Sex Blogger Life: Real Talk

In the blogging/social media age, it’s hard not to look at other people’s lives and compare them to yours. I try not to, but I do it. I think things like, I wish I made more money like —, I wish I was as popular as — blogger, I wish I was as pretty as —, as confident as —, as successful as —. But we all censor our lives for the Internet. We choose what we want to share. Everything looks better through an Instagram filter or sounds better when you’ve carefully thought out your words.

From the outside, my life as a sex blogger probably seems pretty glamorous. I’m a nympho, right? I’m sexy and confident, right? My partner and I fuck like bunnies, right? I’m rolling around in free sex toys, right? I get paid to masturbate, right?

Not exactly. Not at all, really. I think it’s time to let you in on some of my truths:

1. I’m not a nympho.

I like sex. I love sex toys. I believe in the power of self pleasure. I am open about my sexuality. But I am not an insatiable sex machine. Just because I write about sex, that doesn’t mean I’m always horny or that I always feel sexy.  I’m a “normal” person. I get sick. I get moody. I bleed. I cramp. Sometimes I feel really down. Sometimes I get yeast infections. Sometimes I just don’t feel like sticking anything in my butt. Or my vagina. Sometimes I forget to take care of myself. Sometimes my partner and I don’t have sex for a week. Or two. We’ve been together for 6 years. We still have to work at it.

2. I don’t always feel confident and sexy.

I’m proud of myself and my body. I’ve told body shame to go fuck itself. I love my boobs. I love my curves. I try to work out occasionally for health and sanity’s sake, but I’ve given up on looking “perfect.” But that doesn’t mean I don’t have those days when I feel ugly. When I breakout from stress. When my curves seem less curvy and more…blah. When I don’t feel pretty enough. When I don’t want to wear makeup, but I feel gross without it. When I start making a mental list of everything that I could do to look better. When I feel like I should stop eating pizza or hell maybe grains altogether (before I quickly come to my senses…pizza.)

3. I self edit. A lot.

I don’t change my body shape with Photoshop or anything drastic, but I reserve the right to remove zits or pick only the photos I feel sexiest in. My photography is one way I celebrate and take control of my body, and I get to choose which photos I share. So although I do post artistic photos and some photos without make up…you don’t really see me at my worst. I don’t wake up with wing tip eyeliner.I don’t always stand in an S shape. I edited out the rash I got on my ass when I was rolling around in the grass shooting nudes. It happens. Photography is an art form, and for the most part, I work really hard on every single photo.

4. I don’t get paid to masturbate. 

I don’t get paid to use toys or write reviews. I make some money through affiliate programs associated with my reviews, but it’s not a lot, and it’s not guaranteed.  I would not be able to live the way I do and focus on my blog if it weren’t for the support of my amazing partner. It’s a labor of love. But it is labor. I have plans to improve my blog business/income wise, and I have faith in myself…but it’s not easy.

5. The toys I get aren’t free

I am grateful to have a nice collection of toys, and companies do send them to me for “free,” but they aren’t actually free. I have to use them. Usually that’s awesome and obviously the point…but I have to use them even if they don’t seem like they’ll ever fit into my butt, even if they feel like they’re poking my insides, even if they make me shit. I also have to review them, and it takes a lot of work. See #6.

6. Sex blogging is hard work

I don’t just masturbate all the time and write about it. I don’t just snap quick nude selfies. I take copious notes after masturbating. I am constantly on social media. I write. I write. I rewrite. I rewrite. I edit. I edit again. I photograph toys. I photograph myself. I think really hard about where to position my camera, and what lighting to use, and how to pose. I spend hours editing cat hair and dust off of silicone dildos. I do my best to coordinate Twitter, Tumblr, Instagram, Pinterest, Facebook, etc. I fix broken links. I answer emails. Long story short: I work hard on every post, and I spend even more time promoting my work and doing behind the scenes stuff.

7. It’s not just a hobby

I’ve been at this for 3 years now. This isn’t just some hobby to me, at least not anymore. I invest a lot of my time and effort into my blog. This is my main focus in life.

8. It still isn’t socially acceptable

When it’s all done, and my review/photograph/etc. is finally posted, I don’t get that many comments, especially compared to other types of blogging and how many views I get. A lot of people don’t want their names associated with a sex blog. I can’t bring what I do up with family or around certain people. A lot of people still don’t take me seriously.

