Tag Archives: g-spot

Yes, the G-Spot Is Real

Yesterday I finally made it out to Q-Toys, the only store in Austin that carries only safe, non-toxic sex toys, for a g-spot workshop. The small shop on Burnet is a mecca for those seeking quality toys in Texas, and I had a great time checking out some I’ve been eyeing, like the We-Vibe Touch, Vixskin Mustang, and Pure Plugs, and talking to the awesome and friendly owner Stephanie.

What I wasn’t impressed with though was the g-spot workshop. And by not impressed I actually mean very upset.

The class seemed to have potential, with the Pure Wand, Gigi, and other quality g-spot toys lining the front table, but things went downhill fast when the presenter (Julie Sunday) started the workshop by saying that no one really knows if the g-spot exists.

At first I thought maybe it was a joke or a transition into discussing how the study of female pleasure is often dismissed or distorted, but it wasn’t. We’ve all heard the debates about whether or not the g-spot exists, even though we know it does. The g-spot is the urethral sponge. It sits around the urethra & can be felt through the front wall of the vagina. I’m not surprised (but still upset) when I hear these discussions in mainstream media, but in a sex positive store, from a sex educator?

Yes, a sex educator started the g-spot workshop by saying that no one knows if the g-spot exists, and if it does, no one knows what it is. She drew up a diagram of vaginal anatomy, but with ??? instead of labeling the g-spot.

workshopdiagramMy heightened blood pressure lowered a bit as the presenter moved on to talk about toys that stimulate the g-spot…until at the end of the class, as if it was an afterthought, she mentioned female ejaculation.

Specifically, she claimed that some women just ejaculate and others don’t, and if you don’t already ejaculate naturally, you probably never will, so don’t worry about it. She joked, “there are some porn dvds that claim they can teach it, so if you want to drop $50, I’m sure it works (sarcastic tone.)”

What??

At this point I was screaming on the inside, and I wanted to get up in front of the class and say this is absolutely not true! But I didn’t want to get into a big confrontation, so I waited until she was done. I whispered to my friend about it, who was equally shocked by the presentation, and then I approached Julie when someone else was done asking her a question.

I tried to be friendly as I told her that it’s definitely possible to learn how to ejaculate, that I have, and that I know of a lot of others who have too. Her response was to tell me that it’s a big thing in porn to ejaculate, and that it puts unnecessary pressure on people and that plenty of people are just fine without it. I understand that this may be the case for some people, but isn’t that why we’re here at a g-spot class, to learn about stimulating the g-spot?

I tried talking to her more about my concerns with what she’d said, but it was going nowhere. I started feeling pretty uncomfortable talking to her, and I’m not great with confrontation, so I let it go and went back to looking at toys and talking to the owner.

I wasn’t planning on critiquing the workshop at all, but I feel obligated to say something about the misinformation in the class. We already have enough people claiming the g-spot isn’t real and that female ejaculation isn’t real or you have to be a porn star to do it, and the fact that a sex educator is furthering these misconceptions worries me. If I didn’t already know what the g-spot is and how to stimulate mine, I would have left the workshop confused, frustrated, and discouraged.

It’s definitely possible to learn how to ejaculate. I’ve done it, plenty of others have done it, and there are books and classes that can help. Not everyone can do it, and not everyone likes it, and that’s fine, but there’s certainly nothing wrong with wanting to or trying to learn.

There are a plethora of misconceptions about the g-spot. It isn’t the be all end all of female pleasure. It’s not a magic place you can just find and immediately start having the best orgasms of your life. Everyone’s g-spot is different, some are more sensitive than others, and not everyone enjoys the way g-spot stimulation feels.

But the g-spot is a real, physical thing. Period.

From The Smart Girl's Guide to the G-spot

From The Smart Girl’s Guide to the G-spot

*Helpful G-Spot Links & Resources:

Does the G-Spot Exist? – She Blog

Female Ejaculation & the G-Spot – Deborah Sundahl

G-spot Resource Guide & G-spot Facts – Violet Blue

How To Find the G-Spot – Ducky Doolittle

The G-Spot Does Exist! – Oh, Megan!

The Secrets of Great G-Spot Orgasms & Female Ejaculation

The Smart Girl’s Guide to the G-Spot

Tristan Taormino, Danny Wylde, & Dylan Ryan Talk the G-spot

**Update 6/27**

The owner of Q Toy’s response to my post (which I emailed her about) was mostly dismissive. She said that she wouldn’t address Julie’s stance on female ejaculation because she had already talked to her about it and knew they disagreed on the subject (so she knew before the workshop that the educator doesn’t believe women can learn to ejaculate, which is a problem.)

As for the g-spot not existing, she defended the presentation, saying that no one was claiming the g-spot doesn’t exist, only that the scientific community hasn’t agreed on it etc. But as I explained before, the presentation started by saying that no one knows if the g-spot exists or what it is, and Julie didn’t assert that it is real or explain the basics of what it is. Hence the ??? on the diagram.  She did say that if I took it that way, others might too, so she’d talk to Julie about re-framing the discussion, which is something, but the fact that she defended the presentation and made it seem like it was acceptable and normal is frustrating. Not surprisingly, she also said she wished I had come to her before posting (which actually means, I wish you had come to me so I could convince you not to post.)

