Tag Archives: fantasies

Dark Thoughts

Warning: This post includes a gang bang scenario. 

It’s as if they’re hiding somewhere inside of my head. They only come alive when my eyes shut. I know they’re coming, and I try to think of something more…normal.

But sometimes I can’t stop them.

***

Shut up and open your mouth like a good little slut. Spread your legs. Wider.

If you struggle, it’ll only be worse.

You know you want it anyway. You know you want to suck cock until you gag, until your eyes water. That’s it, take it in deeper. All the way, you can do it.

That’s a good little slut, nice and messy. Drool is a good look for you. Do you like that, slut?

You need more, don’t you? Your legs are shaking, do you think you’re done? You aren’t even full yet, slut.

Which hole should we use next? Her cunt is already wet from the taste of cock. Don’t worry, you’ll get what you deserve, slut.

Pinch her nipples, grab those perfect little breasts.

You’re confused aren’t you slut? You don’t know how many of us there are?

I heard you whimper when he grazed your clit. That was an accident slut, you don’t get any of that yet.  You don’t get to come until we’re all done with you. And only if you’re a good little slut.

Look how easily my cock slides into that wet little pussy. Keep sucking. You like that don’t you, fingers in your ass?

Let’s switch places. No, I want her cunt now. Fine, I want her mouth. Who wants her ass?

She’s such a greedy little slut, she needs more. Get the lube. Stuff her.

Slap her face. Harder.

Don’t forget about her tits. Harder.

Do you like that, slut? No answer? Got your mouth full, slut?

I bet your clit wants some attention. Give it to her. Don’t be gentle. Slap it. Choke her. She likes it.

Looks at this wet mess you’ve made slut. I can feel your cunt twitching slut, did we say you could come? Did we say we’re done yet?

You’ll pay for this slut. We can go for hours. You’ll break a new record.

Once we fill you with our come, we won’t need that lube anymore will we slut? Don’t worry though, we won’t stop. There’s a whole room full of us.

Don’t worry, there’s enough of you to go around. Every time you come, we’ll fuck you harder.

You can’t help it, can you slut? We know what you need.

You want more cock, don’t you slut?

Don’t worry, you’ll get what you want.

***

This post was inspired by the Wicked Wednesday prompt ‘Dark Thoughts.”

wickedwed

His for the Night

It was my first time.
I knew he could tell;
His blue eyes reflected
My nervousness, and
His excitement.

“Take off your panties,” he said,
“Leave your heels on.”
I tried my best to look calm
As I slid them off, slowly.
His look was like a touch,

Moving from my feet to my legs,
Pausing at my cunt, then up
To my stomach,
My breasts,
My neck, lingering
On my face.

My skin tingled.
By the time he kissed me,
I was already wet.

He didn’t have to say the words,
I could feel them.
His rough hands pulled me in.

“You’re mine,” they said.

His for the NightPhoto of Jake and I by Steve DeMent Photography

*This image was published in  Fetfan Magazine Issue 04 (p.28)

Sinful Sunday

Playing With Adam

Jake looks delicious lying on the bed in his blue boxer briefs, his curly hair still damp from a shower.

“Want a bj?” I ask, sitting down next to him.

He looks up, smiling, “No, I hate those.”

“Oh really?” I say, gently feeling his form over fabric.

Soon he has my tank off and one breast in his mouth and the other in his hand, pinching gently.

“Last night I had a sex dream and an orgasm in my sleep,” I say as my nipples stiffen. “I was tied up and taken advantage of, and I loved it.”

My left breast is warm beneath his lips, and my right tingling in the cool air after a lick.

“At one point I remember having your cock in my mouth while being fucked by another man.”

“That’s hot,” he says, reaching beneath my panties, tracing my lips.

“Let’s play with Adam,” I say.

A little while later, I’m lying on my back, and Jake is kneeling above me, hovering and ready.

“I want your cock in my mouth,” I say. I feel Adam’s tip teasing my vulva, without entering yet.

I open, Jake thrusts, and I moan around him as my throat is filled with his hardness and at the same time my cunt with Adam’s. I take him in all the way, and suck and suck and forget to breathe until he pulls out, gasping as he rubs himself on my face. Adam moves faster now, and every push feels intensified by the pressure of his girth on my g-spot.

“I’m a good little slut, aren’t I?” I ask as I gasp for air and think about how I must remember to breathe next time.