9. The world is mostly sex negative

Most of the people I meet think it’s awesome that I write about sex, because I tend to hang out in circles where it’s acceptable or encouraged. All of my friends are supportive, thank gob. I’ve met some truly amazing friends and bloggers at conventions and sex shops. I appreciate every comment, every message, every encouraging word. But I still exist in a mostly sex negative world. And my Mom will never stop trying to shame me for what I do. Thankfully she doesn’t bring it up explicitly anymore, but she still sneaks in comments. She doesn’t support my “lifestyle.” I try not to dwell on it, but it still hurts. It’s frustrating.

10. I have doubts

I love what I do, and I think I’ve made a difference in a lot of people’s lives and hope to continue to do so. Most of the time I know in my heart that I’m doing the right thing. But I have my doubts. I worry about if I’ve made the right choice deciding to stand up for sexual freedom, equality, and positivity. Creepy messages don’t help. But my nudes are out there. My face is out there. There’s no turning back.

I still love it (most of the time)

Before you start thinking I’m super frustrated with sex blogging or that I hate my life, let me assure you that’s not the case. I love sex blogging–it’s changed my life. Sex blogging has helped me get over body shame and sex negtivity, and I know it’s helped others too. Sex toys keep me happy, healthy, and sane. I still get excited every time something new comes in the mail. I have epic masturbation sessions and mind blowing orgasms. I love writing and photography, and this is my niche.

And the fact that it’s not socially acceptable or easy makes it that much more important to me. If everyone already had a positive outlook towards sex and knew all about sex toys, I might consider doing something else with my life. But sexual pleasure and body positivity are so important and undervalued, and I want to change that.

But I also wanted to be honest with you. And myself. I admit that sometimes I have to remind myself that I’m allowed to masturbate with only the toys I actually want to use. That  my sex drive isn’t always through the roof. That sometimes all I want to do is use my Hitachi over my gym shorts. That I don’t have to try to be a sex goddess, I can just be me. That I can write about things besides sex. That Jake and I have to work at our relationship just like any couple. That sometimes, hell often… I’m afraid of trying new things. Of pushing past my comfort zone. Of failing. And sometimes I just don’t feel sexy, or sexual.

And that’s ok.

 

90 thoughts on “Sex Blogger Life: Real Talk”

  1. Karen Blue

    Penny, your site is so awesome. I admit that I have stalked you here more than I have commented. I feel your pain. As a former (mostly) sex blogger I know it is tough. You, you put your whole self out there. I fucking love your site. Your hard word and perfectionism shows in your blog, your pics, your reviews, and your writing.

    1. Penny Post Author

      Thanks Karen, that means so much to me! I really appreciate your comment, and all that you do through HedoVibes as well. I never would have made it this far without all of the awesome people in the sex positive community.

  2. Emma

    First, I imagined you rolling around in dildos and that was an awesome mental image. But thank you for sharing this- it’s something that needs to be said, it’s not just a hobby, for many people it is their livelihood and I know I’m not the only one who spends more time on my blog than on my part time job and full time college courses combined. Thank you for being poignant and honest, you painted a great picture of what life as a sex blogger actually is- or rather, isn’t- like.

    1. Penny Post Author

      I mean I actually have rolled around in dildos technically when I was doing those sex blogger life photos haha.

      Thanks for your support and encouragement! You’re right, to a lot of us this is our livelihood, and I admire how hard you work too!

      xxPenny

  3. Intimacy 101

    well, to do blogging for 3 years for non-commercial reasons is commendable

    blogging is very real hard work to me, very labor intensive

    indeed I agree with you the world is quite sex negative, there’re lots of phonies or hypocrites out there who like to pass judgments hiding behind their false names

    I did some sexual content but I think that is not porn,but this world always like to lump everything together

    I have problems too, being turn down by few companies after they look at my blog which is not just about sex, but actually more than just sex.

    Anyway, why should sex be a taboo? Sex is no big deal, just one of the normal human activities, just a way for human to further their species.

    Each and everyone of us is the result or output of sex. If sex is so dirty or immoral, then we’re all filthy and evil creatures, which makes me feel that this world is so hypocrite!

