What was Dildo Holiday, you might ask? It was an epic joining of 7 sex bloggers (Epiphora, Aerie, Bex, Kate, Reenie, Girly Juice, & I) in a fabulous place on the coast of Oregon called Dildo Manor. We came together to share knowledge, dildos, and laughs, and we left with countless memories (and more dildos.) Since it would be nearly impossible for me to recount all of the fabulous moments, here are 10 of my favorite things from the trip.
1. Devil’s Point
Photo by Aerie
I’ve been to the strip club plenty of times, but never with a group of babes. We got there early and sat up front and watched beautiful tattooed dancers do amazing things with their bodies, and I got a private dance from a dancer named Pixie who looked like a combination of Jennifer Lawrence and Stoya. It was our first night all together, and we bonded over drinks and vulvae. Oh, and some dudes called us “rich girls” because how dare we sit up front and capture the attention of the dancers by tipping an appropriate amount. Move along, bro.
2. Cherub of Shame
Cherub of Shame trying to stop Piph from getting her Hitachi
If you were following the #dildoholiday hashtag, you probably noticed a creepy baby/angel/mermaid statue sucking its thumb called Cherub of Shame. Long story short, we noticed it was watching us when we first arrived at Dildo Manor, and then it kept appearing in random places throughout the house, as if it were alive. Piph first noticed it disapproved of our shenanigans when it tried to block her from going upstairs to grab her Hitachi during porn night, and it went downhill from there. The cherub appeared in the fridge, on the toilet, tucked in Kate’s bed, staring at us eerily from the bathroom, always watching, judging. I bet it misses us heathens though.
3. Porn Night
How can you go wrong watching an amazing selection of indie porn curated by Kate, surrounded by babely sex bloggers? We watched hot porn that didn’t show any genitals, porn with great communication, and porn with people getting fucked by doll’s legs. We all moaned in unison when Wolf Hudson and Danny Wylde kissed in My Own Master, we cheered on Jiz Lee’s rimming skills during Justify My Jiz, and we were amazed/inspired by the fact that Annie Sprinkle was squirting before any of us were even born. Oh, and we cuddled/live tweeted/had casual orgasms throughout, no big deal.
4. The Epic Sex
The first night in Dildo Manor, Epiphora let me borrow her Hitachi rechargeable during porn night. Then we kissed and went to my room, and I fingered her until the sun came up and my fingers were pruny, and she was so soft and smelled amazing and made the sexiest sounds, and it was unforgettable. Throughout Dildo Holiday, I was both a bit of an exhibitionist and a voyeur, I squirted alongside Bex (sharing porn like a textbook, like you do), I got spanked, and I was part of an epic group masturbation session during which I tried/fell in love with Aerie’s G Spoon and Kate’s glass dildo, Lil Bloomer.
5. Making our own glass dildos
Me making my glass dildo! Photo by Kate Sinclaire
Epiphora, Aerie, & Bex told us there would be a super secret surprise. They warned us that it might get hot and to wear closed toed shoes. Are we going hiking? On a boat? How is this dildo related? We were hella confused. But it all made sense when we pulled up into a parking lot, and I spotted a sign that read “Blow Your Own Glass.”
We each decided on colors and general shapes, and the artists did their best to create what we had in mind. Each of our dildos is unique to our preferences, but there was a common theme–more curve! I love the color and shape of mine…but it’s a little bigger (ok a lot bit bigger) than I intended, and I have yet to actually get it to fit in my vagina (but Kate did! So there’s hope.) We had a guessing game going on social media as to whose was whose…and
Dildo Psychic Panda Sauce actually got them all right! Also, my partner/a dude friend of mine both guessed mine correctly–I was super impressed!
See more of my glass dildo making photos in this post!
The results: gorgeous glass dildos!
A huge thanks to our sponsors Tantus & We-Vibe–we wouldn’t have been able to do it without them!
6. Teaching the photography workshop
Photo of me by Kate Sinclaire
I don’t think I’d ever actually been excited about a PowerPoint until I made one for the how to take beautiful dildo photos workshop that Kate & I hosted. I’d also never really taught others about photography…and I realized I really enjoy it–I was so proud when Reenie captured a gorgeously composed shot, and when I showed Piph the magic of Lightroom. After the workshop, everyone suggested I offer a Photography for Sex Bloggers course, so stay tuned for details on that!
7. The Dildos
Dildo Holiday meeting, captured by Epiphora
Obviously it wouldn’t have been Dildo Holiday without the dildos. Dildos, everywhere. Dildos crowding tables during meetings. Dildos stuffed in toy bags. Dildos born of fire. Dildo tattoos. Dildo photos. Dildos with cheese. Dildos soaking in bleach solution, waiting to be used again. Dildos in sinks. In closets. In our epic goodie bags. In porn. In vaginas.
8. Telephone Pictionary- Sex Blogger Edition When sex bloggers get together and play telephone pictionary (aka Eat Poop You Cat), ridiculous things happen. Somehow “double penetration” becomes “very confused genital person whose parts have been replaced with a coat hanger” and “sharing porn like sharing a textbook” turns into “pregnant people looking at a farmer’s butt while the farmer looks at a painting of a cat wearing a butt plug.” We laughed until we cried (and snorted.)
9. Pizza+Sybian+50 Shades of Grey
What did we do on the last day that everyone was together in Portland? We ordered a ridiculous amount of pizza, curled up together in Piph’s basement,
watched mocked 50 Shades of Grey, and rode the infamous Sybian, of course–Girly Juice even managed to do all 3 simultaneously. As if it could get any better, Piph’s adorable cat Chowder did a round of lap-sitting while we watched.
A huge thanks to SheVibe, our generous food sponsor!
10. The People
Epic matching sex toys/tattoos photo, captured by Kate
I don’t think I’ve ever clicked with a group of people as quickly and effortlessly as I did with the Dildo Holiday peeps. Even though I’d only met half of them IRL, it seemed like we’d all been friends for years. When I was with my peeps, it was completely normal to live tweet masturbation sessions, shoot noodz, hang out without pants, compare the curliness of our pubes, toast to DPs, and to share lube and sex toys (after discussing STI status/cleaning preferences, of course.) Girly Juice goes into it more in her post, but the sex positive and body positive vibes were nothing short of amazing.
Want to hear even more about Dildo Holiday? Check out Epiphora’s post/ Storify, Girly Juice’s posts, & Kate’s posts!
Thanks so much to all of the Dildo Holiday sponsors: Tantus, We-Vibe, SheVibe, Early to Bed, Smitten Kitten, & Tool Shed Toys— y’all are the best!