where he was sawing wood. No joke. Not even wearing headphones and listening to porn will drown it out. It is incredibly distracting and the biggest deterrent to me wanting to use it.

Vibration wise, Mona Wave feels slightly less powerful at full power than regular Mona, which is also a shame. Otherwise, it’s similar, with the same moderately rumbly vibration at its lower settings and buzzier vibrations at its stronger levels. It also has less vibration functions, 4 vs Mona’s 10.

Using the Mona Wave’s control panel is a little different from Mona–instead of pressing the +/- buttons to start and adjust the vibration and then the ▲/▼ buttons to cycle through the functions, you simply click the middle of the panel, and it will turn on and begin at the last setting you used, which is pretty rad and also makes it easier to quickly turn off. It’s slightly harder to find the buttons during use, since they aren’t raised and don’t light up like regular Mona’s, but you could argue that it’s easier to clean since the buttons don’t have crevices.  Like Mona, you can adjust the vibration power during any function with the +/- buttons. You also have the option making its curve more prominent if you hit the ▲ button to stop it just right when switching from motion to its steady vibration mode.

As is standard of LELO toys, Mona Wave is waterproof/submergible, rechargeable (2 hours for full charge), and comes with a satin storage bag, a sample LELO lube packet, and a 1 year manufacturer’s warranty/10 year guarantee.

pennysblog_monas3I wish LELO had asked me to test out the Mona Wave before it was released, because I think it has the potential to be a fantastic vibrator with some improvements. Obviously, the sound needs to go, and I wish it could move faster and possibly more than 30 degrees. If it had a motion function that had a sort of unpredictable, erratic movement so you didn’t know what was coming (like a real finger)–that’d be even better.

As is though, I don’t recommend dropping $179 on it. Sure, it can make me come–but its sound is a constant annoyance, and I don’t want my orgasms mixed with frustration. If it was as strong as Mona and wasn’t so damn loud, I’d probably recommend getting it over regular Mona because why not have the option of masturbating with a robot finger? And hello, just look at the gorgeous blue one!1 And if it moved more and faster, maybe I could forgive its awful sound. But since it’s loud and doesn’t give me what I want, I’ll rarely use it. Unless LELO fixes some of the issues I’ve mentioned, I’m staying loyal to regular Mona.

I should disclaim here that I’m not a huge fan of regular Mona’s shape for g-spot stimulation, so there’s a chance you might love the Mona Wave’s motion even though I don’t. If you don’t need a lot of movement or speed for g-spot stimulation and think you can get over the noise, go for it. If the sound makes you so frustrated that you throw it against the wall though, I’ll have to say I told you so.

All of that said, I did have some epic double Mona orgasms (with Mona Wave pushing up on my g-spot and original Mona on my clit) that almost let me overlook its noise…but I shouldn’t need 2 versions of a toy to enjoy it properly. And come on, for $179 I expect a vibrator that doesn’t sound like a cheap POS. $179 buys a lot of pizza.

If you want it, get the Mona Wave directly from Lelo or from SheVibe, one of my fave retailers.

Thanks for sending me the Mona Wave in exchange for my honest review, LELO!


  1. I didn’t get my choice of color. 

Review: Tantus Slow Drive

pennysblog_slowdriveThe Tantus Slow Drive doesn’t look like much. With only 5 insertable inches & a 1.2″ max girth, it’s not lengthy or girthy. But the Slow Drive proves that you shouldn’t judge a dildo by its size–even though it’s smaller than most of my dildos, the Slow Drive’s perfect-for-g-spotting curve makes it stand out in a sea of sex toys.

Made of smooth, glossy, single density Tantus silicone, the Slow Drive is firm, but it still has some flex and give. It features a curved tip for g-spot or prostate stimulation, and it has a flared base, so it can be used in a harness.

Since it’s petite, the Slow Drive is effortless to insert for me. It is its own warm up. With a little bit of lube, its smooth silicone glides easily, and its “come hither” curve immediately gives me the I-need-to-squirt feeling. It feels intense, but since it’s so smooth and small, it’s not too intense. It’s definitely not as extreme as my other favorite g-spot dildos like the Pure Wand or Comet, but that’s ok–it’s just a different type of g-spot stimulation.

