Category Archives: Writing

Review: LELO Mona Wave

pennysblog_monas1

For many sex toy aficionados, the LELO Mona Wave was one of the most anticipated toys this year. Almost everyone I know loves the regular Mona vibrator, so a new Mona with added “come hither,” finger-like motion that comes in beautiful, midnight blue…it must be a miracle, right?

Not exactly. If I had to sum up Mona Wave in a word it would be: disappointing. I don’t hate it and have (somewhat) enjoyed using it, but it could use some major improvements.

In case you haven’t heard of the original Mona, it’s a sleek, silicone, rechargeable vibrator designed for g-spot stimulation. I actually prefer mine for clitoral stimulation, especially combined with dildos because it’s fairy strong, with a wide range of vibration and an easy to grip handle. It’s not the holy grail of g-spot toys for me, but it is for many others. It’s widely loved, so much so that people have made shrines to it, they have back up Monas, and most sex bloggers sing its praises.

The new Mona Wave looks very similar to original Mona. It features the same silky smooth silicone and overall design– the main difference is its control panel, which is made of silicone (instead of hard plastic), with built in, seamless buttons that don’t light up (as opposed to regular Mona’s, which do.) And obviously, it has motion. Here’s a quick overview of its functions:

1- Motion, with vibration

2- Slower motion, with waves of vibration (Useless)

3- Motion, with waves of vibration (My favorite)

4- Motion, quick pulsing vibration

5- Motion, erratic pulsing/waving vibration

6- Motion, no vibration

7- Steady vibration

8- Waves of vibration

9- Quick pulsing vibration

10- Erratic pulsing/waving vibration

pennysblog_monas2I am often in the mood for lazy orgasms (that’s why I still love my Hitachi), so I thought I’d love that the Mona Wave could move around inside of me by itself. It took me quite a bit of finagling it around to see what worked, but after a while, I found the way it works best for me–holding onto it firmly, pushing the handle down, so its arm moves up against my g-spot. Holding it any other way just doesn’t give my g-spot enough pressure or do much for me. Since I have to grip it firmly to take advantage of its motion, it’s somewhat awkward for me to hold. And I’ve tried thrusting with it, but the feeling of the motion is lost when I do, which kind of defeats the purpose of a moving vibrator.

At first, Mona Wave’s arm feels good–sort of like a finger. I start to get that need to squirt g-spot feeling with minimal effort…but then I want need more. If I was using a dildo, this is the time when I’d start thrusting harder and faster. If I was with a partner, they’d move faster, add another finger, something to up the intensity.

The problem with Mona Wave is that its movement is not adjustable, nor is its speed. It only moves 30 degrees. It will not go any faster. And when I get tired of the first mode (movement+vibration) and click through to the second function to try something else, it actually gets slower, which pisses me off every time. I do enjoy the third function’s waving vibration+movement, but the movement still isn’t what I’d like it to be. I can orgasm from it, but I rarely squirt. And when I do, it’s usually the Tiniest Squirt Ever. It just doesn’t have the intensity I need to leave my legs shaking and my Throe soaked.

The Mona Wave is touted as offering a come hither motion for “finger-like” g-spot stimulation. When I picture “finger-like motion,” I picture something curling up inside of me, tugging on my g-spot, stroking it, moving faster when needed. I don’t picture a finger that only moves 30 degrees and stays at the same damn speed the whole time. When I first got the Mona Wave, I sent a video of it to my best friend. “That’s it? That is so not a come hither motion” was her reaction. Yep–that pretty much sums it up.

When I use Mona Wave clitorally, all I can think is robot finger. Since I can hold Mona Wave and allow it to stroke my clit, it does feel similar to a finger touching me, which is pretty damn cool–a robot finger, granted, because the movement is metronomical, but still cool. Since its pace is predictable, it takes me a long time to come, but when I finally do after all of the build up, it feels pretty explosive. I still think it would benefit from more variance in speed and movement clitorally though, just as it would for g-spot stimulation.

There’s one major problem with the Mona Wave’s motion though, y’all, no matter how you’re using it: the weird noise. The original Mona isn’t exactly silent, but at least I can easily tune out its low hum of vibration. I cannot tune out Mona Wave’s annoying sound. It’s so obnoxious that Jake could hear it from the other room, where he was sawing wood. No joke. Not even wearing headphones and listening to porn will drown it out. It is incredibly distracting and the biggest deterrent to me wanting to use it.

