Tag Archives: female ejaculation

Yes, Squirting is Real (And it’s not pee.)

pennysblog_ejaculate

I want to start by saying that I do not know everything there is to now about squirting/female ejaculation. I am not a doctor, a scientist, or a researcher. What I am, however, is an expert at my own body. And I know that I ejaculate, and that is is most definitely not the same as peeing. I am not opposed to further study of the chemical makeup and process of squirting–I’m all for more research, and that is not what upsets me.

What upsets and angers me is when the media takes a very small (and arguably poorly designed) study of squirting and proclaims it the truth and the be-all end-all on the matter. I’m not going to link to the media outlets that wrote about it because I don’t want to send traffic to their crappy, patronizing articles, but I’ve read at least three that sensationalize this small, inconclusive study, declaring SQUIRTING IS REALLY JUST PEE all too gleefully.

I don’t care if my ejaculate is chemically similar to pee (and I don’t think there’s evidence that it is), but regardless, my experience of squirting during sex is NOT that of peeing and is tied to my pleasure and to call it “essentially adult bed wetting” is incredibly insulting, condescending, and damaging.

Let’s talk about the study1 for a moment, shall we. First off, as I already mentioned, it studied only 7 women, all of whom ejaculate a large amount2 during orgasm. They took ultrasounds of the participants’ bladders before arousal, right after they became aroused, and after squirting. They also took urine samples before sexual stimulation, samples of the squirt, and urine samples after. In the results, they report the levels of PSA (prostatic fluid) as well as urea, creatinine, and uric acid levels. I’m not going to go into all of the findings in detail, but the main points I took from it were that 2 of the women didn’t have any PSA in their squirt, 5 did, and 1 had a lot of it, and 2 of the participants’ squirt showed little difference in the amounts of urea, creatinine, and uric acid in their squirt/urine.

First off, there seem to be some pretty obvious problems with this study….like why did they only study 7 women, and why only women who ejaculate lots of fluid every time it happens?3 Why didn’t they note the size of the prostate before and after stimulation in the study? Or are they including it with the neighboring bladder, which would pretty much invalidate the whole squirt is pee hypothesis?

Also, a study conducted in Spain in 1999 by psychologist and sexologist Dr. Francisco Cabello Sanatamaria (Sundahl 25) suggests that women ejaculate retrograde into the bladder if they don’t release their ejaculate–how does this relate to the women in the study? Could they be producing the squirt in their prostates, storing excess in their bladders until the moment of orgasmic release? If not, how and why do women produce such large amounts of fluid in the bladder, and only from sexual stimulation of the prostate? Why does it contain prostatic fluid? Does the size and shape of their prostate (there are 4 types) and the number of glands and ducts (it varies greatly) affect the chemical makeup/amount of PSA in their squirt?

I get that no one study can cover everything, but these are all very important questions that need further study.

It seems that the researchers don’t understand the experiences of women/people who ejaculate, and they think it’s a “problem” to be “fixed.” In the end of the study, the report says that a recent study shows that 4 out of 5 women who ejaculate see it as an enrichment to their sex lives…but then they go on to say that since the study didn’t specify how much these women ejaculate, women who ejaculate a lot probably see it as a problem. Based on nothing but these scientists’ conjecture.

The media is disregarding the experiences of so many women who ejaculate and find it a natural, fulfilling part of their sexuality, and trying to portray squirting in a negative light. In addition to people who squirt seeing it as a vital part of their sexual experience and identity, there have also been studies that suggest that squirt may provide a protective agent for the urethra (Sundahl 42) and that female ejaculate plays a role in creating a supportive environment for sperm/reproduction as well (Sundahl 36.)

And let’s not forget the other studies that have shown that squirt is not the same as urine. In her book book “Female Ejaculation & the G-Spot,” Deborah Sundahl (who has been researching female ejaculation for 35 years & references dozens of studies in her book) asserts that female ejaculate is predominately prostatic fluid (produced by the female prostate) mixed with 10% glucose & trace amounts of urine (uric acid, urea, & creatinine.)

Still, the media chooses to disregard all of the previous research, as well as the countless personal accounts of people who ejaculate, and declare “IT IS PEE! IT’S PISS! It’s essentially adult bed-wetting!” They use horribly negative language to portray what so many people consider to be an amazing, natural part of their sexuality. They also ignore the part of the study that I find most interesting– that all seven women reported that their squirting was partner dependent, and that in six of seven women, it was only possible after manual g-spot stimulation. Regardless of where their squirt comes from or what it’s made of, there’s obviously something more complicated going on here than just “peeing during sex.”