I explained myself further in another email, although I feel it was already properly addressed in my post:

“I wanted to wait until the presentation was over to bring it up to be polite, but as I said in my post, I was not able to engage in a constructive conversation with Julie. When I said there are books about the g-spot, she immediately said they don’t know what they’re talking about. I responded, “Violet Blue doesn’t know what she’s talking about?” and she said “no, definitely not,” immediately dismissing me. The way she described female ejaculation & trying to learn was also sarcastic and negative. A workshop space should not be a place that makes fun of people who are trying to learn about female ejaculation or any sexual topic.”

I never heard back after that. After her response to my 1st email & lack of response to my 2nd, I don’t feel comfortable shopping at Q Toys again, which is unfortunate because I liked the store. Also, from the response I got, it seems the problematic presentation will continue mostly as is, with the same presenter.

Deborah Sundahl’s Class and Thoughts on Female Ejaculation

Ever since I gushed all over my bed for the first time, I’ve hoped I would get a chance to meet the head cheerleader of my squirting escapades. And no I’m not talking about myself, or even my wonderful boyfriend, or the Seymore Butts porn stars with expert squirting skills that we watched together. I’m talking about Deborah Sundahl, the woman who quietly encouraged my g-spot exploration from behind the pages of her amazing book, Female Ejaculation and the G-Spot.

Lucky for me, Deborah came to Austin last week to teach some classes, and as soon as I found out I bought 2 tickets*. When the day rolled around neither Jake or I knew what to expect, and I admit I was somewhat disappointed that there wasn’t a huge fountain in the front of the class, or women pen in hand ready to take notes on the subject (besides me of course) or  really anything other than what you would expect— a room with folding chairs, 20 or so students (both singles and couples), a Powerpoint presentation, and of course Deborah, a lovely woman in a flowered dress smiling behind glasses as she discussed the often (unnecessarily) taboo topic of female ejaculation.

The presentation itself was basically a condensed version of her book, starting with an overview of the history of ejaculation and then moving into the anatomy of the g-spot. As she explained facts about the female prostate, like that it has a vine like shape and emits ejaculate, the class was mainly silent and not many participated in discussion. But after showing a short video of an up-close shot of a woman’s g-spot and ejaculate trickling out, the discussion began to flow as well, and more people chimed in with their questions and experiences. One woman could ejaculate already but hadn’t experienced a g-spot orgasm, and another may have squirted but thought it could have been pee.  A man sitting next to me wanted to know if ejaculate is different from other vaginal lubrication, and another wondered if having ejaculation as a goal could lead to performance anxiety for women.

As people began to talk more, some of their questions reflected the various reasons why women don’t ejaculate or have g-spot orgasms. For many, it’s a lack of knowledge. Before she started the video, the TV screen was frozen on a close up of the woman’s vagina, and when she asked if anyone could see her g-spot, only 4 people had raised their hands, two of which were Jake and I. After the video action, everyone saw it; it was there the whole time, yet most people couldn’t identify it at first. Deborah also explained that due to its location there’s no way you cannot stimulate the g-spot during penetration, so the issue of women who can’t find or feel their g-spot is usually a problem of awareness (it certainly was for me at first.) For many women, ejaculation often suffers a similar fate, either going unnoticed as extra wetness or negatively noticed as pee or some unknown substance. Once we know about the g-spot, where it’s located, and how it looks and feels when stimulated, we’re one huge step closer to ejaculation and g-spot pleasure.

As far as my own ejaculation journey, the most crucial point I learned from Deborah’s teachings is that “letting go” is the biggest obstacle to female ejaculation. When I say “letting go” I mean fully allowing ourselves to be in the moment, and letting go of fear during sex, the fear of peeing, the fear of laughing, farting, screaming, whatever.  Although I didn’t decide to “let go” and immediately go squirt the night I finished her book (it took some time and exploration), reading her book definitely gave me an encouraging push in the right direction. It happens naturally for some women, but I feel that something was blocking me from ejaculating, and the book, as well as my efforts, my boyfriend, and some sex toys helped to remove.

Although I had already read about most of the topics that Deborah talked about in her class, I still enjoyed the classroom atmosphere, observing how others approached the topic, and meeting and talking to Deborah. Even though I can ejaculate now, I know I’m not done with my exploration of female ejaculation, both with my own experiences with it as well as learning about and hopefully encouraging other women’s. It seems so strange, especially after discovering my own innate ability to ejaculate, that female ejaculation is something that so many people still don’t know about. I only found out about it a few years ago while I was organizing porn when I worked at a sex shop and came across a film titled “Young Squirters 8” or something along those lines.