Vibration wise, Mona Wave feels slightly less powerful at full power than regular Mona, which is also a shame. Otherwise, it’s similar, with the same moderately rumbly vibration at its lower settings and buzzier vibrations at its stronger levels. It also has less vibration functions, 4 vs Mona’s 10.

Using the Mona Wave’s control panel is a little different from Mona–instead of pressing the +/- buttons to start and adjust the vibration and then the ▲/▼ buttons to cycle through the functions, you simply click the middle of the panel, and it will turn on and begin at the last setting you used, which is pretty rad and also makes it easier to quickly turn off. It’s slightly harder to find the buttons during use, since they aren’t raised and don’t light up like regular Mona’s, but you could argue that it’s easier to clean since the buttons don’t have crevices.  Like Mona, you can adjust the vibration power during any function with the +/- buttons. You also have the option making its curve more prominent if you hit the ▲ button to stop it just right when switching from motion to its steady vibration mode.

As is standard of LELO toys, Mona Wave is waterproof/submergible, rechargeable (2 hours for full charge), and comes with a satin storage bag, a sample LELO lube packet, and a 1 year manufacturer’s warranty/10 year guarantee.

pennysblog_monas3I wish LELO had asked me to test out the Mona Wave before it was released, because I think it has the potential to be a fantastic vibrator with some improvements. Obviously, the sound needs to go, and I wish it could move faster and possibly more than 30 degrees. If it had a motion function that had a sort of unpredictable, erratic movement so you didn’t know what was coming (like a real finger)–that’d be even better.

As is though, I don’t recommend dropping $179 on it. Sure, it can make me come–but its sound is a constant annoyance, and I don’t want my orgasms mixed with frustration. If it was as strong as Mona and wasn’t so damn loud, I’d probably recommend getting it over regular Mona because why not have the option of masturbating with a robot finger? And hello, just look at the gorgeous blue one!1 And if it moved more and faster, maybe I could forgive its awful sound. But since it’s loud and doesn’t give me what I want, I’ll rarely use it. Unless LELO fixes some of the issues I’ve mentioned, I’ll staying loyal to regular Mona.

I should disclaim here that I’m not a huge fan of regular Mona’s shape for g-spot stimulation, so there’s a chance you might love the Mona Wave’s motion even though I don’t. If you don’t need a lot of movement or speed for g-spot stimulation and think you can get over the noise, go for it. If the sound makes you so frustrated that you throw it against the wall though, I’ll have to say I told you so.

All of that said, I did have some epic double Mona orgasms (with Mona Wave pushing up on my g-spot and original Mona on my clit) that almost let me overlook its noise…but I shouldn’t need 2 versions of a toy to enjoy it properly. And come on, for $179 I expect a vibrator that doesn’t sound like a cheap POS. $179 buys a lot of pizza.

If you want it, get the Mona Wave directly from Lelo or from SheVibe, one of my fave retailers.

Thanks for sending me the Mona Wave in exchange for my honest review, LELO!


  1. I didn’t get my choice of color. 

Review: Tantus Slow Drive

pennysblog_slowdriveThe Tantus Slow Drive doesn’t look like much. With only 5 insertable inches & a 1.2″ max girth, it’s not lengthy or girthy. But the Slow Drive proves that you shouldn’t judge a dildo by its size–even though it’s smaller than most of my dildos, the Slow Drive’s perfect-for-g-spotting curve makes it stand out in a sea of sex toys.

Made of smooth, glossy, single density Tantus silicone, the Slow Drive is firm, but it still has some flex and give. It features a curved tip for g-spot or prostate stimulation, and it has a flared base, so it can be used in a harness.

Since it’s petite, the Slow Drive is effortless to insert for me. It is its own warm up. With a little bit of lube, its smooth silicone glides easily, and its “come hither” curve immediately gives me the I-need-to-squirt feeling. It feels intense, but since it’s so smooth and small, it’s not too intense. It’s definitely not as extreme as my other favorite g-spot dildos like the Pure Wand or Comet, but that’s ok–it’s just a different type of g-spot stimulation.