Which leads me to my own experience with ejaculation and how I know that ejaculation is not pee. When I squirt, I am not peeing. First off, it took me months to learn to stimulate my g-spot and learn to ejaculate. I wanted to do it, but it didn’t happen until I was not only stimulating my g-spot in the right way, but also relaxed and confident in my ability to do it. If it was “just pissing during sex,” I think it would’ve come much easier than that, and I’d be able to go it without g-spot stimulation. It also does not look, smell, or taste like pee. Most importantly, it does not feel like peeing. It feels like ejaculating.

So this just happened…

A post shared by Penny (@pennysblog) on

Before I ejaculated for the first time, I wasn’t exactly convinced that squirting wasn’t pee. But I was interested in trying out a new experience, and I decided if I did pee during orgasm, so be it–I am not squicked out by bodily fluids. When I was first exploring my g-spot, the sensations I felt did remind me of the feeling of having to pee, which makes sense because the g-spot surrounds the urethral canal. But now that I’m familiar with my g-spot and the sensations I feel when it’s stimulated, I can easily distinguish between the two feelings: needing to pee and needing to ejaculate. If I’ve drank too much water and start having sex or masturbating, I know when I need to go pee, and I get up and go pee. If my g-spot is being stimulated by fingers, a toy, or a penis, and I feel the power of my arousal growing with stimulation and pressure to my g-spot to the point where I need a release–I know I need to ejaculate. They are two separate, distinct feelings and experiences.

My ejaculation varies–sometimes I can easily ejaculate while other times I can’t, but that’s not surprising, since the amount/ability to ejaculate depends on where you are in your menstrual cycle, as does its smell and taste (like with vaginal lubrication.) Obviously, it also depends on my mood, my arousal, and whether or not I want to make a mess that day.

I can control whether or not I ejaculate (so it’s definitely not “orgasmic incontinence.)” There have been a few times when I felt it was extremely urgent and perhaps I couldn’t have stopped it (read: uncontrollable, mind-blowing orgasms) but in general, I can control if and when I do it. Sometimes I choose not to, depending on the situation. It also does not always coincide with my orgasm. Sometimes it does, but sometimes I can squirt, then orgasm, then squirt some more…etc. I think it often enhances my g-spot orgasms, but I can also have g-spot orgasms without squirting. Men/people with penises too can learn to separate ejaculation from orgasm, so this isn’t surprising. It also isn’t surprising that for some women it isn’t controllable, as it isn’t controllable for many men. How we orgasm and ejaculate obviously varies.

I’d also like to point out that there is nothing wrong with urinal incontinence, or peeing during sex play, but I am asserting that squirting is a different experience and should not be labeled as “peeing during sex.”

For the people who say, what’s the big deal, why are you getting so upset? It’s just science. Science is objective–no, science is influenced by culture, and science has historically ignored or even vilified female sexuality. Let’s not forget that not long ago, scientists thought that our wombs wandered about in our bodies, creating hysteria–a “disease” that could only be cured by stimulation of women’s sex organs by a doctor. Let’s not forget that in the past, scientists left blank spots on diagrams of women’s anatomy or did not understand its full capacity.

Sensationalizing biased, misinformed, and inconclusive studies is not harmless–it is destructive. In her Vagaculation workshop last year, Diana J. Torres talked about how young women she met in Spain had had their prostates (g-spots) removed unnecessarily because doctors mistook their ejaculation for incontinence. The female prostate is an integral part of vaginal sexual anatomy, and to have it removed (and therefore also the potential for g-spot/orgasmic pleasure) due to misinformation and negative views of squirting is horrifying.

Deborah Sundahl also discusses how if women are consciously or unconsciously afraid they might pee during sex, they sometimes routinely clamp down on their PC muscles to avoid what is actually ejaculation, which can contribute to chronic pelvic muscle tension, a serious physical problem. Not to mention the shame surrounding sexuality after hearing “you don’t have a g-spot” or “female ejaculation isn’t real” all around you, even if you know it’s bullshit. Hearing that ejaculation is just pee or that it’s gross and something to be avoided can damage a person’s sexuality and well-being, even if it’s unconscious.

pennysblog_vagaculationworkshop3

It has not always been like this. Historically, many cultures have recognized and even celebrated female ejaculation. And even in our culture, many sex educators and sexuality pioneers like Deborah Sundahl, Shannon Bell, Tristan Taormino, and others, have been teaching about the g-spot and female ejaculation and hosting workshops to spread knowledge about it for years. There are tons of personal accounts from squirters, some right there waiting for you to read (sex blogs!), sharing their stories of ejaculation and g-spot pleasure. It is not something we’re all “making up,” it’s not a porn star trick, it’s not a myth–it is real, and it is not pee.

