Best & Worst Sex Toys of 2014

This list includes the best and worst products that I reviewed during 2014! (They weren’t necessarily released in 2014.)

Best Vibrator

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LELO Mona 2- Mona–the vibe that’s so good, I chose it over pizza. It has a wide range of moderately strong vibration, it’s easy to use and hold, it’s waterproof, rechargeable, and incredibly versatile. It’s definitely one of the best LELO products I’ve ever tried, along with the awesome Luna Beads.

Runner Up: Eroscillator Top Deluxe Ultimate Combo- If I were to judge by orgasm alone, the Eroscillator would win over Mona. But the Eroscillator doesn’t have as many other redeeming qualities as Mona–it’s not waterproof or travel-friendly, and it’s not made of silicone. It’s also $115.95 more expensive than the already not cheap Mona for the version I have. In a perfect world, everyone should have an Eroscillator, but not everyone can drop $200+ on a vibe that isn’t even waterproof or discreet. That’s why Mona wins–it has more features and a better overall value than the Eros. If you have the money though, you should get one–your clit will thank you!

Best Dildo

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Vixen Creations Buck- Where do I begin? Buck is a beautiful creature. It’s made of Vixen’s incredibly realistic, squishy silicone VixSkin, and that head… If I had to choose to keep only a few of my dildos, Buck would be in the top 3, below only the amazing, insta-squirt inducing Pure Wand & Comet Wand.

Runner Up: Tantus Splash- I actually didn’t care for the Splash’s unique intense sensations at first…but like Fernet, it was an aquired taste, and now I can’t get enough. Thanks to the Splash, I am now a member of the exclusive “texture slut” club.

Best Butt Toy

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NobEssence Romp- I cannot truly express how amazing the Romp feels in my butt-I can only say that if you enjoy putting things in your butt, you need to experience it. And not only does it feel amazing, it’s fucking beautiful. Just look at it. All hail the Romp!

Runner Up: Fun Factory Bootie- I don’t use the Bootie often anymore because it’s a little on the small side for my tastes now, but it is the perfect beginner plug. It’s small and easy to insert but also stimulating and super comfortable to wear around, and it’s also affordable. Yay, Bootie!

Best BDSM Toy

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Tantus Plunge- It’s an intense paddle, with a dildo-handle. It’s also 100% silicone & completely sterilizable, unlike most paddles. Need I say more?

Runner Up: Bettie Page Picture This Spanking Bat- I love all things Bettie Page, so I fell in love with this gorgeous paddle the moment I laid eyes on it. It doesn’t hurt much, so it’s great for beginner impact play or for those who don’t like a lot of pain…or for any die hard Bettie fan, of course.

Best Book

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The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy by Violet Blue- Violet Blue’s Ultimate Guide to Fantasy is chock full of helpful information and ideas for adding excitement to your sex life. At 256 pages, it’s not exactly light reading, but Blue pulls you in with an accessible, easy to read tone and exciting topics that will keep you interested the whole way through.

Runner Up: 50 Shades of Kink by Tristan Toarmino- This book should be required reading for anyone interested in BDSM and kink. Taormino stresses the importance of consent, communication, and safety while she discusses the basics of BDSM and power play.

Best Bargain

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Tracey Cox Supersex Toner Balls- Simple and effective, the Tracey Cox Toner Balls are a solid set of kegel balls, and for only $26.99, they’re a steal!

Runner Up: Tantus Slow Drive- The Slow Drive is an amazing little g-spotter and my go-to recommendation for an affordable first time g-spot dildo. At full price it’s only $37.40 with code PENNY at checkout, & right now the limited edition purple haze version is only $25.50 with code PENNY. For a high quality 100% silicone dildo, that is ridiculously cheap!

Worst Toy

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LELO Ida- My version of Ida’s product description: Ida: the toy for those who like a challenge (can YOU finish without crying?) 

Runner Up: Vibratex Princessa- The Princessa looks like a cross between a flower, a nipple, a bug, and an alien, which I love, but unfortunately it has some of the weakest, buzziest vibrations I’ve ever felt.