It may sound cliché, but the Slow Drive’s name was aptly chosen–it’s one of those toys that’s great for taking your time, warming up, and letting arousal build gradually. I usually start slow, using the curve to “tug” on my g-spot, and eventually move on to faster thrusting, which often ends up with squirting all over my Throe. On the flip side, I can also combine it with a clit vibe and have a blended orgasm fairly quickly if I’m in the mood.

I’ve also tried the Slow Drive anally since it’s manageable for my butt1, and I can get some subtle g-spot pressure from it that way. I tried it on Jake (by hand) as well–he’s still fairly new to prostate play, and when I asked him how it was after using it on him, he said it felt nice but not super intense. I haven’t tried it for pegging, but since it’s harness compatible it could be used that way, though I’d probably go with the Slow Drive Long for that, since it’s rather short.

My main complaint about the Slow Drive is that it’s not available in the gorgeous, glowing lime green anymore, though I’m thankful it still comes in the lovely, shimmery silver version I have. Its unique triangular base is also slightly less comfortable for me to hold than classic round bases, but it’s not a big deal. On the plus side, the unique base means you know which way it’s pointing, which is helpful if you’re using it on someone else. Also, the Slow Drive might be too short for some, so if you prefer more length to hold on to, check out the Slow Drive Long.

The Slow Drive is an amazing little g-spotter.  It’s now my go-to recommendation for an affordable first g-spot dildo, since it’s perfect for firm but not too extreme g-spot stimulation. Since it’s small, smooth, and doesn’t have a pronounced head, it’s perfect for beginners, those who don’t want a lot of girth, and people who have issues with other toys catching on their pubic bone. And even if you usually prefer girthier toys (like me), you’ll probably be pleasantly surprised by how amazing the Slow Drive’s simple yet effective design and magical curve feels.

Right now the Limited Edition Purple Haze Slow Drive is still available for only $25.50 with code PENNY at checkout! (While supplies last.)

Or, get the classic Slow Drive (in silver!) for $37.40 or the Slow Drive long for $43.35 with code PENNY, anytime!

Thanks, Tantus!


  1. and because I wanted to know what it feels like to be fucked in the ass by a pirate 

e[lust] #64

e[lust] is a monthly digest of the best sex related writing on the Internet.

This month’s edition includes my erotic fan fic story Let’s Play a Game (Spuffy Erotica.)

Cheeky minx
Photo courtesy of Cheeky Minx

Welcome to Elust #64 -

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #65? Start with the rules, come back December1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

On a special note I want to mention that the judges voting on Elust is often very close, this month more than most. You all do such fine work that it is very hard for us to come up with the final results.

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Ownership: On Sexuality & Feminine Relations

Tool Time

Seven – A Fairytale of Sorts

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

The Love Letter of O
To My Single Submissive Friends – Be Brave

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
What S/He Said: Pressing Stop

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!

Continue reading »

Review: Shibari Halo Wand

pennysblog_halowandOn paper, the Shibari Halo Wand seemed like it would be an amazing wand vibrator. Its entire head is covered in non-porous silicone that doesn’t attract lint, it’s USB rechargeable1, and it’s waterproof.  Although it’s large (12″), it’s light and fairly quiet.2  It’s also inexpensive ($55 from SheVibe) for all of the qualities it boasts.

Before I actually used it, I thought the Halo Wand would be strong enough to easily get me off. Oh boy, was I wrong. The Halo is strong enough to bring me right to the brink of orgasm, but its vibration feels surface level and not satisfying, and I can never quite get there. It’s like smelling a pizza but not being able to eat it. Or holding an amazing sex toy that I don’t have enough money to buy. It’s like I’m flying on the way to an exotic vacation, but instead of landing on white sand beaches and drinking margaritas, I’m doomed to circle in the stuffy plane forever with a screaming toddler kicking the back of my seat.

I liked to be teased in the right context, and I don’t think a sex toy necessarily has to get you off or get you off quickly to be worth using…but the Halo is a wand vibrator. It’s not trying to feel like oral or provide some unique stimulation–its purpose is to vibrate to orgasm, and it’s failing at life. About half the time I run and grab my Hitachi after I use the Halo in a desperate attempt to get the release I need, only to realize I feel desensitized. The other half of the time I use it, I just give up on orgasm all together.