If you’re still not convinced that squirting is real, and you think I’m full of shit, I challenge you to think about why you find the idea of squirting/female ejaculation so offensive, and why you want to dismiss it as “just pee.” I also encourage you to do your own research–read more about it before you jump on the bandwagon and share one of those articles with silly gifs that mock the valid, real, and incredibly important experiences of so many people like myself. I’ve already heard of people sharing these condescending articles as a way to shame and intimidate people who squirt, and that is disgusting and unacceptable. Think what you want about the topic, but don’t use any article or study to make someone feel bad about their natural sexual experience.

Leading sex blogger Epiphora wrote a brilliant response to the media’s coverage of this study, sharing her experiences with squirting and asking other people who squirt to share their experiences in the comments section of her post as well as on Twitter with the hashtag #notpee. If you’re a squirter, please help us dispel these negative myths about our sexuality by participating!

Update 1/17: Lux Alptraum also wrote a great piece on this subject for the Guardian.

Also, please feel free to share your experiences in my comments section or link to your posts about squirting!

Sundahl, Deborah. Female Ejaculation and the G-spot. 2nd ed. Nashville: Turner, 2014. Print.


  1. http://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1111/jsm.12799/abstract 

  2. at least that of a glass of water 

  3. People have many different experiences with squirting and how much they squirt, if they can control it, etc. 

Yes, the G-Spot Is Real

Yesterday I finally made it out to Q-Toys, the only store in Austin that carries only safe, non-toxic sex toys, for a g-spot workshop. The small shop on Burnet is a mecca for those seeking quality toys in Texas, and I had a great time checking out some I’ve been eyeing, like the We-Vibe Touch, Vixskin Mustang, and Pure Plugs, and talking to the awesome and friendly owner Stephanie.

What I wasn’t impressed with though was the g-spot workshop. And by not impressed I actually mean very upset.

The class seemed to have potential, with the Pure Wand, Gigi, and other quality g-spot toys lining the front table, but things went downhill fast when the presenter (Julie Sunday) started the workshop by saying that no one really knows if the g-spot exists.

At first I thought maybe it was a joke or a transition into discussing how the study of female pleasure is often dismissed or distorted, but it wasn’t. We’ve all heard the debates about whether or not the g-spot exists, even though we know it does. The g-spot is the urethral sponge. It sits around the urethra & can be felt through the front wall of the vagina. I’m not surprised (but still upset) when I hear these discussions in mainstream media, but in a sex positive store, from a sex educator?

Yes, a sex educator started the g-spot workshop by saying that no one knows if the g-spot exists, and if it does, no one knows what it is. She drew up a diagram of vaginal anatomy, but with ??? instead of labeling the g-spot.

workshopdiagramMy heightened blood pressure lowered a bit as the presenter moved on to talk about toys that stimulate the g-spot…until at the end of the class, as if it was an afterthought, she mentioned female ejaculation.

Specifically, she claimed that some women just ejaculate and others don’t, and if you don’t already ejaculate naturally, you probably never will, so don’t worry about it. She joked, “there are some porn dvds that claim they can teach it, so if you want to drop $50, I’m sure it works (sarcastic tone.)”

What??

At this point I was screaming on the inside, and I wanted to get up in front of the class and say this is absolutely not true! But I didn’t want to get into a big confrontation, so I waited until she was done. I whispered to my friend about it, who was equally shocked by the presentation, and then I approached Julie when someone else was done asking her a question.

I tried to be friendly as I told her that it’s definitely possible to learn how to ejaculate, that I have, and that I know of a lot of others who have too. Her response was to tell me that it’s a big thing in porn to ejaculate, and that it puts unnecessary pressure on people and that plenty of people are just fine without it. I understand that this may be the case for some people, but isn’t that why we’re here at a g-spot class, to learn about stimulating the g-spot?

I tried talking to her more about my concerns with what she’d said, but it was going nowhere. I started feeling pretty uncomfortable talking to her, and I’m not great with confrontation, so I let it go and went back to looking at toys and talking to the owner.

I wasn’t planning on critiquing the workshop at all, but I feel obligated to say something about the misinformation in the class. We already have enough people claiming the g-spot isn’t real and that female ejaculation isn’t real or you have to be a porn star to do it, and the fact that a sex educator is furthering these misconceptions worries me. If I didn’t already know what the g-spot is and how to stimulate mine, I would have left the workshop confused, frustrated, and discouraged.

