Category Archives: Sex Classes

Diana J Torres- Vagaculation Workshop

pennysblog_vagaculationworkshop

I didn’t really know what to expect from queer, anarcha-feminist activist and performance artist Diana J Torres’ Vagaculation1 workshop at Forbidden Fruit Thursday night. Or rather, I kind of just expected it to be a class on techniques on how to ejaculate, but it was so much more than that–it was full of real talk about the social and political reasons why women (or people who have a vagina) don’t ejaculate.

Diana began by telling us her story–she’s always been an ejaculator, leaving a “lake on the bed.”  For years she thought she was peeing every time she had great sex, but something clicked for her after a time when she noticed a white ring around the puddle she’d left.

She had a feeling that she wasn’t peeing during sex but didn’t know what was happening, so Diana turned to science to try to figure out what was going on with her body, where she found bullshit and sexist ignorance at every turn. At the University of Barcelona, she found scientific diagrams of female anatomy with white space where the female prostate should be. Medical descriptions undermined women’s pleasure, calling the vulva a “secondary characteristic” and the clitoris an “incidental organ” (are you fucking kidding?)

I’d rather have my head cut off than my clit, she said in response to that.

Basically, women’s anatomy that isn’t related to reproduction or hetero sex is undermined or ignored within medicine and ignorance reigns. So much so, that in Spain and Mexico, if you go to a gyno and explain that you think you’re peeing during sex (ejaculating), that they’ll send you to a urologist, and then they’ll remove your prostate to “fix the problem.” Girls as young as 18 have come to Diana’s workshops and have told her about this happening to them. I know that cunt ejaculation is still very taboo, but I had no idea this was happening–it’s beyond infuriating!

pennysblog_vagaculationworkshop3You may have noticed by now that I haven’t referred to the “g-spot” so far in this post, and there’s a reason for that. Another thing Diana talked about was what she considers the conspiracy or war against the (female) prostate. She explained that she thinks that Gräfenberg (the man who “discovered” the g-spot) couldn’t just come out and say that women have prostates because of his era, but that everything he discovered pointed to what he found (the g-spot) as being a prostate very similar to men’s prostates.

From that point on, according to Torres, the idea of the g-spot and especially its relation to orgasm was a money making ploy to get people to buy books and products about how to find the g-spot, while at the same time keeping women from actually knowing their bodies. Many of the books about finding the g-spot were aimed at men, as if women can’t find it themselves. In her opinion, the word g-spot is overly femme and misleading because in reality it’s a prostate, and there’s no reason not to call it that.2 She explained that women can get prostate cancer, but that by the time it’s caught it’s often spread and is classified as vaginal cancer, and that the prostate isn’t a gendered thing–there aren’t a lot of differences between male and female prostates.

pennysblog_vagaculationworkshop2Her ideas were reinforced by research of other cultures that mention female ejaculation as completely normal. Aristotle, Hypocrates, and Galenus all mentioned cunt ejaculation and the term sperm wasn’t gendered because they didn’t know yet that sperm are only present in male ejaculation. Female ejaculation is also part of a ritual in matriarchal socities called “kachapati” in Uganda, wherein older women teach young women to ejaculate as part of a rite of passage.

So if ejaculation was seen in history as a normal part of women’s sexuality (and is considered normal in some other cultures), what happened? Our western cultures and oppressive religion happened (namely, Catholicism.)

After talking about the ways in which female ejaculation has been systematically ignored, or worse, vilified as something that only whores do, Torres went on to explain how we can GET REVENGE (aka take back our sexuality) by:

-Knowing out bodies better than science does. Mistrust science always.

-Make up for lost time by practicing.

-Spread the word! You don’t have to tell everyone you meet on the street about cunt ejaculation (though that sounds kind of amazing to me.) Tell everyone you care about.

She also shared tips on how to start ejaculating (or become ok with it if there is shame associated with it):

It’s NOT pee. Repeat this like a mantra. She suggests cumming onto a black sheet so that you can see a white ring around it after it dries as she did, or ejaculating into a container to see that it’s not yellow.