    1. Penny Post Author

      Thanks for your comment! Yes, it is indeed hard work, isn’t it? And I agree, sex is natural and should definitely not be seen as a taboo topic!
      xxPenny

  4. Scarlet

    Yes, this all of this. I have been dealing with half of these things for a while now. Especially since I have tried to get back into dating and have chosen to be up front about what I do. Which gets me some of the most amusing messages in my profiles in box.

  5. Mariasibylla

    Thanks for this Penny. you are an artist. The time and dedication you put into your work is evident. Your personality shines through, whether you’re writing a toy review, sharing a photo, a tweet, or something more personal like this. It’s clear that you take the time to make each endeavor just right. I have so much admiration for you and the other bloggers out there who do this full time. You DO make a difference in your readers’ and followers’ lives. So thanks for being you and sharing yourself with us.

    1. Penny Post Author

      Thank you Maria–your support means so much, seriously! I’m so glad my blog has made a difference for you and others! I love your Sinful Sunday photos, and I’m glad to have such a supportive community! 🙂
      xxPenny

  6. Beck

    I seen this pop up in my inbox and jumped on the PC to read it. I could have written this post myself, though my toy would have to be Salsa over Hitachi. I love your site. I think your photography is fantastic. I enjoy your writing, though, I know I don’t comment as I should. I think you are an awesome person. I like that you are open and honest. It’s refreshing. Your work inspires me as well as others. 🙂

    1. Penny Post Author

      Thanks so much for your thoughts Beck, I had a feeling you’d identify with it! I think our blogs are similar in feel since we both do a mix of reviews/nude photography/writing etc. I enjoy your work too–I’m glad we’re in this together! 😀
      xxPenny

  7. CrazySexyChica

    I love this post and you are certainly not alone in thinking/feeling all of these things! When people find out about my “side projects” they assume it’s all a lot of fun, and it can be… but it’s not always.

    Keep up the amazing work, and thank you for sharing! 🙂

  8. Fred

    Thank you for sharing honestly. And thank you for the work you do in promoting sexual positivity. We’re all sexual creatures, since the beginning of time, and we’ll always be that. Obviously, I can’t completely relate to your experience, but as someone who lives a full-time nudist life, I’ve had my share of negativity from those who don’t get it. I just want to encourage you to continue what you do and tell you that I appreciate your efforts.

    1. Penny Post Author

      Thank you! I can imagine you’ve had to deal with your share of negativity as well. I really appreciate your support!
      xxPenny

  9. Holly

    This post is just totally spot in with how a lot is feel about sex blogging I think. Like you it’s brought me out of body shaming myself, I don’t post photos I’m not happy with in very selective in deed. Nobody knows a part from one friend and we don’t talk about it, she is supportive but not actively so. I use blog as a so called mummy blogger else where and I do my sex blog under a totally made up name (real to me as it’s used as part of by sex life with husband but of course it is not my real name and I do hate that I feel I have to be slightly anon because of my other blog which I love and because of family friends and others, I suppose I don’t help with the sex negitivety by making myself anon like this because I guess it’s not really me doing it because I want to I’m anon because of how others would react) wow a load of waffle! Anyway brilliant post I agree with every thing you’ve said xx

    1. Penny Post Author

      Thanks for your thoughtful input Holly! It’s completely understandable to be an anon blogger, and I think it’s a personal choice that depends on many factors…and you have to do what works for you! I’m so glad to have you in the sex positive community!
      xxPenny

  10. Lunabelle

    You had me at “I edited out the rash I got on my ass”. This job is not all glamour and shiny dildos, sometimes it’s pokey toys and ass rashes and picking YET ANOTHER HAIR off of silicone to get the perfect shot. I’m not a full-time blogger, so I have huge amount of respect (and some envy) for those who invest that kind of time and energy in their work. Thanks for this post…it was enlightening, funny and a much needed dose of reality.

    1. Penny Post Author

      Thanks for commenting Lunabelle! I know tons of people put their all into their blogs, (whether it’s “full time” or not) a lot of us take it really seriously!

      PS- I am in SERIOUS awe of your collection! 😀
      xxPenny

  11. cc

    wow. just wow. an absolutely amazing post. nothing but pure admiration for all bloggers prior to this anyway. but the open heart felt honesty shows through in this by the bucket load. stunning woman, stunning couple, stunning blog.