It’s definitely possible to learn how to ejaculate. I’ve done it, plenty of others have done it, and there are books and classes that can help. Not everyone can do it, and not everyone likes it, and that’s fine, but there’s certainly nothing wrong with wanting to or trying to learn.

There are a plethora of misconceptions about the g-spot. It isn’t the be all end all of female pleasure. It’s not a magic place you can just find and immediately start having the best orgasms of your life. Everyone’s g-spot is different, some are more sensitive than others, and not everyone enjoys the way g-spot stimulation feels.

But the g-spot is a real, physical thing. Period.

From The Smart Girl's Guide to the G-spot

From The Smart Girl’s Guide to the G-spot

*Helpful G-Spot Links & Resources:

Does the G-Spot Exist? – She Blog

Female Ejaculation & the G-Spot – Deborah Sundahl

G-spot Resource Guide & G-spot Facts – Violet Blue

How To Find the G-Spot – Ducky Doolittle

The G-Spot Does Exist! – Oh, Megan!

The Secrets of Great G-Spot Orgasms & Female Ejaculation

The Smart Girl’s Guide to the G-Spot

Tristan Taormino, Danny Wylde, & Dylan Ryan Talk the G-spot

**Update 6/27**

The owner of Q Toy’s response to my post (which I emailed her about) was mostly dismissive. She said that she wouldn’t address Julie’s stance on female ejaculation because she had already talked to her about it and knew they disagreed on the subject (so she knew before the workshop that the educator doesn’t believe women can learn to ejaculate, which is a problem.)

As for the g-spot not existing, she defended the presentation, saying that no one was claiming the g-spot doesn’t exist, only that the scientific community hasn’t agreed on it etc. But as I explained before, the presentation started by saying that no one knows if the g-spot exists or what it is, and Julie didn’t assert that it is real or explain the basics of what it is. Hence the ??? on the diagram.  She did say that if I took it that way, others might too, so she’d talk to Julie about re-framing the discussion, which is something, but the fact that she defended the presentation and made it seem like it was acceptable and normal is frustrating. Not surprisingly, she also said she wished I had come to her before posting (which actually means, I wish you had come to me so I could convince you not to post.)

I explained myself further in another email, although I feel it was already properly addressed in my post:

“I wanted to wait until the presentation was over to bring it up to be polite, but as I said in my post, I was not able to engage in a constructive conversation with Julie. When I said there are books about the g-spot, she immediately said they don’t know what they’re talking about. I responded, “Violet Blue doesn’t know what she’s talking about?” and she said “no, definitely not,” immediately dismissing me. The way she described female ejaculation & trying to learn was also sarcastic and negative. A workshop space should not be a place that makes fun of people who are trying to learn about female ejaculation or any sexual topic.”

I never heard back after that. After her response to my 1st email & lack of response to my 2nd, I don’t feel comfortable shopping at Q Toys again, which is unfortunate because I liked the store. Also, from the response I got, it seems the problematic presentation will continue mostly as is, with the same presenter.

Review: Lelo Luna Beads Noir (and some tips)

The Luna Beads Noir are a black version of Lelo’s Luna Beads, which are vaginal weights for improving PC muscle strength that is vital for arousal, orgasms, ejaculation, and overall health. They were released by Lelo in response to an increased demand for Kegel balls after Fifty Shades of Grey came out, with the intention of being more for pleasure and foreplay than just for exercise.

The first thing I did when I received my Luna Beads Noir was compare them to my originals, and I discovered that there are a few differences besides just the color.  The Luna Beads Noir come with a black silicone holster and two black ABS plastic beads (rather than 4.) They’re also slightly smaller (the same size as the Luna Beads Mini) and have the same weight (37g each) as the heavier blue beads in the original system. Other than that they have the same design and are used in the same way, for exercise or foreplay.

As far as foreplay goes, the Luna Beads don’t do much for me though. I do enjoy wearing them while we’re out in public and can feel them moving around, but it’s subtle, and they definitely won’t bring me to orgasm or make me feel super aroused on their own.

I prefer to use Luna Beads for exercise, as they’re a perfect way to multitask and knock out PC workouts while running errands or doing my normal workouts. I bought my original Luna Beads earlier this year in hopes that they would help me reach my goal of learning to ejaculate. About 2 months later, I squirted for the first time. Although I think becoming more educated about ejaculation in general was the most important part of my learning to squirt, I think my Kegel exercise routine, which consists mainly of using the Luna Beads, was also a factor. Jake has told me that he can feel a noticeable difference in my vaginal tightness when we have sex on days after I’ve used them, and I can also tell a difference in my strength now as compared to before I began using them.