I can get off from a wide range of vibration, but for some reason, the Halo just does not work for me. To the touch, the Halo feels very similar to the Mystic Wand, but my clit is much more perceptive, and the Mystic can get me off, while the Halo doesn’t. I did finally have an orgasm from it once, but it was when I was so aroused that I could’ve gotten off humping a pillow, so that hardly counts. And even then, it took longer than it should have and left me less than satisfied.

Besides that fact that the Halo Wand fails its basic purpose for me, it also has some other issues. For one, it’s advertised as a 10 speed vibrator, when in reality it only has 2 steady speeds and 8 vibration patterns. And you have to click through each speed to get to the next, so if you like a vibration pattern you have to go through all of the other patterns to get to it. Since it’s not that strong, it also seems unnecessarily large.

I’m picky when it comes to wand vibrators. I don’t like the Doxy either (though it can at least get me off), while many other bloggers love it. And some other bloggers like the Halo…so it’s possible you might like it even though I can’t stand it. So far the only wands I actually enjoy are the Hitachi & the Mystic (though I rarely use it since it’s battery operated.)

I really wanted to love the Shibari Halo Wand. Hell, I really wanted to at least like it. It’s sleek, its head is made of silicone, it’s rechargeable, it’s waterproof–all things I want to see from more wand vibrators. In theory you might enjoy it since we’re all different etc. etc., but after the depressing number of orgasms the Halo has ruined for me, I definitely don’t recommend it.

Thanks for sending me the Halo in exchange for my honest review, SheVibe!


  1. and also comes with a wall converter 

  2. It’s quieter than the Hitachi or Doxy and about the same noise wise as the Mystic. 

HedoVibes Round Up #66

This week’s edition of HedoVibes features my LELO Mona 2 review and image. 
pennysblog_monaPhoto courtesy of Penny for Your (Dirty) Thoughts

Welcome to HedoVibes, a collection of reviews and giveaways that were posted in the past week or so from around the web. This is a collection of adult product reviews & contests from real reviewers. If you want to be included in the next edition start with the guidelines, then use the submission form.

Want to read more reviews? Check out HedoVibes for a list of the latest reviews and stellar reviewers. You can also follow on twitter for the latest round ups. HedoVibes is also accepting photo submissions for each edition.

Continue reading »

Review: Lelo Mona 2

pennysblog_monaIt was really only a couple of years, but I felt like I’d been waiting my whole life for the LELO Mona 2. It started with Epiphora’s glowing review. Then I felt its rumbly goodness at Catalyst Con last year. As time went by, it seemed like everyone and their Mom had a Mona except me (seriously, my best friend’s Mom has one.) I almost resigned myself as the person who would just photograph other people’s Monas, but thankfully LELO saved the day by sending me one to review.

The Lelo Mona 2 has a cult following. People make shrines to it. They have back up Monas. They’ve written songs about it and painted paintings in its honor. So to say I was excited to finally have a Mona to call my own would be an understatement.

By now I’m sure you’re wondering…does it live up to all the hype? Well, take a look at the brief notes I took after my first few times using Mona:

1st orgasm- I used Mona clitorally, it sent chills throughout my body even on its low setting. I was so fucking excited, I felt like I was losing my virginity again, I came at full power, and YESSS thank GOB for Mona.

2nd orgasm- Like 5 minutes after my 1st. I was famished and deciding between pizza and another orgasm and Mona won!

3rd- Came like a mofo during sex with Jake.

If you know me at all, then you know that it is a BIG DEAL when I choose anything over pizza, especially when I’m starving. So to choose another orgasm over cheesy heaven while my tummy is grumbling is one of the best compliments I could give a vibrator.

But since not everyone compares vibrators to pizza, let’s talk about why the Mona rocks a bit more objectively.

The Mona 2 is an all around solid vibrator. It’s 8″ long, with about 5 insertable inches1 of Lelo’s signature smooth, magical lint repelling silicone. It features a hard, curved body, and it has a wide range of power levels, from a light rumble to strong, satisfying vibrations. It has 6 vibration patters, which can be enjoyed at any power level. Its interface is sleek and user friendly–the buttons are easy to find and press, and they light up. It can be used both vaginally and clitorally. It’s completely submersible and easy to clean. Basically, Mona’s resume is extremely impressive.