It may sound cliché, but the Slow Drive’s name was aptly chosen–it’s one of those toys that’s great for taking your time, warming up, and letting arousal build gradually. I usually start slow, using the curve to “tug” on my g-spot, and eventually move on to faster thrusting, which often ends up with squirting all over my Throe. On the flip side, I can also combine it with a clit vibe and have a blended orgasm fairly quickly if I’m in the mood.

I’ve also tried the Slow Drive anally since it’s manageable for my butt1, and I can get some subtle g-spot pressure from it that way. I tried it on Jake (by hand) as well–he’s still fairly new to prostate play, and when I asked him how it was after using it on him, he said it felt nice but not super intense. I haven’t tried it for pegging, but since it’s harness compatible it could be used that way, though I’d probably go with the Slow Drive Long for that, since it’s rather short.

My main complaint about the Slow Drive is that it’s not available in the gorgeous, glowing lime green anymore, though I’m thankful it still comes in the lovely, shimmery silver version I have. Its unique triangular base is also slightly less comfortable for me to hold than classic round bases, but it’s not a big deal. On the plus side, the unique base means you know which way it’s pointing, which is helpful if you’re using it on someone else. Also, the Slow Drive might be too short for some, so if you prefer more length to hold on to, check out the Slow Drive Long.

The Slow Drive is an amazing little g-spotter.  It’s now my go-to recommendation for an affordable first g-spot dildo, since it’s perfect for firm but not too extreme g-spot stimulation. Since it’s small, smooth, and doesn’t have a pronounced head, it’s perfect for beginners, those who don’t want a lot of girth, and people who have issues with other toys catching on their pubic bone. And even if you usually prefer girthier toys (like me), you’ll probably be pleasantly surprised by how amazing the Slow Drive’s simple yet effective design and magical curve feels.

Right now the Limited Edition Purple Haze Slow Drive is still available for only $25.50 with code PENNY at checkout! (While supplies last.)

Or, get the classic Slow Drive (in silver!) for $37.40 or the Slow Drive long for $43.35 with code PENNY, anytime!

Thanks, Tantus!


  1. and because I wanted to know what it feels like to be fucked in the ass by a pirate 

Review: Shibari Halo Wand

pennysblog_halowandOn paper, the Shibari Halo Wand seemed like it would be an amazing wand vibrator. Its entire head is covered in non-porous silicone that doesn’t attract lint, it’s USB rechargeable1, and it’s waterproof.  Although it’s large (12″), it’s light and fairly quiet.2  It’s also inexpensive ($55 from SheVibe) for all of the qualities it boasts.

Before I actually used it, I thought the Halo Wand would be strong enough to easily get me off. Oh boy, was I wrong. The Halo is strong enough to bring me right to the brink of orgasm, but its vibration feels surface level and not satisfying, and I can never quite get there. It’s like smelling a pizza but not being able to eat it. Or holding an amazing sex toy that I don’t have enough money to buy. It’s like I’m flying on the way to an exotic vacation, but instead of landing on white sand beaches and drinking margaritas, I’m doomed to circle in the stuffy plane forever with a screaming toddler kicking the back of my seat.

I liked to be teased in the right context, and I don’t think a sex toy necessarily has to get you off or get you off quickly to be worth using…but the Halo is a wand vibrator. It’s not trying to feel like oral or provide some unique stimulation–its purpose is to vibrate to orgasm, and it’s failing at life. About half the time I run and grab my Hitachi after I use the Halo in a desperate attempt to get the release I need, only to realize I feel desensitized. The other half of the time I use it, I just give up on orgasm all together.

I can get off from a wide range of vibration, but for some reason, the Halo just does not work for me. To the touch, the Halo feels very similar to the Mystic Wand, but my clit is much more perceptive, and the Mystic can get me off, while the Halo doesn’t. I did finally have an orgasm from it once, but it was when I was so aroused that I could’ve gotten off humping a pillow, so that hardly counts. And even then, it took longer than it should have and left me less than satisfied.

Besides that fact that the Halo Wand fails its basic purpose for me, it also has some other issues. For one, it’s advertised as a 10 speed vibrator, when in reality it only has 2 steady speeds and 8 vibration patterns. And you have to click through each speed to get to the next, so if you like a vibration pattern you have to go through all of the other patterns to get to it. Since it’s not that strong, it also seems unnecessarily large.