“Yes, you are.”

He moves Adam away from me, freeing my hands.

“Put your hands on my cock,” he says. Now Adam’s pace matches Jake’s, fast thrusts that seem to echo inside of me. My bush is sticky with a mixture of juices and lube, and Jake grabs it, pulling it roughly, how I like it.

My body skips back and forth between my twitching, full cunt, and my wide, full mouth, both dripping.

Jake pulls out again, and shoves my head lower. He’s still wet with my spit, and I stroke him while I lick and suck his balls. He touches my clit for the first time, and my head swirls, my muscles tightening and aching for release.

I moan, moving even lower to his ass, until all I can see and smell is his flesh. I attack it, firing my tongue in rapid circles.

“Oh fuck that feels good,” he says, groaning.

I moan back in answer from below him, and somehow I’m able to keep licking and stroking as I come hard, clenching around Adam as my hips grind up against Jake’s fingers. My pleasure fuels Jake’s, and he joins me in orgasm, his thighs tightening as he squirts onto my neck, my chin, and a few tasty drops on my lips.

Afterwards Jake and I clean up a bit and head to the kitchen to make dinner.

Having served his purpose, Adam gets a quick shower and returns to his drawer, until next time.

Things I Masturbate To

This poem was inspired by Harmony Eichsteadt’s poem “Things I Have Masturbated To” from the Bedpost Confessions Postcast 9, as well as Harper Elliot, a sex writer who wrote a similar poem. Here is my version.

Things I Masturbate To

Of course there’s the obvious.

My boyfriend’s long curly hair tickling

my thighs as his mouth worships my every

fold, and his thick fingers pulling me to life

from inside out, and then his hard, tall

cock filling me up until I’m overflowing,

until I’m empty of all the come

and sweat and breath I possess.

 

And there are others, those who don’t

realize they exist naked in my head, like

the girl at the dentist’s who cleaned my teeth,

her thick lips hovering above mine like a spaceship,

ready to suck me up, or my friend’s shy roommate,

an old co-worker, a vanilla girlfriend, my Spanish professor,

and the guy who works at 7-Eleven.

 

Often, it’s more abstract, a group of people

whose faces I can’t see, a thousand hands on

my every exposed inch, a crowd cheering,

another couple watching, or even just a hot

mouth stuck on me, requiring only

my come to survive.

 

Sometimes it’s light hearted, wandering

fingers while the TV laughs with me, or my

cat eyeing me curiously on the couch, as I pant

and heave and moan my way

across the finish line.

 

Fiction occasionally joins me as well,

my favorite characters coming to life, dicks

and limbs rising like the dead from my

twisted head, sometimes cold fingers

and fangs or a vicious killer at my neck, my current

favorites are Tate and Dexter, even better

fucking me together.

 

And then there are the stranger ones, alien

tentacles probing and sucking, beastly

creatures with multiple members, headless

figures, and cold lifeless bodies, the burning

grip of the devil incarnate, and ghosts or

demons, but usually not zombies.

 

The hardest to admit, are the ones who could care

less about my consent, dark shadowy figures that

push me down and tie me up. They strike

me and shame me, but I always enjoy it.

These have been with me as long as I can remember,

even as a young girl, pretending to be kidnapped, arms

pulled back at mattress edges, eyes wide and lips

pressed, warmth growing between my little

legs as I am alone with the part of me

that always hides.

 

And sometimes, as someone who reviews

sex toys, it’s just something on my To-do list.

I’m a pioneer for research, thinking rather

un-sexy, almost clinical things like,

how sticky is this lube, and what is that light taste,

citrus? Or I really wish this had a longer

handle, or a wider girth or more texture, or

ow! oh god this thing is murdering my clit,

or I’m fucking glad this toy is waterproof

because I’m about to squirt

all over it.

 

Other times, it’s not really sexual at all, I’m

a blank sheet of paper, my mind

folds into itself, there are no thoughts and no

fantasies, no expectations or how do I look in this position,

or requirements or to-do lists or cleaning

the kitty litter or work or stress, only

 

the steady whiz of my Hitachi, or the quiet

circling of my fingers, only my breath whispering

to itself, my lips and clit blossoming, and the

quickening pace of my blood is enough,

the soft, warm, blanketing feeling,

the simple comfort of balance and equilibrium,

and remembering that my body is not a

separate entity, of holding on and then

most importantly,

of learning to let go again.

