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Sex Blogger Life

I’ve wanted to update my Bio page for awhile now, and as I was working on it this week, I realized I didn’t have a photo that really captures me and my blog as well as I’d like. I have a lot of sensual nudes and artsy self portraits on here, which make me look rather serious at times, when in reality I am quite silly. I do love my Pure Wand Self Portrait, but I wanted one where you can see me better.

So I got the idea of taking some “Sex Blogger Life” images (inspired by Piph’s hashtag #sexbloggerlyfe.) I wanted them to be self portraits of course, and I wanted to be surrounded by sex toys.

Setting up the shots turned out to be challenging–juggling the difficult angle, getting all of the toys laid out, positioning myself amongst them, and paying attention to the usual photo stuff like focus, lighting, and posing was difficult. I wanted to hold my camera in some of the shots, but since I don’t have two cameras (yet), I used an extra lens instead.

I’m really happy with how these three came out…what do y’all think? Let me know which one(s) are your favorites, so I can decide which to feature on my Bio page!

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Sinful Sunday

Review: The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy

pennysblog_ultimateguidetosexualfantasyI started reading Violet Blue’s The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy while on a bus to Houston. A college aged guy sat next to me and asked what I was reading, and when I flipped the book to show him the cover, his tone went from conversational small talk to genuine interest.

“So what’s that about?” he asked.

We chatted about it for a bit, and at one point I gave him the book, which he flipped through, checking out the chapter and section titles like “Fantasies for One (Masturbation, Just Do It)” “Fantasies for Two,” and “Role Play,” and he even stopped and started reading at “Threesomes, Foursomes, and Moresomes.” After a few minutes he returned the book to me, but it had definitely piqued his interest, as I think it would most people!

The Ultimate Guide to Fantasy is quite a claim, so you’re probably wondering, does it live up to its title? And what exactly does this book cover?

Basically, the book discusses how make your sexual fantasies like exploring dirty talk, erotic dancing, group sex, public sex, fetishes, s/m scenarios, and more come true. The book is meant for anyone–it has an easy to read, conversational tone, and it isn’t specific to gender, sexual orientation, or experience level.

pennysblog_ultguidetofantasycontentsViolet Blue doesn’t just give you tips and ideas (although those are aplenty), she provides the practical advice you need, like how to bring it up with a partner, how to plan ahead for the fantasy, how to find props, and how to make sure everything goes as smoothly (or as roughly, depending on your fantasy!) as possible. And at the end of every chapter, there’s a hot story related to the section by well-known erotica writer Alison Tyler to fuel your imagination.

In addition to covering a huge range of fantasies, Violet also covers various options for making that fantasy happen depending on your comfort level. If you and your partner are interested in adding a third to your sex life, for example, Violet offers many different ideas for how to make that come true, from using sex toys & porn in the background to create a “pretend” threesome, to finding someone to actually join your for a hot encounter, to exploring strip clubs, phone sex, call girls, and sex parties.

The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy is lengthy sex book (at 256 pages), and although you may want to read it cover to cover like I did, I think many people would best enjoy it by exploring a chapter or two at a time, based on what peaks your interest. Some of my favorites chapters were “Threesomes, Foursomes, & Moresomes,” “Strip Clubs, Phone Sex, and Call Girls–for Two,” and “Public Sex.” With all of the taboo that surrounds sex work (and all of the interest for that matter) I’m glad that Violet included it. I’m also glad she included a vital chapter on safer sex practices with protection options and charts with the risks involved in various sex acts.

In certain parts of the book I could tell that it was an updated version of the last edition (2004), like in the DIY porn section (no one uses VHS video cameras anymore, do they?) and in the resources section (Forbidden Fruit only has 1 location now, not 3,) but it was only a few minor things.

After reading The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy, I’m confident that you’ll feel like the world is your sexual oyster, ripe and ready for you to devour it! I recommend it to anyone who wants to strengthen their sex life–Violet Blue makes learning about all of the possibilities for fantasy fueled sex accessible and exciting.

“Fantasies are your own private, personal sex toys. They send a direct current buzzing from your brain down to your groin. The right sexual fantasy, running in your head like your own private movie, can turn you on like a switch. When you know what works for you, your own vivid imagination can bring you to dizzying heights of arousal–and take you over the orgasmic edge.” — Violet Blue, The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy

 

 

Sexual Fantasy

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Pictured: Violet Blue’s The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy, Tantus Plunge & Ryder (in a unique Grab Bag color), Fun Factory B Balls, and the We Vibe Tango.

toywithmetuesday

Red, White, & Lube

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I shot this photo for the World Cup theme for this week’s Sinful Sunday.

I’m not a sports fan…but I still like to score! ;)

Sinful Sunday

Shame Hurts

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I’m generally pretty adept at not letting society’s women-shaming, body-shaming, sex-shaming attitudes bring me down. I surround myself with sex positive people, and since I work from home, I don’t encounter as many closed minded people as I used to. I hardly ever see my conservative family, so that’s not usually an issue. Shame still comes from at me in a general sense, but when it’s from ignorant people I don’t care about, it’s just an annoyance.