I’m picky when it comes to wand vibrators. I don’t like the Doxy either (though it can at least get me off), while many other bloggers love it. And some other bloggers like the Halo…so it’s possible you might like it even though I can’t stand it. So far the only wands I actually enjoy are the Hitachi & the Mystic (though I rarely use it since it’s battery operated.)

I really wanted to love the Shibari Halo Wand. Hell, I really wanted to at least like it. It’s sleek, its head is made of silicone, it’s rechargeable, it’s waterproof–all things I want to see from more wand vibrators. In theory you might enjoy it since we’re all different etc. etc., but after the depressing number of orgasms the Halo has ruined for me, I definitely don’t recommend it.

Thanks for sending me the Halo in exchange for my honest review, SheVibe!


  1. and also comes with a wall converter 

  2. It’s quieter than the Hitachi or Doxy and about the same noise wise as the Mystic. 

Review: Lelo Mona 2

pennysblog_monaIt was really only a couple of years, but I felt like I’d been waiting my whole life for the LELO Mona 2. It started with Epiphora’s glowing review. Then I felt its rumbly goodness at Catalyst Con last year. As time went by, it seemed like everyone and their Mom had a Mona except me (seriously, my best friend’s Mom has one.) I almost resigned myself as the person who would just photograph other people’s Monas, but thankfully LELO saved the day by sending me one to review.

The Lelo Mona 2 has a cult following. People make shrines to it. They have back up Monas. They’ve written songs about it and painted paintings in its honor. So to say I was excited to finally have a Mona to call my own would be an understatement.

By now I’m sure you’re wondering…does it live up to all the hype? Well, take a look at the brief notes I took after my first few times using Mona:

1st orgasm- I used Mona clitorally, it sent chills throughout my body even on its low setting. I was so fucking excited, I felt like I was losing my virginity again, I came at full power, and YESSS thank GOB for Mona.

2nd orgasm- Like 5 minutes after my 1st. I was famished and deciding between pizza and another orgasm and Mona won!

3rd- Came like a mofo during sex with Jake.

If you know me at all, then you know that it is a BIG DEAL when I choose anything over pizza, especially when I’m starving. So to choose another orgasm over cheesy heaven while my tummy is grumbling is one of the best compliments I could give a vibrator.

But since not everyone compares vibrators to pizza, let’s talk about why the Mona rocks a bit more objectively.

The Mona 2 is an all around solid vibrator. It’s 8″ long, with about 5 insertable inches1 of Lelo’s signature smooth, magical lint repelling silicone. It features a hard, curved body, and it has a wide range of power levels, from a light rumble to strong, satisfying vibrations. It has 6 vibration patters, which can be enjoyed at any power level. Its interface is sleek and user friendly–the buttons are easy to find and press, and they light up. It can be used both vaginally and clitorally. It’s completely submersible and easy to clean. Basically, Mona’s resume is extremely impressive.

Although it’s designed as a g-spot vibrator, where Mona really excels for me is clitorally. Its tapered shape is perfect for resting on my clit, and its long handle is a godsend because its easy to grip, and since its vibration is focused in the silicone portion, my hand doesn’t go numb. Its handle makes it very easy to use simultaneously with a dildo, a penis, or a butt toy–I can even have hands free orgasms with it squeezed between my legs while I’m on my side.

Mona is also the first vibrator I’ve actually enjoyed with the vibration turned on internally. It’s rumbly enough at its low settings that it doesn’t feel too tickly (as most internal vibes feel to me), though it’s too much and feels like it’s rattling my g-spot at its higher speeds. Its hard, curved shape feels good while thrusting and squeezing or just vibrating against my g-spot, and its fun to alternate between clitoral and internal vibration.