 

TMI Tuesday: Fantasy Anyone?

Spoiler Alert: If you watch American Horror Story or Dexter and haven’t seen episodes from the latest seasons, you may want to skip this post or at least question #3.

1. Do you think that acting out a fantasy can sometimes cause damage to a relationship?

I’m sure it could, if someone involved isn’t comfortable with the fantasy or how it’s played out, but I think that can be avoided with open and honest communication before, during, and after acting out the fantasy. For me, fantasies are a fun and important way to keep things sexy and exciting.

2. Some couples role play their fantasies rather than introducing another person into the relationship to live out their fantasies. Do you think that this is an acceptable substitute?

Sure, why not? It all depends on how the people involved feel about it. I can see why some people would rather stick to role play and why others would rather have the real thing, and personally I’m open to both.

3. Is there a particular movie or TV series or character from a movie or TV series that you fantasize about?

Lately I’ve been fantasizing a lot about dark characters, specifically Kit/Tate from American Horror Story and Dexter Morgan. The Kit and Grace sex scene in Asylum drove me absolutely crazy.  I love the idea of lusting after someone dark, and the danger involved in not knowing if they are a brutal killer or not. I also love scenes in movies/TV shows when the lovers accept each other no matter what their partner has done, and when Grace says, “I don’t care what you are,” right before they fuck…so hot! In Dexter’s case, when Hannah has sex with him right after he was going to kill her? Again, fucking hot! Tate’s character and appeal is more complicated, but I think it boils down to the fact that I think the idea of someone who is so evil yet still capable of love is a turn on as well. Oh yea, and Evan Peters completely covered in latex? That may have something to do with it…

4. Apart from the obvious things like child abuse, are there some things that are ‘off limits’ for a fantasy e.g. incest fantasies, age play, rape fantasies. Why/ why not?

No, not really. I think it’s fine to fantasize about whatever you want, especially because you can’t really control your thoughts/fantasies. You can control actions though, and I certainly have limits as far as what I’ll actually do.

5. What is the most taboo thing you have ever fantasized about doing?

Rape fantasies are probably some of the most taboo ones that I have. Also, fucking serial killers/dangerous men/dead people(as in ghosts, not corpses)/aliens/ beasts/the “devil,” to name a few…

6. Tell us about a fantasy that you have that you don’t ever see yourself actually acting out. Why do you think you will never act it out?

I can’t think of a fantasy I have that I wouldn’t even think of acting out at the moment.

7. Have you ever pretended the person you were having sex with was someone else without telling them?

Not that I can recall.

8. Have you ever tried to make a fantasy a reality only to have it fail miserably? What happened?

I’ve had some situations when I’ve tried to act out a fantasy, and it didn’t happen exactly how I wanted, but I wouldn’t go as far as saying anything has failed miserably.

Bonus: Tell us about your most cherished fantasy. Did you ever live it out? Please give us all the juicy details because that is the kind of people we are.

Honestly I have a lot of different fantasies, and I’m not sure which is my most cherished. I definitely have more fantasies that I haven’t lived out yet than ones that I have, but that’s mostly because I’m constantly coming up with new ones…

Get Back in Line

Stretched out before me are naked women on all fours, asses in the air, heads down, in a line. I don’t know who they are or where they came from, nor do I care. All I know is that I like the view, a landscape of curving fleshy hills, hips shoved together, open, willing holes, and perched feet. Jake, towering like a God with his long curly hair and toned muscles, stands motionless nearby, awaiting my commands.

I approach a curvy bottom, attracted to her pink, dangling lips, and the mess of long, dark brown hair that covers her face near the ground like a thick curtain.

“Give her pretty little pussy 3 licks,” I say, pointing.

Her thighs twitch as he approaches, and he moves his tongue slowly, taking his time.  When he’s done, she stays completely still, and so does he.

“Now, beg him to fuck you,” I say, as I run my hand between her cheeks. I move to Jake, and continue, “And you, spank her until you really believe that she wants it.”

Her voice rises like smoke from below, and starts as a soft whisper, “Please, fuck me.” The thud from Jake’s palm echoes her words, and she begins to ask louder, “Please, please, fuck me.”

“Harder!” I order, as his hand strikes each side, his hits gradually escalating in intensity.

It’s not long before her gorgeous, supple ass is bright pink, her legs are quivering, and she’s screaming, pleading, crying for his cock. I wait until I see moisture trickling down her legs.