Even though I ejaculate, and I know it’s not pee, I still stick my nose in my come almost every time, just to smell it and remind myself. I’ve also blotted the wetness with toilet paper to check its color. She also suggests checking your pee color right after sex, because if you don’t expel ejaculate, retrograde ejaculation happens and it ends up in the bladder, often changing the color of your pee to white.

-Get over the women are “clean” and their pleasure is “discreet” lies. LIES. LIES. LIES.

-Techniques: Relax right before orgasm instead of contracting, which is usually our reflex. If you do start to ejaculate, push to keep it going. You can’t contract and push at the same time, so if you push, you’ll stop your contracting. She also suggests using fingers (and putting your shoulder into it when your hand gets tired) though personally dildos work better for me. Either way, you can’t usually ejaculate when you have anything big inside of you, so it’ll have to come out at some point.

-Be patient.

-Protect your mattress. Get a plastic mattress cover (or if you want to be fancy, a Throe–I don’t know what I would do without mine!) This is actually a health issue, as fungus can grow on a wet mattress and cause health problems.

-Tell partners ahead of time that you might ejaculate. This can serve as a filter for good lovers and will help avoid people who may have unintentionally (or intentionally) negative responses when surprised by vagaculation.

Although her workshop was very different from the one Deborah Sundahl hosted here in Austin a few years ago, the core theme I took away from both of them was the same–that the reasons women don’t ejaculate are mainly psychological.

What does this mean for us though? It’s definitely not as simple as, “Oh, ok, I’ve been told that women are meant to be clean and proper, and that’s BS so I’ll just start ejaculating now!” As Diana said–you’re not going to erase centuries of oppression in one workshop (or one attempt.) It takes time and effort. And it may never happen, and that’s fine. Not being able to ejaculate doesn’t make you any less of a “real women” or a “real feminist.” You aren’t missing mind blowing orgasms if you don’t ejaculate (in fact, ejaculation isn’t even necessarily connected to orgasms at all.)

pennysblog_vagaculationworkshop1Another thing I found incredibly interesting during the class was that Diana told us about how once she tried to stop her ejaculation by putting her finger over her urethra, and she still ejaculated. So she looked into it more and discovered there are actually other holes besides the urethra that expel ejaculate–the Skene’s ducts.

This led to an interesting discussion that I started on Twitter. She said you can see the ducts if you pull the labia taught and shine a light directly in front of it. I have yet to see them on my vulva (I need a magnifying mirror stat!) but I am definitely going to explore this.

I could go on and on about the workshop. It was extremely thought provoking, and Diana was in your face and intense and at times hilarious. At first I wondered if I should share the things I learned in this workshop on my blog…since we did pay ($10 which was well worth it) to go to her workshop.

But that is the opposite of what her workshop was about. It was about fighting ignorance and spreading knowledge and breaking through the patriarchal bullshit and owning our sexuality. It was about explaining that the g-spot/prostate isn’t something you need to spend money to find or something mysterious you have to go mining in your vagina for.

And on the flip side–this is by no means an all inclusive explanation of her workshop. I took copious notes, but there was an energy in the class that I can’t explain by just describing her points. I may write more about some of the things she talked about in greater depth because there was so much to think about, and if anyone has questions or thoughts, I’d love to chat.

If you’re in Austin, Diana’s doing two more events this weekend, one tonight (Porno Terrorismo) and one on Sunday (Muestra marrana.) And if you ever get a chance to go to one of her workshops, GO. Just trust me. Also, she’s coming out with a book soon, so I can’t wait to read that.

*Thanks for hosting this awesome workshop Forbidden Fruit!


  1. I love the name vagaculation, btw. Vagaculation. Vagaculation. 

  2. I’m not condemning the term g-spot, but it’s definitely something worth thinking about. 

Yes, the G-Spot Is Real

Yesterday I finally made it out to Q-Toys, the only store in Austin that carries only safe, non-toxic sex toys, for a g-spot workshop. The small shop on Burnet is a mecca for those seeking quality toys in Texas, and I had a great time checking out some I’ve been eyeing, like the We-Vibe Touch, Vixskin Mustang, and Pure Plugs, and talking to the awesome and friendly owner Stephanie.