I’ve tried using my Luna Beads Noir in the same way as my original ones, for exercise, and in most situations I’ve had the same experience. While wearing them out in public or during workouts, I can feel them moving subtly inside me like the originals, and they’re just as quiet. The only time I’ve noticed a difference using them is during fast moving workouts. I’ve worn them to the gym, and while they don’t fall out when I’m doing yoga or weights, they do begin to fall out pretty quickly when I’m on the elliptical or treadmill. I think this is partly due to their heavier weight, since I usually wear the lighter pink ones when doing movement intensive workouts, and partly due to their smaller size, which forces my PC muscles to work harder to keep them in. They don’t fall out instantly though (I could feel them gradually slipping), and I was able to make it to the bathroom before they fell out completely.

So, should you buy the Luna Beads Noir?

Probably not. I like the originals better. You can feel them more, and they come with the full weight system. But if you absolutely must have black kegel balls, go for it. Or If you want to save a few bucks and already have strong vaginal muscles, you could get them since they’re less expensive than the whole system and only include heavier weights.

To care for your Lelo Luna Beads Noir, wash them before and after use with antibacterial soap and warm water. The silicone holster can also be boiled or run through the dishwasher (top shelf, no soap.) For a more thorough cleaning of the beads, place them in a bowl and pour boiling water over them, letting them soak for up to five minutes. Don’t through them in a pot while boiling other toys though, as the very hot sides of the pot can melt the plastic. Since the holster is made of silicone, you should only use a water based lubricant with the Luna Beads. Like all Lelo toys, the Luna Beads Noir come with a satin storage bag, a user manual, a one year warranty, and 10 year quality guarantee.

Get the Luna Beads Noir from SheVibe or directly from Lelo.

Specs

Harness Size: 73 x 31 x 15 mm

Bead Size: Diameter 29 mm

Weights: 2 x 37 grams

 

Since many people find my blog by searching for the term “Lelo Luna Beads” or other related phrases, and I’ve had a lot of questions about using them, here are a few tips for using Luna Beads in general:

Tips for Using Luna Beads

-When inserting the beads, lie down and relax, adding a small amount of water based lubricant to the tip of the beads (don’t use too much though since it will make them harder to hold in) and insert them gently, as you would a tampon, leaving the retrieval cord hanging out for easy removal.

-If you feel the original beads are too big, or you’re buying your first pair and are intimidated by inserting sex toys, try the Luna Beads Mini or Noir.

-If you’re a beginner to using Kegel balls, try wearing them at home first to see how long you can hold them in to avoid them falling out while in public. If you’re wearing them in public, start with the lighter beads, remember they’re in (as in be careful when you go to the restroom, etc.), and bring a plastic bag or container in case you need to take them out.

-If the beads keep falling out quickly, try lighter beads, or even just one bead, and wear them as long as you can each day until your muscles get stronger and you can hold them in longer. You can also try doing other Kegel exercises to help you work up to wearing the beads by clenching and releasing your muscles for a few minutes each day. It’s especially effective to do this using a dildo or something to clench around.

 

1st Time with Adam

Unlike my wet Fascinator Throe review images, which were set up (using water), this image is all real, juicy wetness courtesy of yours truly. Isn’t the splash pattern of my come just lovely? 😉 I don’t want to spoil my upcoming review of the toy by elaborating too much, but I will say that Jake and Adam both had me at the same time, and it was…intense!

See who else is being sinful this Sunday by clicking the icon below:

Sinful Sunday

Erotic Art Thursday 1: Peter Fendi

Although I never formally posted about it, you may know from some of my tweets that I recently traveled to Barcelona for a month. While I was there, I didn’t have much time to do anything blog-related, but I did get a chance to visit a couple of sex shops as well as the Museum of Erotica, a gallery of historic erotic artifacts, paintings, photographs, and films on La Rambla.

The Museum of Erotica was basically a series of small rooms with various erotic artworks with short descriptions and an optional audio guide. I used the audio guide for awhile but got bored pretty quickly listening to the not very informative descriptions and mainly wandered around shooting photos of pieces that interested me.

I enjoyed viewing the erotic artwork, even though the museum was small and overpriced (9 Euro.) Rather than try to include all of my favorite images from the museum in one post, Jake suggested that I post one or two every week, and thus my idea for Erotic Art Thursdays was born.