But when the shame comes from my Mom, it hurts.

I told my Mom about my blog early in its creation. It was probably a mistake, as I was merely stroking my ego (the blog helped me get a job, and that’s initially why I told her about it.) At first she was proud, and while the topic of sex toys isn’t her thing, she didn’t condemn it. We’d discuss it from a business standpoint from time to time, and she never seemed to have a problem with it.

That is, until I started posting nude photos. It started when she emailed me this photo of myself from my blog, along with a frantic “warning” that my images could be copied & posted on billboards and in ads. I saw this as a passive aggressive way of her bringing up my nude photography, said as much about it and that it hurt my feelings, and this was her reply:

Your posting of nude photos of yourself shows a lack of self respect, low self esteem and is really a selfish act , which could embarrass you and your family should these photos be copied and posted in the newspaper, books etc……. And you think I should be concerned about hurting your feelings? This selfish act of YOURS has truly hurt my feelings tremendously….do you really feel like this is what you have to do to get an online following? Isn’t your writing talent enough? Isn’t your photography creative enough without posting nudity?Can’t you sell something besides very initimate pictures of your body? I think you have many other talents, which should be used to get work, not your body.

First of all, I am aware that my posting nude images on the Internet results in a lack of control over the images (though they are copyrighted, and I post them at low resolution, so they can’t be easily posted to billboards, etc. Plus it’s illegal to post nudes without model releases & proof of legal age.)

The real issue here though, is that my Mom sees nudity as shameful. She was fine with me talking about using sex toys on the Internet, but as soon as I posted photos of the body I was born with, I have a “lack of self-respect” and “low self-esteem.”

On the contrary, I post nude photos of myself because I am PROUD of my body and my sexuality, and I no longer feel the need to hide it.  Why do people assume that if a woman does nude modeling, exotic dancing, or sex work, that she lacks self-respect?  Why is showing a woman’s body considered so horrible? In my case, I post nude photography for artistic self-expression, and I don’t currently do it to gain followers or to make money, but what if I did? Why would that be so wrong?  What if I didn’t enjoy nude modeling, and just did it for a paycheck? How is that different from someone working a grilling 9 to 5 they don’t enjoy just to pay the bills?

It’s not. Work related to sex is still just work, it’s just stigmatized because it’s related to sex. There is nothing wrong with choosing to work at a strip club instead of choosing to work a desk job. It’ naive to assume that someone doesn’t like their job just because you don’t like it or wouldn’t like it, and it’s also naive to assume that everyone needs to love their job. Sure, it’s great to do things that fulfill you in life, but if you wouldn’t judge someone for cleaning toilets even if they don’t like it because they need to feed their kids, then why would you judge that same person for being a nude model or a sex worker?

I don’t think sharing any degree of nudity or pornographic imagery is shameful, but the particular photo my Mom was so offended by isn’t even super explicit or pornographic. It shows my breasts. It shows my NIPPLES, heaven forbid. I am deeply offended by the fact that women are expected to hide their breasts, while no one thinks twice when they see a topless man. Contrary to sexist belief, breasts do not exist to sexually temp and titillate men. Yes, the photo I posted was meant to be sexy, but that doesn’t matter. Any photos of women’s nipples are regarded as explicit, even women breastfeeding, regardless of intent, and that is not only unfair, it’s infuriating.

I’ve already written about how I don’t see being open about my body and being a talented, intelligent writer as mutually exclusive. I understand that it would be “safer” for me to not post my nude photography and only focus on my writing, but I enjoy nude photography. And honestly, things will never change if we all play it safe. I respect and admire women like Molly who share intelligent writing as well as erotic imagery because it’s a bold act, women daring to be both smart and openly sexual. I am proud to be one of those women. It comes with consequences, but so would hiding the work I’m proud of. So would going to sleep knowing that I let people with narrow minded views of the world control my life.

I didn’t expect my Mom to jump for joy at my posting nude photography. I don’t think most people want to think about their parents or children’s sex lives. But my posting nude photography does not mean I have a lack of self-respect or low self-esteem. And I think it’s (almost) funny that she considers my naked body as more offensive than me describing my sex life in detail. My body certainly isn’t shameful, and neither is my sex life.

Shaming people for their bodies and sexuality is hurtful. Shaming people because they make different life choices than you is also hurtful. Thankfully my Mom and I have been able to agree to disagree on the subject for the most part (we don’t talk about it anymore), and we still have a semi-decent relationship, but she will always consider what I do less valuable than other work (if not downright shameful and embarrassing.) And that’s part of why I care so much about being open about sex and nudity. With all of the negativity and shame that surrounds sex and nudity in our culture, we are in desperate need of strong, positive voices that declare:

Naked bodies are not shameful.

Sex is not shameful.

Sex is natural.

Bodies are beautiful.

wickedwed

*I wrote this piece in response to the Wicked Wednesday prompt “Shaming…or being shamed.”

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