Biggest Disappointment

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LELO Smart Bead- I was really excited to try out the Smart Bead, which is supposed to measure your “orgasm potential” (aka kegel strength) and then give you a customized 5 minute kegel routine–you squeeze when it vibrates and relax your muscles when it stops. Sadly, the Smart Bead doesn’t seem to measure kegel strength at all, and its vibration is so weak you can barely feel it in use. Oh, and it’s battery operated and has a seam on the part you insert, so lube and vag juice seeps into the bead. A gimmicky, impossible to clean, weak ass toy for $109? Hell no. 

Runner Up: Shibari Halo Wand- I had high hopes for the Halo Wand since it was the first rechargable wand vibrator I’ve tried, and it features a silicone head, unlike many wands, but its vibration is buzzy, and it cannot get me off. Fail.

Most Entertaining Review

Lovehoney Sensual Glass Plug

Lovehoney Sensual Glass Plug- Two words: butthole failure. I did finally get that sucker in, but oh boy was it a journey.

Runner Up: Fun Factory B Balls- There’s something funny about butt toys that fail, isn’t there? I’ve given the B Balls the nickname “poo balls.” Yes, they induced pooping when I used them, and no, it was not pleasant– but it was kind of hilarious.

Well, that’s all folks! What were your favorite and least favorite toys of 2014? Do you agree with my list? Have your own list? Let me know in the comments!

Review: LELO Mona Wave

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For many sex toy aficionados, the LELO Mona Wave was one of the most anticipated toys this year. Almost everyone I know loves the regular Mona vibrator, so a new Mona with added “come hither,” finger-like motion that comes in beautiful, midnight blue…it must be a miracle, right?

Not exactly. If I had to sum up Mona Wave in a word it would be: disappointing. I don’t hate it and have (somewhat) enjoyed using it, but it could use some major improvements.

In case you haven’t heard of the original Mona, it’s a sleek, silicone, rechargeable vibrator designed for g-spot stimulation. I actually prefer mine for clitoral stimulation, especially combined with dildos because it’s fairly strong, with a wide range of vibration and an easy to grip handle. It’s not the holy grail of g-spot toys for me, but it is for many others. It’s widely loved, so much so that people have made shrines to it, they have back up Monas, and most sex bloggers sing its praises.

The new Mona Wave looks very similar to original Mona. It features the same silky smooth silicone and overall design– the main difference is its control panel, which is made of silicone (instead of hard plastic), with built in, seamless buttons that don’t light up (as opposed to regular Mona’s, which do.) And obviously, it has motion. Here’s a quick overview of its functions:

1- Motion, with vibration

2- Slower motion, with waves of vibration (Useless)

3- Motion, with waves of vibration (My favorite)

4- Motion, quick pulsing vibration

5- Motion, erratic pulsing/waving vibration

6- Motion, no vibration

7- Steady vibration

8- Waves of vibration

9- Quick pulsing vibration

10- Erratic pulsing/waving vibration

pennysblog_monas2I am often in the mood for lazy orgasms (that’s why I still love my Hitachi), so I thought I’d love that the Mona Wave could move around inside of me by itself. It took me quite a bit of finagling it around to see what worked, but after a while, I found the way it works best for me–holding onto it firmly, pushing the handle down, so its arm moves up against my g-spot. Holding it any other way just doesn’t give my g-spot enough pressure or do much for me. Since I have to grip it firmly to take advantage of its motion, it’s somewhat awkward for me to hold. And I’ve tried thrusting with it, but the feeling of the motion is lost when I do, which kind of defeats the purpose of a moving vibrator.

At first, Mona Wave’s arm feels good–sort of like a finger. I start to get that need to squirt g-spot feeling with minimal effort…but then I want need more. If I was using a dildo, this is the time when I’d start thrusting harder and faster. If I was with a partner, they’d move faster, add another finger, something to up the intensity.

The problem with Mona Wave is that its movement is not adjustable, nor is its speed. It only moves 30 degrees. It will not go any faster. And when I get tired of the first mode (movement+vibration) and click through to the second function to try something else, it actually gets slower, which pisses me off every time. I do enjoy the third function’s waving vibration+movement, but the movement still isn’t what I’d like it to be. I can orgasm from it, but I rarely squirt. And when I do, it’s usually the Tiniest Squirt Ever. It just doesn’t have the intensity I need to leave my legs shaking and my Throe soaked.