This week I would like to share two of my favorites from the museum, erotic watercolors by Austrian artist Peter Fendi (1796-1842.) I’m sure you can guess why I love the enthusiastic portrayal of female ejaculation, and I especially love the image of all of the men drinking it!

If you would like your artwork featured on an upcoming Erotic Art Thursday post, feel free to contact me!

 

A Rough Morning

For a few blurred, barely conscious moments, I forget where I am and remember a woman’s thick lips locked between my legs. As I blink past the sleep haze, I feel Jake’s warm body next to mine, and he shifts slightly. I don’t usually wake up horny, but the image of the woman in my dream is fresh and ripe in my mind, and wetness stirs between my legs, as if she was still there, still softly circling my clit with her tongue.

I wonder if Jake would be grumpy if I woke him up for sex, and then realize the thought is ridiculous. Jake is always ready for sex, even half conscious, tired, hung-over, sick, whatever. He’s facing away from me, and I roll over him, searching for his penis as I gently kiss his lips.

As soon as my hand finds him, his body awakens before he does, and he grumbles and grabs for my head, thrusting it downward roughly, eyes still closed. Half hard, I take all of him in, and he groans in approval as I bring his cock to life.

“That’s my good little mouth,” he says as he yanks my head back by a handful of hair, and I nod in an eager reply, eyes locked on his as he plunges through my throat.

I love the way his instincts take over, how he moves with such force though barely awake.  Wet and ready for attention, I wiggle my butt up in the air, hinting for his gentle touch between my legs. Instead, he brings his palm down hard on one cheek and then the other, and with each spank my muscles twitch and then relax, and I can feel my now full lips throbbing in time with my frantic heartbeat.

After my messy and attentive deep throating, Jake rewards me by throwing me onto my back, peeling my legs open with a dirty smile and then covering me with his mouth, teasing. He knows that I want him inside, but he only licks and caresses until I can’t take it anymore.

“Finger me now,” I whimper, thrusting my hips up and down anxiously, “please.”

By the time he reaches in with two fingers, I feel like I am going to explode and even his first light touch almost sends me over the edge. I flush as he moves his fingers faster inside me, and then slaps my pussy with his free hand.

“Oh, fuck!” I scream, my juices running down his fingers and onto the sheets beneath.

He takes a moment to lick them, as if I’m fruit to be devoured and savored, relished. I taste myself on his lips as he kisses me and then pulls me to the edge of the bed, where he stands up, hand on his hardness.

“Do you want to get fucked now?” he asks as he rubs himself over my clit.

“Fuck, yes!”

My legs tremble as his cock fills me, and I can feel my g-spot growing each time he thrusts. My vision blurs, and I feel as if I’m in a kaleidoscope of pleasure, lost in orgasms that seem to grow and multiply uncontrollably, leaving me shaking and breathless. He puts one strong hand around my neck while he thrusts, and holds it just tight enough to make me gasp and then releases, and just when I feel like I am going to faint with ecstasy he turns me over, fucking me hard from behind as he spanks me again.

For awhile I hold myself up with one hand and caress my clit with the other, but eventually my body fatigues and I collapse beneath him, my arms almost unable to function. He flips me again, pulling me up on top of him as he stands, gripping my legs, and I use all of the energy I have left to bounce up and down on top of him.

Time seems to slow and speed up at random, and thoughts give way to only the physical: his fingers on my ass, my hand around his neck, his teeth on my ear, and oh his cock, his cock, his hard fucking cock inside me. I’m not sure if I fall or if he throws me, but soon I’m back on the bed, and he’s holding my legs up crossed in the air, and he slaps my right breast with his free hand.

“Fuck!” I yell, unable to say anything beyond those four simple letters.

He hits my other breast, harder, and my fingers grip into his legs, nails digging into his sweaty skin.

I scream again, making a scene of it, not holding anything back. My pussy tightens and pushes him out, and I rub my hand over myself as I gush all over both of us. He hits his cock against my cunt as I come and come, which makes my fluids to spray in every direction, and I giggle a little as I feel my own warm wetness sprinkle my face.

Drenched in my juices, he fucks me again, and it’s wet and messy and slippery as hell. I moan as he grasps the flesh on my hips, thrusting wildly. He pulls one of my legs up and gets me at just the right angle, and another orgasm floods over me as he grumbles, “where do you want it baby?”

“On my ass,” I demand, and he let’s go, warm cum spewing on my butt and thighs, mixing with mine and trickling between my legs.