That said, Mona is not the holy grail of g-spot toys for me. Sometimes Mona’s shape and vibration is enough for my g-spot, but often it just doesn’t feel quite curved enough or girthy enough. When I’m craving an intense, squirty session, I’ll reach for the Pure Wand, Buck, or another one of my favorite dildos…but often with Mona on my clit! And although it doesn’t always wow mine, plenty of other people’s g-spots adore it. In fact, I seem to be part of a minority of people who don’t love it unquestionably for g-spotting.

pennysblog_mona2

Mona is one of my favorite vibes, and I highly recommend it for most people. Its shape, strong vibration, and easy to hold handle make it a fantastic all around vibe. It’s a great first time (or any time) vibe purchase, since it’s incredibly versatile–it has a wide range of vibration, it can be used vaginally or clitorally, and it’s completely waterproof. It’s also sleek, rechargeable, and as is standard for Lelo, it’s made of smooth, hygienic silicone and comes with a 1 year warranty. If you’re like me, Mona might even cause you to question the meaning of life after you choose it over pizza…

The only people I don’t recommend Mona to: people who are looking for very intense g-spot stimulation and prefer girth or an extreme curve, or people looking for very strong vibration. Mona is rumbly and strong, but it’s not a powerhouse. If you want/need the most powerful vibrations available, I’d recommend the Magic Wand, Eroscillator, or Tango instead. And if you’re looking for intense, direct g-spot stim, the Pure Wand or Comet Wand.

Thanks Lelo, for sending me this amazing vibe in exchange for my honest review!

 


  1. ~1.5.” max girth 

Review: Fleshlight Succu Dry

pennysblog_succudry1Before I start talking specifics, can we take a moment to appreciate that the Fleshlight Succu Dry exists? You can fuck a vampire mouth with fangs. Let that sink in.

Since I don’t have a penis, this review is based on my partner Jake’s experiences with the product. And while I love my vagina, I admit I got a bit of penis envy while watching him thrust between those vamp fangs.1

If you’re not familiar with Fleshlights, they’re masturbator sleeves inside of cases that resemble flashlights. They’re made of Fleshlight’s soft Real Feel Super Skin and are modeled after orifices–vaginas, butts, mouths, etc., and you lube them up and go to town. The Succu Dry is part of the Fleshlight Freaks line, which also includes the Drac (anther vampire), Alien, Cyborg, Zombie, and Frankenstein orifices. Fleshlight, you are winning at life.

In addition to the classic Fleshlight design, they also make a line of masturbators in a smaller beer can design, like the Succu Dry, which are less expensive. The main difference between the Succu Dry and other Sex in a Can Fleshlights vs the originals is size. The canals in the original Fleshlights are 9″ long and have a diameter of .5″, whereas the Sex in a Cans are only 5.5″ long and have a diameter of .25.” If you have a bigger than average penis, you might prefer the original design.

Fleshlights come in all sorts of textures, and the Succu Dry has a unique one called “The Fang” featuring “dozens of tiny fangs that will gently bite at you until you’re drained of every last drop.” Basically, they’re nubbies with a pointed shape, but they’re soft. You can adjust the Succu Dry’s suction by tightening or loosening the bottom of the can.

pennysblog_succudry2Overall, Jake has really enjoyed the Succu Dry. He likes the unique sensations the fang texture provides, and he finds that he takes his time more with it than he would with his usual method (his hand.) The Succu Dry feels really tight, which could be either a good or bad thing based on your preferences, and he likes it, but he can only use it for up to about 20 minutes before the tightness is too much and starts to feel chaffing. He also prefers thrusting shallowly with it rather than going in and and out completely because of how tight it is.

Due to its material and tightness, the Succu Dry also requires a lot of lube. Jake’s gone through a bottle of lube already after using it for about a week. Jake has only tried one other Fleshlight (the Vibro Pink Lady with no texture), but he much prefers the Succu Dry since he enjoys the fangs texture. I’d like to have him try an original Fleshlight with texture at some point to see which he prefers.

In general Fleshlights are pretty easy to clean, you just rinse them with warm water, let them dry completely, add renewal powder if you want, and then store them. Since the Succu Dry is very textured and also very tight though, it takes a long time–about 24 hours–to dry completely, so it’s definitely not a toy you can use and stash away quickly. Since the material is porous, Fleshlights shouldn’t be shared. You should only use water based lube with Fleshlights, as silicone or oil could damage the material. If you want more info. on how to use and wash your Succu Dry, Lovehoney has helpful videos up on the product page.