What I wasn’t impressed with though was the g-spot workshop. And by not impressed I actually mean very upset.

The class seemed to have potential, with the Pure Wand, Gigi, and other quality g-spot toys lining the front table, but things went downhill fast when the presenter (Julie Sunday) started the workshop by saying that no one really knows if the g-spot exists.

At first I thought maybe it was a joke or a transition into discussing how the study of female pleasure is often dismissed or distorted, but it wasn’t. We’ve all heard the debates about whether or not the g-spot exists, even though we know it does. The g-spot is the urethral sponge. It sits around the urethra & can be felt through the front wall of the vagina. I’m not surprised (but still upset) when I hear these discussions in mainstream media, but in a sex positive store, from a sex educator?

Yes, a sex educator started the g-spot workshop by saying that no one knows if the g-spot exists, and if it does, no one knows what it is. She drew up a diagram of vaginal anatomy, but with ??? instead of labeling the g-spot.

workshopdiagramMy heightened blood pressure lowered a bit as the presenter moved on to talk about toys that stimulate the g-spot…until at the end of the class, as if it was an afterthought, she mentioned female ejaculation.

Specifically, she claimed that some women just ejaculate and others don’t, and if you don’t already ejaculate naturally, you probably never will, so don’t worry about it. She joked, “there are some porn dvds that claim they can teach it, so if you want to drop $50, I’m sure it works (sarcastic tone.)”

What??

At this point I was screaming on the inside, and I wanted to get up in front of the class and say this is absolutely not true! But I didn’t want to get into a big confrontation, so I waited until she was done. I whispered to my friend about it, who was equally shocked by the presentation, and then I approached Julie when someone else was done asking her a question.

I tried to be friendly as I told her that it’s definitely possible to learn how to ejaculate, that I have, and that I know of a lot of others who have too. Her response was to tell me that it’s a big thing in porn to ejaculate, and that it puts unnecessary pressure on people and that plenty of people are just fine without it. I understand that this may be the case for some people, but isn’t that why we’re here at a g-spot class, to learn about stimulating the g-spot?

I tried talking to her more about my concerns with what she’d said, but it was going nowhere. I started feeling pretty uncomfortable talking to her, and I’m not great with confrontation, so I let it go and went back to looking at toys and talking to the owner.

I wasn’t planning on critiquing the workshop at all, but I feel obligated to say something about the misinformation in the class. We already have enough people claiming the g-spot isn’t real and that female ejaculation isn’t real or you have to be a porn star to do it, and the fact that a sex educator is furthering these misconceptions worries me. If I didn’t already know what the g-spot is and how to stimulate mine, I would have left the workshop confused, frustrated, and discouraged.

It’s definitely possible to learn how to ejaculate. I’ve done it, plenty of others have done it, and there are books and classes that can help. Not everyone can do it, and not everyone likes it, and that’s fine, but there’s certainly nothing wrong with wanting to or trying to learn.

There are a plethora of misconceptions about the g-spot. It isn’t the be all end all of female pleasure. It’s not a magic place you can just find and immediately start having the best orgasms of your life. Everyone’s g-spot is different, some are more sensitive than others, and not everyone enjoys the way g-spot stimulation feels.

But the g-spot is a real, physical thing. Period.

From The Smart Girl's Guide to the G-spot

From The Smart Girl’s Guide to the G-spot

*Helpful G-Spot Links & Resources:

Does the G-Spot Exist? – She Blog

Female Ejaculation & the G-Spot – Deborah Sundahl

G-spot Resource Guide & G-spot Facts – Violet Blue

How To Find the G-Spot – Ducky Doolittle

The G-Spot Does Exist! – Oh, Megan!

The Secrets of Great G-Spot Orgasms & Female Ejaculation

The Smart Girl’s Guide to the G-Spot

Tristan Taormino, Danny Wylde, & Dylan Ryan Talk the G-spot

**Update 6/27**

The owner of Q Toy’s response to my post (which I emailed her about) was mostly dismissive. She said that she wouldn’t address Julie’s stance on female ejaculation because she had already talked to her about it and knew they disagreed on the subject (so she knew before the workshop that the educator doesn’t believe women can learn to ejaculate, which is a problem.)