“Now, fuck her.”

I growl as his hardness parts her swollen folds, and they both grunt in unison as his hips slap against her flushed skin.

“Now, stop,” I say after only a few moments, knowing she needs much more, knowing she’s aching to be filled and fulfilled.

“Get up and come fuck me like a good little slut,” I say, and like an eager puppy she kneels in front of me, wasting no time before she’s licking and pushing fingers into me like she’s searching for a much needed treat. I haven’t seen her face until now, and I admire her bright green eyes when she glances up to see how I’m responding as her mouth is buried. She wiggles her ass, and I pet it softly, sinking into the feelings of her hot lips, her slippery tongue, and her greedy fingers.

“Who wants to get fucked next?” I gasp loudly, trying to retain control as my legs shake and my breathing sputters.

A chorus of desperate voices cries out, “Me, please, me!”

“Start with her,” I say, pointing to the nearest woman, “and then keep going down the row, all of them.”

I watch as Jake moves from one to the next, and with each gasp, each quiver as the hot head of his cock enters, I fall deeper into my own pleasure. Women at the end of the line grow impatient, shaking and dripping, begging for him to hurry so they can have a turn.

I close my eyes and enjoy the sounds, the heavy breathing, the moaning, the screams of ecstasy. My woman’s tongue moves faster, and she pushes her wet cunt onto my leg, and groans as her now plump clit rubs against my bare skin. My pussy grips her skilled fingers, and suddenly I feel my urgent need.

“Do you want me to come on you?” I ask her, already knowing her answer.

“Yes, please,” she replies instantly. “Come on my face, on my breasts, in my mouth,” she says as she pulls her lips off, my juices smeared all over her beautiful cheeks, her fingers still pulling and rubbing me frantically.

I scream and push her out, and she tilts her head back, mouth open, as my wetness showers her. When I’m done, she licks the remaining liquid from my thighs, her hands gripping my legs, her hair drenched. I grab her by the chin roughly, pulling her face up until she’s close, gazing into my eyes.

“Do you want to get back in line now my dear; do you want that hard cock inside of you?”

“Yes, oh please god yes,” she says, touching herself at the thought. I give her the go ahead and she crouches at the end of the row, sticking her ass up to match all of the others.

Jake’s still making his way down the line like I told him, and the ones who have already been fucked lay collapsed in a heap, arms and legs tangled. I walk slowly toward them, and they gaze up at me attentively. I rub one of my bare feet along a curvy blonde woman’s chest, and she swallows one of my toes, sucking gently. They all stare at me, waiting.

“Who wants another turn?” I ask to no one in particular.

“Me!” they all answer anxiously.

“You’ll have to work for it,” I tease, and they surround me, pleading with their bodies, every limb busy trying to compete for my attention. I sigh as someone’s fingers press inside, and a mouth circles my clit, teeth biting my nipples, tongues in both ears, feet covered by hot, damp lips and hands caressing every morsel of my skin.

After coming again and again, after I’ve covered them all with my sweat and come and sex, I send them back to the line, where Jake’s still busy. I take a break to give more orders, like fuck her mouth, now take her ass, now grip her neck, move to the next, now finger the pussy on each side of you as you thrust, now rub your cock between her breasts.

I touch myself as I watch, and after they’ve all been fucked, I ask, “Now, who wants his come?”

They all shout a different answer:

“Please, me!”

“No, on my big tits!”

“On my wet cunt”

“Please, on my pretty face”

“Me, on my ass”

“Inside my ass!”

“Please, in my mouth!”

They crowd around him, gaping holes, perked nipples, thrashing limbs, fighting, entwined together like a net.

I see the woman, my favorite, who so willingly drank my come like a delicacy, and I lean over and rub her head, nodding at Jake towards her. She opens her mouth again, eyes wide as he spurts into her parted lips.

When he’s done, he’s still hard, his cock trembling.

“Get back in line,” I demand, and they quickly form a new row, sticking their asses as high as possible, scrambling to get a spot close to where I stand.

I look at Jake and smile. He can’t make a move without my word, his dick is mine. He raises his eyebrows ever so slightly, questioning.

“Yes,” I answer out loud, rubbing myself roughly, “again!”

Dirty Talk

The night was warm and wet, and small beads of sweat trickled between my breasts. I felt like walking sex with so much bare skin showing in my vintage tube top, and I felt curious eyes drift over me as I returned to our table with a fresh beer. Putting a hand on his leg as I dipped into my seat, I followed Jake’s lustful gaze.