Although it’s designed as a g-spot vibrator, where Mona really excels for me is clitorally. Its tapered shape is perfect for resting on my clit, and its long handle is a godsend because its easy to grip, and since its vibration is focused in the silicone portion, my hand doesn’t go numb. Its handle makes it very easy to use simultaneously with a dildo, a penis, or a butt toy–I can even have hands free orgasms with it squeezed between my legs while I’m on my side.

Mona is also the first vibrator I’ve actually enjoyed with the vibration turned on internally. It’s rumbly enough at its low settings that it doesn’t feel too tickly (as most internal vibes feel to me), though it’s too much and feels like it’s rattling my g-spot at its higher speeds. Its hard, curved shape feels good while thrusting and squeezing or just vibrating against my g-spot, and its fun to alternate between clitoral and internal vibration.

That said, Mona is not the holy grail of g-spot toys for me. Sometimes Mona’s shape and vibration is enough for my g-spot, but often it just doesn’t feel quite curved enough or girthy enough. When I’m craving an intense, squirty session, I’ll reach for the Pure Wand, Buck, or another one of my favorite dildos…but often with Mona on my clit! And although it doesn’t always wow mine, plenty of other people’s g-spots adore it. In fact, I seem to be part of a minority of people who don’t love it unquestionably for g-spotting.

pennysblog_mona2

Mona is one of my favorite vibes, and I highly recommend it for most people. Its shape, strong vibration, and easy to hold handle make it a fantastic all around vibe. It’s a great first time (or any time) vibe purchase, since it’s incredibly versatile–it has a wide range of vibration, it can be used vaginally or clitorally, and it’s completely waterproof. It’s also sleek, rechargeable, and as is standard for Lelo, it’s made of smooth, hygienic silicone and comes with a 1 year warranty. If you’re like me, Mona might even cause you to question the meaning of life after you choose it over pizza…

The only people I don’t recommend Mona to: people who are looking for very intense g-spot stimulation and prefer girth or an extreme curve, or people looking for very strong vibration. Mona is rumbly and strong, but it’s not a powerhouse. If you want/need the most powerful vibrations available, I’d recommend the Magic Wand, Eroscillator, or Tango instead. And if you’re looking for intense, direct g-spot stim, the Pure Wand or Comet Wand.

Thanks Lelo, for sending me this amazing vibe in exchange for my honest review!

 


  1. ~1.5.” max girth 

Let’s Play a Game (Spuffy Erotica)

“There’s a time and place for everything, and I believe it’s called ‘fan fiction’.”
Joss Whedon

Disclaimer: Spike & Buffy are property of Mutant Enemy & Joss Whedon. I don’t own Spike & Buffy, I just borrow them for writing masturbation fodder. 

“Let’s play a game Spike,” Buffy says, tilting her head coyly, her curly blonde ponytail brushing her nearly bare shoulders. As she enters Spike’s crypt, the heels of her black boots click against the stone floor. Spike looks up from his couch but away from her, avoiding eye contact. He’s immediately turned on by her sweet smell and gorgeous, petite figure, and this annoys the hell out of him.

“Oh right, is this the game where we destroy a house with our naked wrestling, and then you call me disgusting in the morning?” he says, meeting her eyes now, his lips twitching.

“Or the one where you kick my ass and go off about how you’re the good one, and I’m all pure evil, blood sucking and demon-like?” he says, picking up a glass of vodka on the table next to him, “Because I’m really not in the mood for either one, pet.”

Buffy puts her free hand on her hip and smirks.

“Maybe a little bit of both. Or maybe something completely different,” she says.

Spike raises his eyebrow as he notices the black leather bag that Buffy holds in her other hand. He leans back on the couch, trying to hide his curiosity.

“I’m really not in the mood for games, love. Not tonight. If you want to get me naked just say so, or get out.”

“Don’t call me love.”

Buffy approaches him, setting the bag on the floor nearby. She lifts herself on to his lap, straddling him. Her warmth is intoxicating, her breath a seductive whisper. He looks up at her, confused. She doesn’t usually act like this.

“Call me Slayer.”