As for the g-spot not existing, she defended the presentation, saying that no one was claiming the g-spot doesn’t exist, only that the scientific community hasn’t agreed on it etc. But as I explained before, the presentation started by saying that no one knows if the g-spot exists or what it is, and Julie didn’t assert that it is real or explain the basics of what it is. Hence the ??? on the diagram.  She did say that if I took it that way, others might too, so she’d talk to Julie about re-framing the discussion, which is something, but the fact that she defended the presentation and made it seem like it was acceptable and normal is frustrating. Not surprisingly, she also said she wished I had come to her before posting (which actually means, I wish you had come to me so I could convince you not to post.)

I explained myself further in another email, although I feel it was already properly addressed in my post:

“I wanted to wait until the presentation was over to bring it up to be polite, but as I said in my post, I was not able to engage in a constructive conversation with Julie. When I said there are books about the g-spot, she immediately said they don’t know what they’re talking about. I responded, “Violet Blue doesn’t know what she’s talking about?” and she said “no, definitely not,” immediately dismissing me. The way she described female ejaculation & trying to learn was also sarcastic and negative. A workshop space should not be a place that makes fun of people who are trying to learn about female ejaculation or any sexual topic.”

I never heard back after that. After her response to my 1st email & lack of response to my 2nd, I don’t feel comfortable shopping at Q Toys again, which is unfortunate because I liked the store. Also, from the response I got, it seems the problematic presentation will continue mostly as is, with the same presenter.

Deborah Sundahl’s Class and Thoughts on Female Ejaculation

Ever since I gushed all over my bed for the first time, I’ve hoped I would get a chance to meet the head cheerleader of my squirting escapades. And no I’m not talking about myself, or even my wonderful boyfriend, or the Seymore Butts porn stars with expert squirting skills that we watched together. I’m talking about Deborah Sundahl, the woman who quietly encouraged my g-spot exploration from behind the pages of her amazing book, Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot.

Lucky for me, Deborah came to Austin last week to teach some classes, and as soon as I found out I bought 2 tickets*. When the day rolled around neither Jake or I knew what to expect, and I admit I was somewhat disappointed that there wasn’t a huge fountain in the front of the class, or women pen in hand ready to take notes on the subject (besides me of course) or  really anything other than what you would expect— a room with folding chairs, 20 or so students (both singles and couples), a Powerpoint presentation, and of course Deborah, a lovely woman in a flowered dress smiling behind glasses as she discussed the often (unnecessarily) taboo topic of female ejaculation.

The presentation itself was basically a condensed version of her book, starting with an overview of the history of ejaculation and then moving into the anatomy of the g-spot. As she explained facts about the female prostate, like that it has a vine like shape and emits ejaculate, the class was mainly silent and not many participated in discussion. But after showing a short video of an up-close shot of a woman’s g-spot and ejaculate trickling out, the discussion began to flow as well, and more people chimed in with their questions and experiences. One woman could ejaculate already but hadn’t experienced a g-spot orgasm, and another may have squirted but thought it could have been pee.  A man sitting next to me wanted to know if ejaculate is different from other vaginal lubrication, and another wondered if having ejaculation as a goal could lead to performance anxiety for women.

As people began to talk more, some of their questions reflected the various reasons why women don’t ejaculate or have g-spot orgasms. For many, it’s a lack of knowledge. Before she started the video, the TV screen was frozen on a close up of the woman’s vagina, and when she asked if anyone could see her g-spot, only 4 people had raised their hands, two of which were Jake and I. After the video action, everyone saw it; it was there the whole time, yet most people couldn’t identify it at first. Deborah also explained that due to its location there’s no way you cannot stimulate the g-spot during penetration, so the issue of women who can’t find or feel their g-spot is usually a problem of awareness (it certainly was for me at first.) For many women, ejaculation often suffers a similar fate, either going unnoticed as extra wetness or negatively noticed as pee or some unknown substance. Once we know about the g-spot, where it’s located, and how it looks and feels when stimulated, we’re one huge step closer to ejaculation and g-spot pleasure.