The Mona Wave is touted as offering a come hither motion for “finger-like” g-spot stimulation. When I picture “finger-like motion,” I picture something curling up inside of me, tugging on my g-spot, stroking it, moving faster when needed. I don’t picture a finger that only moves 30 degrees and stays at the same damn speed the whole time. When I first got the Mona Wave, I sent a video of it to my best friend. “That’s it? That is so not a come hither motion” was her reaction. Yep–that pretty much sums it up.

When I use Mona Wave clitorally, all I can think is robot finger. Since I can hold Mona Wave and allow it to stroke my clit, it does feel similar to a finger touching me, which is pretty damn cool–a robot finger, granted, because the movement is metronomical, but still cool. Since its pace is predictable, it takes me a long time to come, but when I finally do after all of the build up, it feels pretty explosive. I still think it would benefit from more variance in speed and movement clitorally though, just as it would for g-spot stimulation.

There’s one major problem with the Mona Wave’s motion though, y’all, no matter how you’re using it: the weird noise. The original Mona isn’t exactly silent, but at least I can easily tune out its low hum of vibration. I cannot tune out Mona Wave’s annoying sound. It’s so obnoxious that Jake could hear it from the other room, where he was sawing wood. No joke. Not even wearing headphones and listening to porn will drown it out. It is incredibly distracting and the biggest deterrent to me wanting to use it.

Vibration wise, Mona Wave feels slightly less powerful at full power than regular Mona, which is also a shame. Otherwise, it’s similar, with the same moderately rumbly vibration at its lower settings and buzzier vibrations at its stronger levels. It also has less vibration functions, 4 vs Mona’s 10.

Using the Mona Wave’s control panel is a little different from Mona–instead of pressing the +/- buttons to start and adjust the vibration and then the ▲/▼ buttons to cycle through the functions, you simply click the middle of the panel, and it will turn on and begin at the last setting you used, which is pretty rad and also makes it easier to quickly turn off. It’s slightly harder to find the buttons during use, since they aren’t raised and don’t light up like regular Mona’s, but you could argue that it’s easier to clean since the buttons don’t have crevices.  Like Mona, you can adjust the vibration power during any function with the +/- buttons. You also have the option making its curve more prominent if you hit the ▲ button to stop it just right when switching from motion to its steady vibration mode.

As is standard of LELO toys, Mona Wave is waterproof/submergible, rechargeable (2 hours for full charge), and comes with a satin storage bag, a sample LELO lube packet, and a 1 year manufacturer’s warranty/10 year guarantee.

pennysblog_monas3I wish LELO had asked me to test out the Mona Wave before it was released, because I think it has the potential to be a fantastic vibrator with some improvements. Obviously, the sound needs to go, and I wish it could move faster and possibly more than 30 degrees. If it had a motion function that had a sort of unpredictable, erratic movement so you didn’t know what was coming (like a real finger)–that’d be even better.

As is though, I don’t recommend dropping $179 on it. Sure, it can make me come–but its sound is a constant annoyance, and I don’t want my orgasms mixed with frustration. If it was as strong as Mona and wasn’t so damn loud, I’d probably recommend getting it over regular Mona because why not have the option of masturbating with a robot finger? And hello, just look at the gorgeous blue one!1 And if it moved more and faster, maybe I could forgive its awful sound. But since it’s loud and doesn’t give me what I want, I’ll rarely use it. Unless LELO fixes some of the issues I’ve mentioned, I’m staying loyal to regular Mona.

I should disclaim here that I’m not a huge fan of regular Mona’s shape for g-spot stimulation, so there’s a chance you might love the Mona Wave’s motion even though I don’t. If you don’t need a lot of movement or speed for g-spot stimulation and think you can get over the noise, go for it. If the sound makes you so frustrated that you throw it against the wall though, I’ll have to say I told you so.

All of that said, I did have some epic double Mona orgasms (with Mona Wave pushing up on my g-spot and original Mona on my clit) that almost let me overlook its noise…but I shouldn’t need 2 versions of a toy to enjoy it properly. And come on, for $179 I expect a vibrator that doesn’t sound like a cheap POS. $179 buys a lot of pizza.

If you want it, get the Mona Wave directly from Lelo or from SheVibe, one of my fave retailers.

Thanks for sending me the Mona Wave in exchange for my honest review, LELO!