“Oh my fucking god,” I gasp.

“I think that was the best sex we’ve ever had,” he says.

“You said that yesterday,” I say, as I laugh and moan in giddy post orgasmic bliss.

 

 

Deborah Sundahl’s Class and Thoughts on Female Ejaculation

Ever since I gushed all over my bed for the first time, I’ve hoped I would get a chance to meet the head cheerleader of my squirting escapades. And no I’m not talking about myself, or even my wonderful boyfriend, or the Seymore Butts porn stars with expert squirting skills that we watched together. I’m talking about Deborah Sundahl, the woman who quietly encouraged my g-spot exploration from behind the pages of her amazing book, Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot.

Lucky for me, Deborah came to Austin last week to teach some classes, and as soon as I found out I bought 2 tickets*. When the day rolled around neither Jake or I knew what to expect, and I admit I was somewhat disappointed that there wasn’t a huge fountain in the front of the class, or women pen in hand ready to take notes on the subject (besides me of course) or  really anything other than what you would expect— a room with folding chairs, 20 or so students (both singles and couples), a Powerpoint presentation, and of course Deborah, a lovely woman in a flowered dress smiling behind glasses as she discussed the often (unnecessarily) taboo topic of female ejaculation.

The presentation itself was basically a condensed version of her book, starting with an overview of the history of ejaculation and then moving into the anatomy of the g-spot. As she explained facts about the female prostate, like that it has a vine like shape and emits ejaculate, the class was mainly silent and not many participated in discussion. But after showing a short video of an up-close shot of a woman’s g-spot and ejaculate trickling out, the discussion began to flow as well, and more people chimed in with their questions and experiences. One woman could ejaculate already but hadn’t experienced a g-spot orgasm, and another may have squirted but thought it could have been pee.  A man sitting next to me wanted to know if ejaculate is different from other vaginal lubrication, and another wondered if having ejaculation as a goal could lead to performance anxiety for women.

As people began to talk more, some of their questions reflected the various reasons why women don’t ejaculate or have g-spot orgasms. For many, it’s a lack of knowledge. Before she started the video, the TV screen was frozen on a close up of the woman’s vagina, and when she asked if anyone could see her g-spot, only 4 people had raised their hands, two of which were Jake and I. After the video action, everyone saw it; it was there the whole time, yet most people couldn’t identify it at first. Deborah also explained that due to its location there’s no way you cannot stimulate the g-spot during penetration, so the issue of women who can’t find or feel their g-spot is usually a problem of awareness (it certainly was for me at first.) For many women, ejaculation often suffers a similar fate, either going unnoticed as extra wetness or negatively noticed as pee or some unknown substance. Once we know about the g-spot, where it’s located, and how it looks and feels when stimulated, we’re one huge step closer to ejaculation and g-spot pleasure.

As far as my own ejaculation journey, the most crucial point I learned from Deborah’s teachings is that “letting go” is the biggest obstacle to female ejaculation. When I say “letting go” I mean fully allowing ourselves to be in the moment, and letting go of fear during sex, the fear of peeing, the fear of laughing, farting, screaming, whatever.  Although I didn’t decide to “let go” and immediately go squirt the night I finished her book (it took some time and exploration), reading her book definitely gave me an encouraging push in the right direction. It happens naturally for some women, but I feel that something was blocking me from ejaculating, and the book, as well as my efforts, my boyfriend, and some sex toys helped to remove.

Although I had already read about most of the topics that Deborah talked about in her class, I still enjoyed the classroom atmosphere, observing how others approached the topic, and meeting and talking to Deborah. Even though I can ejaculate now, I know I’m not done with my exploration of female ejaculation, both with my own experiences with it as well as learning about and hopefully encouraging other women’s. It seems so strange, especially after discovering my own innate ability to ejaculate, that female ejaculation is something that so many people still don’t know about. I only found out about it a few years ago while I was organizing porn when I worked at a sex shop and came across a film titled “Young Squirters 8” or something along those lines.

From talking to many people about sex both at the sex shop as well as in my personal life, I’ve discovered that female ejaculation isn’t something most people talk about openly. And if they do talk about it, I often get the impression that they think it’s something weird, even gross, or at the least something that’s more of a novelty for porn than for all women to experience. I hope to change that. Even if it’s just by telling other people about my own experiences (I’ve told more than I can count already) and by sharing my stories on this blog. I’ve discovered that ejaculating is a beautiful, satisfying, empowering part of my body and my sexuality, and I hope other women who haven’t already will discover that as well. Or at the very least I hope they learn what it is and know that it’s completely natural and acceptable.  So whatever your situation with female ejaculation, I encourage you to think about it, talk about it, and write about it. And hopefully soon female ejaculation won’t be seen as a novelty or as something weird but instead recognized as what it truly is— a natural, amazing, and powerful part of our sexuality.

