Last year I bought Deborah Sundah’s book Female Ejaculation and the G-spot and began my quest towards ejaculation and getting my feminine waters flowing. I felt like ejaculation would be a life changing thing, something that I needed to accomplish before I could feel like a truly equal and powerful sexual partner. I read the book cover to cover and became more excited with every chapter, reading about how female ejaculation has been worshipped in many cultures, how it’s good for your health, and how empowering it is to so many women.
According the book, one of the biggest obstacles women have to overcome when learning to squirt is simply accepting that female ejaculation is real (as in ejaculation fluid, not pee) and that it’s not only possible but also beautiful and just as natural as male ejaculation. I set my mind to it, had faith that I could squirt, followed Deborah’s advice, and began exploring my g-spot on my own. I approached it without any goal of an orgasm, following her instructions about massaging my g-spot until it felt full and pushing out like I had to pee. I tried on my own a couple of times, but felt like I wasn’t even close to squirting and ended up giving up. Jake tried to help me out a couple of times as well, but looking back, I was way too focused on the goal of squirting and not allowing myself to just be in the moment. I was putting too much performance pressure on myself, and I always felt frustration and disappointment when I couldn’t do it, even if I had a great g-spot orgasm. After my few attempts alone and with Jake last year, I gave up on my squirting goal and figured I would come back to it when I felt ready. We stopped talking about it, and I stopped trying to do it.
That all changed today. Jake and I both had the day off, and we began to play, starting with him sucking and biting my nipples while I caressed my clit for awhile. “Let’s just do this for a long time,” he said, and I agreed. Playtime, pleasure, and exploration were the goal for the day, not sex (although we did end up having sex later.) We took our time, first my fingers on my clit and his lips on my breasts, then his lips on my clit, my fingers on my breasts, then my mouth around him as he stroked me; we slowly went through all of the possible combinations. Eventually he began fingering me, slowly at first, but with increasing speed and pressure. I was already extremely turned on and could feel my g-spot swelling and becoming larger by the moment. I concentrated on breathing deeply and succumbing to the warm feeling inside me as his fingers massaged my g-spot and I rubbed my clit between my fingers. After playing for awhile and having a few orgasms, I felt like my g-spot was so full that it was going to burst, so I tried pushing out like I was peeing.
“It seems like you’re ready,” Jake said as he kept fingering me, “you just pushed my hand completely out and I could see it (my g-spot.)” I pushed his fingers out again and pushed like I was going to pee but nothing came out. So he continued, moving his fingers around inside of me, using firm pressure as he cupped my g-spot, tugged on it, rolled it between his fingers, and pushed on it harder and harder and faster and faster until I had another orgasm that left me screaming and out of breath, and I gasped, “now!” As he pulled out his fingers I pushed my g-spot out and kept pushing like I was peeing, until I felt a warm liquid erupt from inside me, squirting up into the air and down onto my thighs and the sheets beneath. After a few seconds of squirting, Jake thrust his fingers inside me again, but I still felt full and said, “wait, there’s more,” and kept pushing and pushing and squirting and squirting out more warm ejaculate. I felt it gush out of me like a stream flowing wildly, pushing away everything in its path until it was done—leaving the sheets under me completely soaked, Jake with a huge grin on his face, and me ecstatic and giggling, feeling high on the experience.
I did it, I finally reached one of my biggest sexual goals; I ejaculated. I let go of the fear of peeing and just let myself gush all over the fucking place, and it felt so good I literally jumped up and down afterwards. I think it finally happened because I was so relaxed and so turned on and not even thinking about it until the moment was right, and I was ready. I already had the knowledge I needed from Deborah’s book; I knew I needed to push like I was going to pee, and I did it at the right time. I don’t think I would have been able to squirt without first reading her book because I didn’t know what to do, but I wasn’t able to let go and just do it until I had forgotten about the book and my squirting goal.
Afterwards I felt more than giddy and breathless like I normally feel after an orgasm; I felt more alive and full of emotions. I felt empowered, excited and extremely confident. I felt even more connected with Jake. I felt like I wanted to run around yelling and telling everyone I know. I felt strong, peaceful, and in tune with myself. I felt like a river with natural and untamed vigor; my feminine fountain was finally flowing.