“Oh, what is this? Are you on some kind of power trip? More than usual I mean. Are you going to tell me what to do now?” he says. “Do you want me to pretend I’m afraid of the big bad Slayer?”

“Shut up Spike,” Buffy answers as she delivers a nasty blow to his jaw, the aching from her powerful force echoing through his cheek.

“Bloody hell, woman, what do you want from me?” he says, rubbing his face.

“For one, don’t call me woman.”

“Fine, Slayer, what are you getting at?”

“I told you I want to play a game,” Buffy says, pouting her lips a little, running her hands along his chest, “and the first rule is, that you belong to me, get it?”

“Oh yeah, since when?” says Spike, rolling his eyes. “Are you going to tell your friends about us, about these little games you love so much?”

“Shut up Spike.” Buffy pulls her fist back, “unless you want me to hit you again?”

“Fine, I’m yours. What do you want from me?”

“Hmm, what do I want?” Buffy moves closer against him, sliding her hips until they lock in with his, their noses almost touching. She wraps her hands around his neck, squeezing.

“Ow, Buffy” Spike gasps as her grip tightens, “that hurts!”

“It’s supposed to,” she smirks, “I can tell you like it.”

He hardens beneath her, his body responding to the pain the way she knew it would. She releases his neck, moving her hands down to his collar.

“You know me so well, don’t you Slayer,” he laughs.

“Shut up!” Buffy says, ripping his shirt down the middle.

“Dammit Buffy, that’s my favorite one!” he says, holding up the tattered remains, “now I’ll have to steal another.”

She pulls him in close, her lips to his ear. Spike tries not to shake as his whole body tenses from the feel of her on top of him, from her breath, her soft skin.

“I told you not to call me Buffy,” she whispers, biting him on the neck, roughly.

He groans with the pain, but it only makes him harder, makes him want her more.

“It’s your turn to see how it feels,” she says before she pulls herself away from him, standing up. Spike rubs his neck, trying to pretend he’s annoyed when really he just wants her to do it again, to do anything that involves her touching him.

“So, what’s the game, Slayer?” he asks, trying to sound cool.

Buffy picks up the bag from the floor and pulls out heavy shackles and chains.

“It’s about trust, Spike,” she says. His eyes widen. He flinches a little as the chains clang loudly when she drops them onto the table.

She lifts up her black halter, slowly, revealing her smooth skin and bare breasts beneath. Spike opens his mouth, tilting his head slightly as he eyes her lustfully.

“So, do you trust me?” she asks.

“Well now, this could be incredibly kinky, and in that case, I’m in,” he says, running his fingers through his peroxide blonde hair.  He stands up, walking towards her, “Or maybe, you’ve decided you’re done with the games, and you have a stake in that bag,” he says as he circles around her, looking down into her green eyes. He stops.

“Maybe you’ll kill me.”

“Hmmm, I guess you’re right, Spikey,” Buffy answers, her voice mockingly sweet, “are you scared?”

“Hardly,” he scoffs back.  “Fine, I’ll play. You might as well put me out of my damn misery anyway, it’s not like I have anything to live for.”

“Oh, don’t say that Spikey, you have plenty to live for…at least until I’m done with you. Now be a good beastie and do as I say.”

Buffy walks over to the bed, feeding the chain through solid metal hooks on the wall.

“Down, Spike,” she says, nodding at the bed. He lies down, letting her lock the cuffs around his wrists.

“So, what’ll it be Slayer? What do you want from me?” he says, trying to mask his slight fear and overwhelming longing for her.

“You know what I want,” she says as she pulls off his pants, revealing his hard, pale, icy cock.

Spike smiles his evil smile, ready to get down to it, but Buffy punches him in the chest, her little knuckles leaving his skin burning.

“Ow, bloody hell!”

“I want to hurt you,” Buffy says, “And I want you to like it.”

This time she slaps his chin, his neck twisting from the power of her hand, the pain echoing through his skin and downwards.

“I like it,” he says, “You know I do.”

“Good,” she says, pulling off her boots, jeans, and lacy panties.

Buffy jumps on top of him, straddling him again, but this time she rubs herself over his cock, her clit tingling as it grazes him.