*I bought tickets to her co-ed lecture class; she also had an all day women only hands on Feminine Flow workshop, which unfortunately I couldn’t attend as I had another event that day.

I squirted for the 1st time!

Last year I bought Deborah Sundah’s book Female Ejaculation & the G-Spot and began my quest towards squirting. I felt like it would be a life changing thing, something that I needed to accomplish before I could feel like a truly equal and powerful sexual partner. I read the book cover to cover and became more excited with every chapter, reading about how female ejaculation has been worshiped in many cultures, how it’s good for your health, and how empowering it is to so many people.

According the book, one of the biggest obstacles people have to overcome when learning to squirt is simply accepting that squirting is real (as in ejaculation fluid, not pee) and that it’s not only possible but also beautiful and just as natural as penis ejaculation.

I set my mind to it, had faith that I could squirt, followed Deborah’s advice, and began exploring my g-spot on my own. I approached it without any goal of an orgasm, following her instructions about massaging my g-spot until it felt full and pushing out like I had to pee. I tried on my own a couple of times, but felt like I wasn’t even close to squirting and ended up giving up. Jake tried to help me out a couple of times as well, but looking back, I was way too focused on the goal of squirting and not allowing myself to just be in the moment. I was putting too much performance pressure on myself, and I always felt frustration and disappointment when I couldn’t do it, even if I had a great g-spot orgasm. After my few attempts alone and with Jake last year, I gave up on my squirting goal and figured I would come back to it when I felt ready. We stopped talking about it, and I stopped trying to do it.

That all changed today.  Jake and I both had the day off, and we began to play, starting with him sucking and biting my nipples while I caressed my clit for awhile. “Let’s just do this for a long time,” he said, and I agreed. Playtime, pleasure, and exploration were the goal for the day, not sex (although we did end up having sex later.) We took our time, first my fingers on my clit and his lips on my breasts, then his lips on my clit, my fingers on my breasts, then my mouth around him as he stroked me; we slowly went through all of the possible combinations. Eventually he began fingering me, slowly at first, but with increasing speed and pressure. I was already extremely turned on and could feel my g-spot swelling and becoming larger by the moment. I concentrated on breathing deeply and succumbing to the warm feeling inside me as his fingers massaged my g-spot and I rubbed my clit between my fingers. After playing for awhile and having a few orgasms, I felt like my g-spot was so full that it was going to burst, so I tried pushing out.

“It seems like you’re ready,” Jake said as he kept fingering me, “you just pushed my hand completely out and I could see it (my g-spot.)” I pushed his fingers out again and pushed but nothing came out. So he continued, moving his fingers around inside of me, using firm pressure  as he cupped my g-spot, tugged on it, rolled it between his fingers, and pushed on it harder and harder and faster and faster until I had another orgasm that left me screaming and out of breath, and I gasped, “now!” As he pulled out his fingers I pushed until I felt a liquid erupt from inside me, squirting up into the air and down onto my thighs and the sheets beneath. After a few seconds of squirting, Jake thrust his fingers inside me again, but I still felt full and said, “wait, there’s more,” and kept pushing and squirting out more ejaculate. I felt it gush out of me like a stream flowing wildly, pushing away everything in its path until it was done—leaving the sheets under me completely soaked, Jake with a huge grin on his face, and me ecstatic and giggling, feeling high on the experience.

I did it, I finally reached one of my big sexual goals; I ejaculated. I let go of the fear of peeing and just let myself gush all over the fucking place, and it felt so good I literally jumped up and down afterwards. I think it finally happened because I was so relaxed and so turned on and not even thinking about it until the moment was right, and I was ready. I also don’t think I would have been able to squirt without first reading Deborah’s book because I didn’t know what to do, but I wasn’t able to let go and just do it until I had forgotten about the book and my squirting goal.

Afterwards I felt more than giddy and breathless like I normally feel after an orgasm; I felt more alive and full of emotions. I felt empowered, excited and extremely confident. I felt even more connected with Jake. I felt like I wanted to run around yelling and telling everyone I know.  I felt strong, peaceful, and in tune with myself. I felt like a river with natural and untamed vigor; my feminine fountain was finally flowing.

**Update–I met Deborah! And I’ve also attended other ejaculation workshops.