  12. Pete James

    So honest! Thanks for sharing, I felt very reassured with myself after reading, especially the last paragraph “…I can just be me” Keep up the great work, more people notice your hard work than you think 🙂

  13. hubman

    From my past blogging experience, your real life isn’t all that different from mine (or anyone else for that matter).

    But hey, thanks anyway for ruining my image of you :-p

  14. Cammies on the Floor

    I need to get a photo editing program. The only editing I do is change the pictures to black and white. I have no program-and I need to so I can edit the zits or the rashes or the bruises that prevent an otherwise gorgeous photo from being published.

    While my sister gets to scamper and come back to the blog whenever she feels like it, I do all the hard work and the behind the scenes. We originally intended the split the burden of this, but she doesn’t care to, and I care far too much. (Not bashing my sis, I knew this would probably happen and am grateful whenever she does contribute.) It’s a full time job. I don’t think people realize how much goes into everything.

    I am, however, a nympho. Lucky me, the more stressed I feel, the more I want it as well. So there’s no day where I don’t want sex. But that doesn’t mean I always feel sexy, or have the best sex ever every single time.

    So glad to have met you. My respect for you and what you do has always been so high.Your blog is amazing, and your photos are stunning. Keep up the demanding and hard work – you are helping someone(s) somewhere accept sexuality in a more positive way all the time.
    -M

    1. Penny Post Author

      I use Lightroom usually and highly recommend it, but I’ve heard Gimp is good for a free program and can do a lot of what Photoshop can.

      Yes it is–and it is definitely hard work!

      That’s awesome that you always have a high sex drive, even when you’re stressed. Sometimes I wish it was like that for me, but it’s not. I think my birth control probably factors in to that as well…

      I’m so glad to have met you too M! I admire your blog and all of your hard work as well. Thanks for the encouragement and support! I hope we can meet again at some point…

      xxPenny

  15. jjrigs

    You are awesome and a heroine to me! Writing consistently is difficult, if not impossible, especially when not getting paid for the full time work it is! But I hope your efforts pay off. Your writing is honest, refreshing and damn sexy. Keep it up and thank you!

  16. Heaven

    Thank you for posting this, when I tell people what I do with camming and reviewing sex toys, they think the same thing it is easy to do. No it is not easy at all to do any of them. You can’t just get on and start making money by camming you have to build a fan base. As far as making anything as a affiliate I just made something from two of my sponsors and it is not much. As some bloggers have said it takes years before you start seeing anything. Plus I am no nympho either sometimes it is draining reviewing and trying to get them out in a timely manner. Especially now with all that I have going on I have lost my way for a bit. You should always just be you, that is my motto and I stick with it. You have made my day with this post.

    1. Penny Post Author

      Thanks for adding your thoughts Heaven. Have you written a post about what camming is like? (If you have and I missed it I apologize in advance.) I’d love to read more about your experiences with it. I am glad you liked my post and thanks so much for your support–I always appreciate your comments!
      xxPenny

  17. Anonymous

    Your site is great!
    It is the best site about sexuality.
    I understand fully ur text.
    U r not only just an obsessed woman with sex.
    Keep going ,we need this place on the net.You give pleasure and information to many people.

  18. Shanda

    Hi penny I’m new to your blog. Actually this is the first post of yours I’ve read (I can’t wait to explore and read more) This post hit home with me because I will be starting a blog soon mainly sex and admit the concerns you voiced I’ve been having myself. I’m glad to see they are “normal” concerns and can be over come. Thanks for being my first blogger inspiration and hopefully friend.

    1. Penny Post Author

      Hi Shanda! I’m glad you found my blog and that it resonated with you! I think blogging about sex is definitely worthwhile even though it can be difficult at times. I look forward to checking out your blog! Let me know when you get it set up or if you need anything; you can email me: pennyforyourdirtythoughts@gmail.com or hit me up on Twitter (@pennysblog.) Also, this post has some really good advice about blog stuff if you’re interested: http://reviews.hedovibes.com/bloggers-please/
      🙂
      xxPenny

  19. Molly

    I can identify with so much of what you have written here. I LOVE being a sex blogger but it does mean people often make big assumptions about me and about what it is like to be a blogger, mainly that ‘I am just playing around on the internet all day’ and it is not a proper job etc… Grrrr

    As for the rash on your bum, that made me laugh as I recently edited a whole series of pictures I had taken in some long grass and edited out the massive bite on my bum.