  1. I didn’t get my choice of color. 

Review: Tantus Slow Drive

pennysblog_slowdriveThe Tantus Slow Drive doesn’t look like much. With only 5 insertable inches & a 1.2″ max girth, it’s not lengthy or girthy. But the Slow Drive proves that you shouldn’t judge a dildo by its size–even though it’s smaller than most of my dildos, the Slow Drive’s perfect-for-g-spotting curve makes it stand out in a sea of sex toys.

Made of smooth, glossy, single density Tantus silicone, the Slow Drive is firm, but it still has some flex and give. It features a curved tip for g-spot or prostate stimulation, and it has a flared base, so it can be used in a harness.

Since it’s petite, the Slow Drive is effortless to insert for me. It is its own warm up. With a little bit of lube, its smooth silicone glides easily, and its “come hither” curve immediately gives me the I-need-to-squirt feeling. It feels intense, but since it’s so smooth and small, it’s not too intense. It’s definitely not as extreme as my other favorite g-spot dildos like the Pure Wand or Comet, but that’s ok–it’s just a different type of g-spot stimulation.

It may sound cliché, but the Slow Drive’s name was aptly chosen–it’s one of those toys that’s great for taking your time, warming up, and letting arousal build gradually. I usually start slow, using the curve to “tug” on my g-spot, and eventually move on to faster thrusting, which often ends up with squirting all over my Throe. On the flip side, I can also combine it with a clit vibe and have a blended orgasm fairly quickly if I’m in the mood.

I’ve also tried the Slow Drive anally since it’s manageable for my butt1, and I can get some subtle g-spot pressure from it that way. I tried it on Jake (by hand) as well–he’s still fairly new to prostate play, and when I asked him how it was after using it on him, he said it felt nice but not super intense. I haven’t tried it for pegging, but since it’s harness compatible it could be used that way, though I’d probably go with the Slow Drive Long for that, since it’s rather short.

My main complaint about the Slow Drive is that it’s not available in the gorgeous, glowing lime green anymore, though I’m thankful it still comes in the lovely, shimmery silver version I have. Its unique triangular base is also slightly less comfortable for me to hold than classic round bases, but it’s not a big deal. On the plus side, the unique base means you know which way it’s pointing, which is helpful if you’re using it on someone else. Also, the Slow Drive might be too short for some, so if you prefer more length to hold on to, check out the Slow Drive Long.

The Slow Drive is an amazing little g-spotter.  It’s now my go-to recommendation for an affordable first g-spot dildo, since it’s perfect for firm but not too extreme g-spot stimulation. Since it’s small, smooth, and doesn’t have a pronounced head, it’s perfect for beginners, those who don’t want a lot of girth, and people who have issues with other toys catching on their pubic bone. And even if you usually prefer girthier toys (like me), you’ll probably be pleasantly surprised by how amazing the Slow Drive’s simple yet effective design and magical curve feels.

Right now the Limited Edition Purple Haze Slow Drive is still available for only $25.50 with code PENNY at checkout! (While supplies last.)

Or, get the classic Slow Drive (in silver!) for $37.40 or the Slow Drive long for $43.35 with code PENNY, anytime!

Thanks, Tantus!


  1. and because I wanted to know what it feels like to be fucked in the ass by a pirate 

A New Mona?!

MONA-Wave

Today LELO released a new toy that everyone is talking about: the Mona Wave. Y’all already know that I (and practically everyone in the universe, it seems) love the Mona 2. The new Mona Wave features the same shape and basic design, but in addition to its amazing vibration, it provides a “come hither,” finger-like motion that is supposed to provide even better, stronger G-spot orgasms.

LELO also released the Ina Wave today, which features the same motion but with an attached clitoral portion, like the Ina 2.

Here is LELO’s description of the new Mona Wave:

THE FIRST G-SPOT MASSAGER THAT SURGES AND PLUNGES WITHIN YOU

Surrender to wave upon wave of intense sensations, with the world’s first G-Spot stimulator that truly massages you internally. With its voluptuous form and beckoning ‘come-hither’ finger-like motion, MONA Wave not only takes you to the limits of pleasure, but pushes you over the edge to a whole new world. All of this in a sleek, 100% silicone design that is both rechargeable and waterproof, with 10 vibration settings that will leave you gasping for more.

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Will the Mona Wave be even better than the original Mona? Maybe just different? Or will it be another gimmicky Smart Bead or Ida? My review will be up within the next week, so stay tuned to find out!