“What about her?” he asked, eyeing a young blonde in a flowery dress.

“She looks a little prissy,” I answered, “but hot.”

“I wonder if she would be interested in both of us,” Jake mused, moving closer.

“I wonder what her pussy looks like,” I said, glancing around to gauge if anyone could hear our conversation.

If they could, they didn’t show it.

When we got home later, I told Jake I was tired and wanted go to sleep soon. I could tell he craved a late night fuck, but I wanted to torture him a little. Sitting on the futon together, I put my bare feet in his lap and told him to rub them as we talked and watched TV.  Since we had been checking people out together all night, the topic of threesomes drifted into our conversation again, and I mentioned a tall, cute guy with brown hair I had flirted with while ordering a drink at the bar.

“I think he wanted to fuck me,” I said.

“Of course he did,” Jake said, kissing my toes playfully.

“Next time you should tell him to come home with us,” he continued, “if you want to get fucked extra hard.”

I couldn’t help but rub myself gently over my panties, picturing Jake and the other man standing over me, two big hands on my breasts and two squeezing my ass.

“Where would you want us to come?” he asked.

“Hmm, I guess it depends on what position I’m in,” I answered, feeling my pussy moisten through the soft cotton, my nipples perking in anticipation.

Not wasting any time, we rushed to the bedroom, peeling off our clothes along the way.

“I want to be your fuck toy tonight,” I said as he stood at the edge of the bed, his cock rising like a proud flag.

Without using my hands, I searched for his penis with my mouth, and he waved it back in forth, his hardness hitting my cheek.

“You don’t get it yet,” he said slyly, grabbing my chin with one hand and holding my face to his. I looked into his eyes and saw that his look had intensified.

“Lie on your back,” he instructed, and I quickly changed positions, with my body lying face up on the bed, my head tilted back over the edge near where he stood, almost upside down.

Without asking, he thrust himself into my mouth, and I frantically moved my tongue around him, eager to please. He held my arms down on the bed, trapping me in my deliciously vulnerable position.

“All the way,” he said softly, although still in a rough, aroused voice, “you can do it.”

I stopped moving my tongue and focused all of my effort on relaxing every muscle in my throat and moving my head so he was at just the right angle. He thrusted hard, and I was amazed with how far he went. I’ve deep throated him plenty of times, but in this position it felt like he was further inside than ever before.

“That’s it,” he said, “good girl.”

By now I could feel my pussy dripping and pulsing with excitement, even though he hadn’t touched me yet. He kept thrusting, deeper and deeper, and I gagged a few times, not enough to make me stop, but enough to make me feel even more out of control, even more that I wanted nothing other than to give him immense pleasure.

Just when the thrusting began to feel like too much, too hard, too fast, he grabbed my hair and pulled my head up towards his. His cheek now pressed roughly against mine, he held one hand tight around my neck and the other parted my throbbing lips, his fingers moving hard inside me. I could feel my spit dripping down my neck.

“You’re a good little mouth,” he said, as I moaned with the sudden powerful penetration, “and a good pussy” I answered, nodding my head slightly as he continued.

“Just imagine,” he said, “soon we will do this again, but while you’re busy sucking my dick, you’re going to get fucked too.”

His words came to life in my mind, and I pictured another hard cock filling up my mouth, silencing my moans and gasps, leaving me even more breathless and helpless, submitting to pleasure. My first orgasm rushed over me, my legs flailing beneath him, and I thought he would stop after feeling my pussy tighten and clench around his fingers, but he didn’t. He kept going.

“Oh fuck baby,” I gasped, another orgasm blossoming from deep inside.

“Do you want me to fuck your mouth again?” he asked, expecting me to nod in approval.

“No,” I retorted instead, “I want you to fuck my ass.”

“Mmm,” he groaned, “stay still.”

I waited for a few minutes that seemed like forever and then felt the cool trickle of lube between my legs. I was on all fours, propped on my elbows, and I began stroking my clit lightly with one hand. I needed to relax. I focused on my breathing as I felt a finger caress my tight hole, moving in slow circles.

“That feels so good baby,” I moaned as he teased me mercilessly.

When he finally put a finger in, I was ready, and I wanted more. When he pulled out his finger I felt something harder, a glass plug.