She grabs his nipples, her super strength pinching them way past the point of light foreplay. It feels like she’s ripping them off. Spike growls, his arms thrashing as he tries to break free. Buffy stops, staring at him solemnly. He thinks he sees love in her sad eyes, something real. His thoughts are interrupted as she slaps him again, without breaking her gaze. And again, and again.

Just as he begins to feel dizzy, his head pounding, she stops. She leans in and kisses him, and everything disappears, the aching he always feels, the pain, the longing. There’s only her sweet taste, her opposing strength and her soft feel, her smell.

And suddenly, a sharp jab at his heart. Literally. While she was kissing him, she’d reached beside the bed and pulled a stake out of her bag. He stiffens as she presses it lightly on his skin, smiling now.

Spike’s eyes widen; this time he can’t think of a witty comment. He looks up at her, half hoping she’s serious, that she’ll just kill him already.

Oh, what’s the use, he thinks. He relaxes his body, giving in. He closes his eyes. He feels the sharp end begin to pierce his skin, blood trickling lightly. The pain is nothing compared to what’s inside, beneath it. “Just do it already,” he says. Just when he thinks it’s really over, Buffy slides his cock inside her and clenches her warm wetness around him.

Spike moans, opening his eyes. Her hair falls over her face and her beautiful breasts, and she looks down on him, gasping. “Tell me you’re mine, Spike,” she says as she thrusts her hips, her hand pressing against where the stake was, blood smearing beneath her fingers.

“You know I’m always yours,” he says.

HedoVibes Round Up #64

This week’s edition of HedoVibes includes my LELO Luna Smart Bead, Tantus Splash, and Succu Dry reviews.

sgp_hedo64

Photo courtesy of Slutty Girl Problems

Welcome to HedoVibes, a collection of reviews and giveaways that were posted in the past week or so from around the web. This is a collection of adult product reviews & contests from real reviewers. If you want to be included in the next edition start with the guidelines, then use the submission form.

Want to read more reviews? Check out HedoVibes for a list of the latest reviews and stellar reviewers. You can also follow on twitter for the latest round ups. HedoVibes is also accepting photo submissions for each edition.

Continue reading »

Review: Fleshlight Succu Dry

pennysblog_succudry1Before I start talking specifics, can we take a moment to appreciate that the Fleshlight Succu Dry exists? You can fuck a vampire mouth with fangs. Let that sink in.

Since I don’t have a penis, this review is based on my partner Jake’s experiences with the product. And while I love my vagina, I admit I got a bit of penis envy while watching him thrust between those vamp fangs.1

If you’re not familiar with Fleshlights, they’re masturbator sleeves inside of cases that resemble flashlights. They’re made of Fleshlight’s soft Real Feel Super Skin and are modeled after orifices–vaginas, butts, mouths, etc., and you lube them up and go to town. The Succu Dry is part of the Fleshlight Freaks line, which also includes the Drac (anther vampire), Alien, Cyborg, Zombie, and Frankenstein orifices. Fleshlight, you are winning at life.

In addition to the classic Fleshlight design, they also make a line of masturbators in a smaller beer can design, like the Succu Dry, which are less expensive. The main difference between the Succu Dry and other Sex in a Can Fleshlights vs the originals is size. The canals in the original Fleshlights are 9″ long and have a diameter of .5″, whereas the Sex in a Cans are only 5.5″ long and have a diameter of .25.” If you have a bigger than average penis, you might prefer the original design.

Fleshlights come in all sorts of textures, and the Succu Dry has a unique one called “The Fang” featuring “dozens of tiny fangs that will gently bite at you until you’re drained of every last drop.” Basically, they’re nubbies with a pointed shape, but they’re soft. You can adjust the Succu Dry’s suction by tightening or loosening the bottom of the can.

pennysblog_succudry2Overall, Jake has really enjoyed the Succu Dry. He likes the unique sensations the fang texture provides, and he finds that he takes his time more with it than he would with his usual method (his hand.) The Succu Dry feels really tight, which could be either a good or bad thing based on your preferences, and he likes it, but he can only use it for up to about 20 minutes before the tightness is too much and starts to feel chaffing. He also prefers thrusting shallowly with it rather than going in and and out completely because of how tight it is.