    Mollyxxx

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  21. John

    I try not to edit too much, save for some artistic changes and colour balances.

    I love this post; it’s the ultimate cold water throw over smarmy little shits. When I say to people in the office, I don’t have time to watch television or play gmaes, they don’t believe me! 😉

  22. Cara Sutra

    Thank you SO much for writing this post, I love it! This is pretty much exactly how I feel too.
    “You’re so LUCKY getting free sex toys”
    “You get to wank for a job how amazing”
    “I bet you never have to get out of bed”
    “It’s ok for some, just writing about sex all day”
    “How hard can it be??”
    Just some of the comments I get on an almost daily basis now…

    And YES to not waking up looking like a model, to using filters and editing photos to control and look our best, and to having to work on your sex life and libido, and mood and body changes and just being REAL.

    Cara
    x

    1. Penny Post Author

      Thanks Cara! I can only imagine how many of these comments you must get especially after that feature on you came out. You work so hard, and you and your blog are amazing!
      xxPenny

  23. Bobbie Morgan

    I’ve never gotten any of those questions. I keep my blog very under the radar in my personal life. My family is very socially conservative/repressed. My ex’s wife told anyone who would listen to her, including my kids, that I’m a slut and a whore. (We all know she’s crazy; we just don’t want the drama.) There are some rather “well-respected” people in the community for whom I do business. Parrot prefers to stay anonymous, too.

    My mother knows I do some content writing for some adult novelty companies. She’s not convinced that the stuff I write about and the businesses I write for are legal. She’s worried they’ll shaft me. (They pay a lot more promptly than my “legitimate” business clients and are lovely to work with.) My oldest son and daughter-in-law know, too. My son is somewhat amused by some of the girl talk we have. None of them know I have a blog. I don’t want them to know.

    Very few friends of mine know about my blog. Only one them takes a genuine interest because he writes erotica. It’s hilarious when he introduces me to friends and brings up that I’m a sex blogger. They all turn away like they didn’t hear him and change the conversation quickly.

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  26. @CavaSupernova

    “4. I don’t get paid to masturbate.”

    Good god, wouldn’t it be great if we did though – we’d all be millionaires 😉
    Really interesting read, this.
    I blogged recently about the insulting assumptions people make about slutty ladies. [ Everything You ‘Know’ About Slutty Women is Wrong: http://wp.me/p4gIAl-r2 ]
    There are plenty of antagonistic folk who open their mouths without engaging their brains aren’t there? 🙁

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  42. Vivian

    Those last three points really rang true for me. I especially loved this line:

    “I worry about if I’ve made the right choice deciding to stand up for sexual freedom, equality, and positivity. Creepy messages don’t help. But my nudes are out there. My face is out there. There’s no turning back.”

    I made the steps to taking this thing seriously, and I’m so worried that it’s not going to work out. That my voice isn’t unique enough. That I don’t have enough interesting things to say. That I can’t change this world.

    But I’ve made the choice. I couldn’t wait :/ and my face is not out there yet, but I’m sure it will be soon. My body is already out there. I can’t go back now. (And, honestly, I don’t want to.)

    Thanks so much for this. Nice to know I’m not alone in these feelings 🙂

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  49. Dan

    Posts like this will never get old. I used to be a preacher in the old days 30+ years ago; and I still love church history. It is remarkable to me still how many Saints and heroes in history were vilified while living but champions after they were gone. My latest is Abelard of Abelard and Heloise fame. An influential churchman and theologian, he was castrated by her family for his love of Heloise. While he slept no less. Because he was out and spiritual AND physical. They didn’t just love, those two. They fucked.

    So, this is why we love you Penny! Jake, too. Don’t stop shooting and writing.

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  53. Scarlett Dubois

    This entry right here is perfection. You have unanimously spoken for all of us sex bloggers out there. And until I read it here, I hadn’t realized how much my blog has helped with my own body positivity. Great post, Penny. xxx

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