“Time to warm up your tight little ass,” he said as he pushed it in slowly, listening for my cues. I sighed as it passed my threshold, popping into place. Before I could move he thrust his hard cock inside my soft cunt, and I felt wet and full and ready to erupt. Raw emotions bubbled inside me, exploding from my mouth.

“I want to give you a double blow job,” I moaned from below him as he kept thrusting madly, “she’ll suck your cock, and I’ll lick your balls and your ass.”

I turned around a little so I could see that look on his face when he fucks me, the wild intensity of it.

“I can’t wait to see you fuck another pussy; I can’t wait to lick her clit while you thrust into her, you’ll fuck her good baby,” I said, closing my eyes and picturing it.

“Fuck yes,” he answered, pulling out of me quickly and pivoting me roughly towards him, pumping his cock with one hand and shoving my head toward it with the other. I swallowed him again whole, and I tasted myself on his cock and smelled my juices on his balls as my nose pressed up firmly against them. I love the way my pussy smells, and I groaned and licked and moved my mouth frantically, my animal instincts taking over. When he finally pulled out again, I could barely breathe, and I tried my best to muster up an answer when he asked roughly, “do you want me to fuck your ass now?”

“Yes,” I said, moving quickly back to my position on all fours, sticking my butt up high in the air. He tugged on the plug, which made me feel like I was going to come again, but I held back, using all of my self control not to stroke myself yet.

He stopped touching me for a minute, and images flashed through my mind: sucking two cocks at once, back and forth, a woman’s moist and plump pussy lips in my face, being thrown around like a doll, four hands between my legs.

My fantasies dissipated as I felt a warm thwack on my right ass cheek, the concentrated sting of a crop that I hadn’t felt in a long time.

“Harder,” I said as he brought it down again on the other check. After a few hits, I felt close to orgasm again, and nearly came when he suddenly brought it down on my pussy, the sting sending waves of pleasure, making me twitch and writhe.

“Oh fuck,” I gasped, trying not to come yet, trying to control myself, but I could hear myself moan louder and louder, as if I was outside of my body looking in, observing. He pulled out the plug, and my right hand gravitated to my pussy automatically. I squeezed my mound and cupped my hand over myself, waiting anxiously. Jake rubbed his cock over my ass; he knew I was more than ready but kept me waiting just long enough. I gasped when he finally pushed himself into me, and now I was more than relaxed and eager.

“How’s this baby?” he asked, grunting loudly, gripping my hips and moving faster.

“Just right,” I answered, feeling myself getting closer. Every movement he made felt like an explosion of sensation, my tight ass squeezing him, feeling him, taking him in deeper.  I got that familiar timeless sensation I usually get during sex, except this time it was all slow motion, and every thrust seemed to last forever, the feelings swelling and intensifying.

“Oh god I’m going to come,” I gasped, my clit throbbing frantically beneath my fingers as my pussy and ass tightened. I felt dizzy and warm and consumed as the orgasm I had been prolonging took over me, my body flushing and shaking, my heartbeat slowing to an all encompassing loud pulse, sending blood rushing through my head, my arms, my legs, my pussy, my neck.

I gasped again, almost falling off of the edge of the bed as he pulled out and came, his warm semen splashing my back. I felt like I couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak. Jake must have sensed my helplessness, as he pulled me up onto the bed before I could topple over the side. I was way too tired to shower and passed out drenched in come and sweat.

The next morning, I woke up still wet, my hand on my cunt, smiling at the memory of the previous night’s ecstasy as I felt the slickness of lube between my thighs.

I’m a Girl, and I Watch Porn

Before I worked at a sex store, I never really watched porn. There are only 2 times I remember watching it. One was when me and a bunch of my guy friends in High School were drinking all day because someone’s parents were out of town, and the only scene I caught from the couch was a DP extreme close-up, which didn’t leave me wanting more. The other time was in college at a dorm party, and while it was entertaining to watch while drinking in a group, I still didn’t think of it as something I was attracted to doing alone for myself. The only people I ever heard talking about watching porn and liking it were guys, whether in real life or on TV, so I pretty much ignored porn and figured it was just something guys did.When I started working at a sex store, one of my coworkers was a huge porn fan, so I was instantly curious and started borrowing some of her movies. One of the first videos she let me borrow was Pirates, and although I didn’t like that all of the main characters had huge fake boobs and were overly tan, I did enjoy a few scenes, particularly the one where Carmen Luvana is tied down and then has sex with Jenaveve Jolie while a large group of male pirates watch. One night Jake came home while I was watching that scene, which led to us having especially hot sex, so I told him to pick out another movie he liked for us to watch another time. I don’t remember what movie he picked out specifically, but it was basically just two normal looking people fucking, which didn’t really do much for me.