If you’ve always dreamed of getting a blow job from a vampire, you’re in luck, because this Fleshlight will suck you dry. The creepily realistic fangs are just begging for your wooden stake–your Mr. Pointy! The Succu Dry is the perfect eerie and pleasurable sex toy for dark fantasies and vampire play, and it’s also a great masturbator option since the Sex in a Can toys are less expensive than original Fleshlights.

If you want the Succu Dry for Halloween, order it today or tomorrow and it should get there in time! Or order it in the next couple of days and get Express shipping for a little extra and it should be there in time as well. Let’s be honest though–any time is a good time for vampire sex play!

*UK readers, get the Succu Dry here!

Great news, y’all! You can now get 10% off of your Lovehoney purchase when you go to my page

Thanks for sending me the Succu Dry in exchange for my honest review, Lovehoney! (If you purchase through my links, you’ll be supporting my blog as I make a small commission.)


  1. I may have also chanted, fuck Druscilla! 

Review: Tantus Splash

pennysblog_splash1

For me, the Splash was an acquired taste, kind of like Fernet.

If you haven’t tried it, Fernet is an Italian liquor that has an herby taste. Some people don’t like its distinctive flavor, but when I was in studying in Argentina in college, it was everyone’s drink of choice. Like, if you don’t like Fernet there, just go home. So I tried it again…and again…and before long I was in love with its weird flavor and sharing a huge vat of Fernet and Coke with about 10 friends while out at the boliches.pennysblog_splash2

That’s how the Splash was for me. I’d heard other bloggers rave about it, so I was dying to try it. But the first time I did, I didn’t really like it.  It felt strange and almost irritating, and I wondered what all of the hype was about. I’d heard that the type of people who like it are “texture sluts.” Obviously we all have our preferences, but I wanted to join the texture slut club. So I tried it again…and again…and now I love its exceptional texture.

The Splash is an intense dildo. Not because it’s super girthy or curvy, because it’s not1, but because it’s firm and has drips of silicone along its body that provide truly unique sensations. Just look at it. It looks part sci-fi, part artsy, which I love. Realistic toys are great, but sometimes you just want to masturbate with something that looks like a shimmery alien blob, am I right?

The Splash isn’t a dildo I use to thrust with wild abandon. I squeeze around it, and with a vibe on my clit, I use short, minimal thrusts, because that’s all I need to devour its texture. The little ripples on the top of its head feel amazing going in and rubbing on my g-spot, and when inserted deeper, the drips feel fabulous. As is standard for Tantus dildos, the Splash is harness compatible and anal safe, and since it’s 100% silicone, it’s hygienic, and it can be boiled and sterilized.

My vag isn’t always in the mood to be Splashed. But when I  do get a sudden craving for its drippy texture, nothing else will satisfy. And I can now proudly say I am a texture slut, thanks to this gorgeous dildo. I <3 you, Tantus.

If you love textured toys, you need the Splash. If you’re not sure if you like texture or not and want to try something new, the Splash is amazing, and I bet you’ll like it. If you want to try out the same texture but aren’t sure about its size, you could try the smaller Splish. If you don’t like texture, the Splash probably isn’t for you, but Tantus has lots of other high quality, 100% silicone dildos to choose from!

Don’t forget to use code PENNY at checkout for 15% off!

pennysblog_tantusbannerThanks for sending me the Splash in exchange for my honest review, Tantus!


  1. it has a 1.75″ diameter 

Lelo LUNA Smart Bead Review

pennysblog_LUNASmartBeadA week ago Lelo came out with their new LUNA Smart Bead™, a product that is supposed to function as a personal trainer for your vag. Sounds amazing right?! Spoiler alert: be prepared for an incredible let down.

The idea behind the LUNA Smart Bead™ is that you insert it and follow a 5 minute workout program, squeezing your PC muscles when it vibrates and relaxing them when it doesn’t. Based on your performance, it rates your orgasm potential and gives you a routine based on that the next time you use it. After doing the routine every day, you’re supposed to progress to higher levels and strengthen your muscles over time and therefore your orgasm potential as well.

The Smart Bead™ is silicone (but is hard and has no give), and its retrieval cord seems to be made of plastic, though the manual doesn’t specify. It’s fairly easy to use–here’s how it works:

-You press the power button to turn on the LUNA Smart Bead™. It blinks to show you what Level you’re on (it starts you at L3: Intermediate.)