Due to its material and tightness, the Succu Dry also requires a lot of lube. Jake’s gone through a bottle of lube already after using it for about a week. Jake has only tried one other Fleshlight (the Vibro Pink Lady with no texture), but he much prefers the Succu Dry since he enjoys the fangs texture. I’d like to have him try an original Fleshlight with texture at some point to see which he prefers.

In general Fleshlights are pretty easy to clean, you just rinse them with warm water, let them dry completely, add renewal powder if you want, and then store them. Since the Succu Dry is very textured and also very tight though, it takes a long time–about 24 hours–to dry completely, so it’s definitely not a toy you can use and stash away quickly. Since the material is porous, Fleshlights shouldn’t be shared. You should only use water based lube with Fleshlights, as silicone or oil could damage the material. If you want more info. on how to use and wash your Succu Dry, Lovehoney has helpful videos up on the product page.

If you’ve always dreamed of getting a blow job from a vampire, you’re in luck, because this Fleshlight will suck you dry. The creepily realistic fangs are just begging for your wooden stake–your Mr. Pointy! The Succu Dry is the perfect eerie and pleasurable sex toy for dark fantasies and vampire play, and it’s also a great masturbator option since the Sex in a Can toys are less expensive than original Fleshlights.

If you want the Succu Dry for Halloween, order it today or tomorrow and it should get there in time! Or order it in the next couple of days and get Express shipping for a little extra and it should be there in time as well. Let’s be honest though–any time is a good time for vampire sex play!

*UK readers, get the Succu Dry here!

Great news, y’all! You can now get 10% off of your Lovehoney purchase when you go to my page

Thanks for sending me the Succu Dry in exchange for my honest review, Lovehoney! (If you purchase through my links, you’ll be supporting my blog as I make a small commission.)


  1. I may have also chanted, fuck Druscilla! 

Review: Tantus Splash

pennysblog_splash1

For me, the Splash was an acquired taste, kind of like Fernet.

If you haven’t tried it, Fernet is an Italian liquor that has an herby taste. Some people don’t like its distinctive flavor, but when I was in studying in Argentina in college, it was everyone’s drink of choice. Like, if you don’t like Fernet there, just go home. So I tried it again…and again…and before long I was in love with its weird flavor and sharing a huge vat of Fernet and Coke with about 10 friends while out at the boliches.pennysblog_splash2

That’s how the Splash was for me. I’d heard other bloggers rave about it, so I was dying to try it. But the first time I did, I didn’t really like it.  It felt strange and almost irritating, and I wondered what all of the hype was about. I’d heard that the type of people who like it are “texture sluts.” Obviously we all have our preferences, but I wanted to join the texture slut club. So I tried it again…and again…and now I love its exceptional texture.

The Splash is an intense dildo. Not because it’s super girthy or curvy, because it’s not1, but because it’s firm and has drips of silicone along its body that provide truly unique sensations. Just look at it. It looks part sci-fi, part artsy, which I love. Realistic toys are great, but sometimes you just want to masturbate with something that looks like a shimmery alien blob, am I right?

The Splash isn’t a dildo I use to thrust with wild abandon. I squeeze around it, and with a vibe on my clit, I use short, minimal thrusts, because that’s all I need to devour its texture. The little ripples on the top of its head feel amazing going in and rubbing on my g-spot, and when inserted deeper, the drips feel fabulous. As is standard for Tantus dildos, the Splash is harness compatible and anal safe, and since it’s 100% silicone, it’s hygienic, and it can be boiled and sterilized.

My vag isn’t always in the mood to be Splashed. But when I  do get a sudden craving for its drippy texture, nothing else will satisfy. And I can now proudly say I am a texture slut, thanks to this gorgeous dildo. I <3 you, Tantus.

If you love textured toys, you need the Splash. If you’re not sure if you like texture or not and want to try something new, the Splash is amazing, and I bet you’ll like it. If you want to try out the same texture but aren’t sure about its size, you could try the smaller Splish. If you don’t like texture, the Splash probably isn’t for you, but Tantus has lots of other high quality, 100% silicone dildos to choose from!

Don’t forget to use code PENNY at checkout for 15% off!

pennysblog_tantusbannerThanks for sending me the Splash in exchange for my honest review, Tantus!


  1. it has a 1.75″ diameter