Enjoying porn is all about finding what you like to watch, what turns you on. I remember Jake jokingly making fun of me for liking the Pirates scene and movie because he thinks high production pornos with costumes and plot lines are cheesy. I didn’t really think much about it at the time, but thinking back now I realize that it was the fantasies in the scene that I liked, not the plot or the costumes (though they didn’t hurt.) Having sex with girls or having people watch me while I masturbate or have sex are two of the most common scenarios that I use as masturbation material, and I was attracted to that Pirates scene because it gave me a graphic visual version of what I was already picturing in my head.

Every person is different and has different tastes in sex and therefore in porn as well. I enjoy porn because it allows me to watch people acting out sexual fantasies and share them with my partner.  Just because I like something in porn, doesn’t mean I want to try it in real life. One example of this is “gang bang” scenes in movies.  I was recently reading a few stories from the erotic anthology Nice Girls, Naughty Sex and was surprised to find I was extremely turned on by Emily Croy’s story “Dirty Cop Doesn’t Mean What It Used To,” which in a nutshell is about one young girl having sex with a bunch of older guys at the same time and loving it. After I read the story, I got really horny and told Jake that I wanted to watch some multiple guy on girl porn that night. We had a great time sharing a fantasy together, and I loved watching scenes of a hot girl getting attention from multiple guys and thinking about putting myself in her situation. In real life, I don’t really want a bunch of dicks; it’s just something fun to think about.

For me porn is just fuel for my imagination. When I watch porn, it isn’t primarily to see close ups on body parts and penetration, it’s to give me new ideas, images, and people to add to my own fantasies.  Before I worked in the sex industry, I never realized that lots of women watch porn and love it just as much as guys do because there is still a stereotype that guys are the primary porn watchers. Now that I work in the industry, I’m around a lot of sexually open women, but I still know plenty of girls who don’t watch porn or at least don’t talk about it. So for any of you out there (and for myself), I just want to end by saying, “I’m a girl and I enjoy watching porn, and you can too!”

Chloe Sevigny: My Celeb Fantasy

I love Chloe Sevigny because even though she’s a rich actress and fashion icon, she still seems real.

Sevigny’s career in fashion began in 1993 when she was literally discovered off of the street in NYC by a fashion editor from Sassy magazine who liked her hat and asked her to intern and later model for the magazine. Her acting career started in a similar manner, when she met and befriended Harmony Korine in Washington Square Park, who ended up casting her as lead in the independent and disturbing movie Kids. Since then, Sevigny has given amazing performances in many challenging and unconventional roles, including the extremely controversial The Brown Bunny, which has a scene of Sevigny giving Vincent Gallo a blowjob.
So I’ll go ahead and confess right now, as soon as I heard that there was a real sex scene out there starring Chloe, I definitely didn’t watch the whole movie but instead skipped to the “I loved kissing you” scene and masturbated while watching their few moments of passion. I know I’m not the only one, considering that the scene is up on You Porn and probably a bunch of other similar sites.

Not surprisingly, the movie received extremely harsh criticism for the scene from all ends, although a few people did support her choice. I like this quote from Manohla Dargis of The New York Times, “Actresses have been asked and even bullied into performing similar acts for filmmakers since the movies began, usually behind closed doors. Ms. Sevigny isn’t hiding behind anyone’s desk. She says her lines with feeling and puts her iconoclasm right out there where everyone can see it; she may be nuts, but she’s also unforgettable.” Although I didn’t care for the movie because it was extremely slow and hard to watch, I support Sevigny’s choice to perform in it. Although some thought the movie would destroy her career, her success has continued, and she did an excellent job portraying the complicated character Nicolette Grant in one of my favorite HBO shows, Big Love.

I can’t help but love Chloe Sevigny and star her in my hottest girl fantasies. She’s sexy, talented, honest, quirky, and most importantly, imperfect. Who wants a perfect, wholesome, publicity/agent controlled celeb fantasy, when you can have one who admits to trying drugs and bisexuality, stars in weird roles, and has a notorious fellatio scene?