-It gives you a 5 minute kegel exercise routine to follow–when it vibrates, you squeeze your PC muscles, and when it stops, you relax them. As you squeeze, it increases the vibration (you may or may not feel it.)

-After the 5 minute routine, it signals it’s over by vibrating 3 times quickly and then turns itself off.

-The next time you turn on the LUNA Smart Bead™, it blinks to show what Level you’re on (it remembers based on your last workout and is supposed to select the right level for your next routine.)

I was really excited to try out the LUNA Smart Bead™ because I like the idea of following a short kegel workout routine everyday, and a product that can rate my orgasm potential seemed like a really cool idea. Since Lelo’s other kegel workout product, the Luna Beads, are awesome, my expectations were high.

But sadly, the LUNA Smart Bead™ is so disappointing, I’m embarrassed for Lelo.

First of all, it doesn’t seem to measure “orgasm potential” or really anything for that matter. The first time I used the Smart Bead™, I almost threw it against the wall when it gave my vagina an L1 rating. I know my vagina isn’t an L1: Beginner, “For the uninitiated who has never practiced before” (quote from the manual.) Um, no. I have long, intense orgasms. I squeeze and workout my muscles frequently. I was incredibly insulted, although I had a hunch that the Smart Bead™ was full of shit already.

pennysblog_lunasmartbead2So, Jake and I experimented with the Smart Bead™. Jake, who does body building and is very strong, went through the 5 minute program, squeezing the bead with his hand as hard as possible, and it gave him a L3 Intermediate score. Afterwards, I tried squeezing it with my hand, and it gave me a L4 Advanced score. There is no way I was squeezing it as hard as Jake, so it clearly isn’t actually measuring strength. Within the week I’ve had it, I’ve also tried it as intended vaginally, and it’s given me scores of L1, L3, & L2. If it measures anything (which I’m skeptical that it does) it’s definitely not muscle strength or “orgasm potential.”

The second fail of the LUNA Smart Bead™ is its vibration. I get that it’s supposed to be a workout product and doesn’t necessarily need to be super strong, but the vibration is disgraceful. Let me put it this way: it’s about the same strength as the first speed on the crappy Princessa. It’s supposed to increase in strength as you squeeze, and sure, it does…it goes from incredibly weak, buzzy vibration, to slightly less weak, still incredibly useless vibration. Coming from Lelo, makers of Mona, this is just sad. And in the manual, it claims that the Smart Bead™ provides a continuous vibration mode “purely for pleasure.” HA.

Gross.

Gross.

In addition to its questionable workout levels and disappointing vibration, the Smart Bead™ is battery operated. Lelo products are known for being rechargeable as a standard, so this is a backwards move on their part. And not only is it battery operated, you have to take off the top of the Smart Bead™ to insert the battery, so it has a seam on the part you insert. Lube and juices crust along the inside of the bead, and it’s gnarly. And since it’s only waterproof when closed, that means it’s pretty much impossible to clean thoroughly. Oh, hell no.

Regardless of the fact that it doesn’t really measure orgasm potential, it could be debated that using the Smart Bead™ daily could increase your muscle strength. And sure, I guess it could, but using it is a snooze fest. It’s too small to provide any real muscle resistance, its vibration is weak, and it will occasionally stop vibrating for 10+ seconds , which doesn’t seem like a lot, but when you’re focusing only on the program, it’s enough to almost put you to sleep. Don’t worry though, it will eventually awaken you with sad vibration. And then disappoint you by its crappy level system. And then straight up infuriate you by the fact that it can’t be cleaned thoroughly and that it’s battery operated. Oh, and to add to it all, it only comes in 2 shades of pink. I guess it makes sense that it debuted near Halloween, because the Smart Bead™ is so bad, it’s scary.

I haven’t been this disappointed by a Lelo product since the horrible Ida. At least the Smart Bead™ doesn’t hurt. But its design is incredibly flawed, its vibration is sad, and it’s a ridiculous $109. If you saw the Smart Bead™ and thought it’d be cool to try, I strongly recommend that you reconsider. Get the Luna Beads instead, and let’s hope Lelo decides to fix the Smart Bead™, because it had the potential to be great…but instead it’s just an incredible disappointment.

Thanks for sending me the Smart Bead™ in exchange for my honest review, Lelo!