As far as my own ejaculation journey, the most crucial point I learned from Deborah’s teachings is that “letting go” is the biggest obstacle to female ejaculation. When I say “letting go” I mean fully allowing ourselves to be in the moment, and letting go of fear during sex, the fear of peeing, the fear of laughing, farting, screaming, whatever.  Although I didn’t decide to “let go” and immediately go squirt the night I finished her book (it took some time and exploration), reading her book definitely gave me an encouraging push in the right direction. It happens naturally for some women, but I feel that something was blocking me from ejaculating, and the book, as well as my efforts, my boyfriend, and some sex toys helped to remove.

Although I had already read about most of the topics that Deborah talked about in her class, I still enjoyed the classroom atmosphere, observing how others approached the topic, and meeting and talking to Deborah. Even though I can ejaculate now, I know I’m not done with my exploration of female ejaculation, both with my own experiences with it as well as learning about and hopefully encouraging other women’s. It seems so strange, especially after discovering my own innate ability to ejaculate, that female ejaculation is something that so many people still don’t know about. I only found out about it a few years ago while I was organizing porn when I worked at a sex shop and came across a film titled “Young Squirters 8” or something along those lines.

From talking to many people about sex both at the sex shop as well as in my personal life, I’ve discovered that female ejaculation isn’t something most people talk about openly. And if they do talk about it, I often get the impression that they think it’s something weird, even gross, or at the least something that’s more of a novelty for porn than for all women to experience. I hope to change that. Even if it’s just by telling other people about my own experiences (I’ve told more than I can count already) and by sharing my stories on this blog. I’ve discovered that ejaculating is a beautiful, satisfying, empowering part of my body and my sexuality, and I hope other women who haven’t already will discover that as well. Or at the very least I hope they learn what it is and know that it’s completely natural and acceptable.  So whatever your situation with female ejaculation, I encourage you to think about it, talk about it, and write about it. And hopefully soon female ejaculation won’t be seen as a novelty or as something weird but instead recognized as what it truly is— a natural, amazing, and powerful part of our sexuality.

*I bought tickets to her co-ed lecture class; she also had an all day women only hands on Feminine Flow workshop, which unfortunately I couldn’t attend as I had another event that day.

Oral Sex Class

Last night a group of girls and I enjoyed drinks, played games, and participated in an oral sex class for my friend’s Bachelorette party. The Maid of Honor told me ahead of time that she had booked an oral sex instructor, but I didn’t know it would be Charla Hathaway, a sex and intimacy coach I had previously met at an event. I was excited to see her warm, friendly familiar face and to hear what she had to say about oral sex.

Charla began by introducing herself and her work and had us all take out our bananas. After peeling the bananas and posing for some funny not-for-facebook pictures, we began playing with our bananas. Instead of focusing on pleasing or “getting off” the bananas, Charla told us to pay attention to the way the bananas felt around our lips, on the soft skin of our cheeks, and in our mouths. Although there were some awkward giggles stemming from feelings of self-consciousness and over all silliness from erotically playing with a banana, we listened to the instructions she gave in her soft, seductive voice and did our best to take the banana playing seriously. At one point we all broke down laughing as one girl exclaimed, “I broke my banana!”

After answering various questions and leading our banana play session, Charla showed us how to do the put a condom on with your mouth trick. I had never tried it before, and it was actually pretty easy and fun.  In addition to the banana play, we also spent some time talking about how to express to our lovers what we want and how to slow down and enjoy intimacy and being in the moment.

I definitely enjoyed Charla’s class and her teaching style. I appreciated the philosophy Charla expressed to us, that oral sex is much more fun for both partners when the giver focuses more on enjoying the process rather than getting the receiver off. It was a fun, light-hearted, and sexy night. After the class, we had more drinks and played various games including one of my favorites, Who is the Biggest Slut.