From talking to many people about sex both at the sex shop as well as in my personal life, I’ve discovered that female ejaculation isn’t something most people talk about openly. And if they do talk about it, I often get the impression that they think it’s something weird, even gross, or at the least something that’s more of a novelty for porn than for all women to experience. I hope to change that. Even if it’s just by telling other people about my own experiences (I’ve told more than I can count already) and by sharing my stories on this blog. I’ve discovered that ejaculating is a beautiful, satisfying, empowering part of my body and my sexuality, and I hope other women who haven’t already will discover that as well. Or at the very least I hope they learn what it is and know that it’s completely natural and acceptable.  So whatever your situation with female ejaculation, I encourage you to think about it, talk about it, and write about it. And hopefully soon female ejaculation won’t be seen as a novelty or as something weird but instead recognized as what it truly is— a natural, amazing, and powerful part of our sexuality.

*I bought tickets to her co-ed lecture class; she also had an all day women only hands on Feminine Flow workshop, which unfortunately I couldn’t attend as I had another event that day.

I squirted for the 1st time!

Last year I bought Deborah Sundah’s book Female Ejaculation & the G-Spot and began my quest towards squirting. I felt like it would be a life changing thing, something that I needed to accomplish before I could feel like a truly equal and powerful sexual partner. I read the book cover to cover and became more excited with every chapter, reading about how female ejaculation has been worshiped in many cultures, how it’s good for your health, and how empowering it is to so many people.

According the book, one of the biggest obstacles people have to overcome when learning to squirt is simply accepting that squirting is real (as in ejaculation fluid, not pee) and that it’s not only possible but also beautiful and just as natural as penis ejaculation.

I set my mind to it, had faith that I could squirt, followed Deborah’s advice, and began exploring my g-spot on my own. I approached it without any goal of an orgasm, following her instructions about massaging my g-spot until it felt full and pushing out like I had to pee. I tried on my own a couple of times, but felt like I wasn’t even close to squirting and ended up giving up. Jake tried to help me out a couple of times as well, but looking back, I was way too focused on the goal of squirting and not allowing myself to just be in the moment. I was putting too much performance pressure on myself, and I always felt frustration and disappointment when I couldn’t do it, even if I had a great g-spot orgasm. After my few attempts alone and with Jake last year, I gave up on my squirting goal and figured I would come back to it when I felt ready. We stopped talking about it, and I stopped trying to do it.

That all changed today.  Jake and I both had the day off, and we began to play, starting with him sucking and biting my nipples while I caressed my clit for awhile. “Let’s just do this for a long time,” he said, and I agreed. Playtime, pleasure, and exploration were the goal for the day, not sex (although we did end up having sex later.) We took our time, first my fingers on my clit and his lips on my breasts, then his lips on my clit, my fingers on my breasts, then my mouth around him as he stroked me; we slowly went through all of the possible combinations. Eventually he began fingering me, slowly at first, but with increasing speed and pressure. I was already extremely turned on and could feel my g-spot swelling and becoming larger by the moment. I concentrated on breathing deeply and succumbing to the warm feeling inside me as his fingers massaged my g-spot and I rubbed my clit between my fingers. After playing for awhile and having a few orgasms, I felt like my g-spot was so full that it was going to burst, so I tried pushing out.

“It seems like you’re ready,” Jake said as he kept fingering me, “you just pushed my hand completely out and I could see it (my g-spot.)” I pushed his fingers out again and pushed but nothing came out. So he continued, moving his fingers around inside of me, using firm pressure  as he cupped my g-spot, tugged on it, rolled it between his fingers, and pushed on it harder and harder and faster and faster until I had another orgasm that left me screaming and out of breath, and I gasped, “now!” As he pulled out his fingers I pushed until I felt a liquid erupt from inside me, squirting up into the air and down onto my thighs and the sheets beneath. After a few seconds of squirting, Jake thrust his fingers inside me again, but I still felt full and said, “wait, there’s more,” and kept pushing and squirting out more ejaculate. I felt it gush out of me like a stream flowing wildly, pushing away everything in its path until it was done—leaving the sheets under me completely soaked, Jake with a huge grin on his face, and me ecstatic and giggling, feeling high on the experience.

I did it, I finally reached one of my big sexual goals; I ejaculated. I let go of the fear of peeing and just let myself gush all over the fucking place, and it felt so good I literally jumped up and down afterwards. I think it finally happened because I was so relaxed and so turned on and not even thinking about it until the moment was right, and I was ready. I also don’t think I would have been able to squirt without first reading Deborah’s book because I didn’t know what to do, but I wasn’t able to let go and just do it until I had forgotten about the book and my squirting goal.

Afterwards I felt more than giddy and breathless like I normally feel after an orgasm; I felt more alive and full of emotions. I felt empowered, excited and extremely confident. I felt even more connected with Jake. I felt like I wanted to run around yelling and telling everyone I know.  I felt strong, peaceful, and in tune with myself. I felt like a river with natural and untamed vigor; my feminine fountain was finally flowing.

**Update–I met Deborah! And I’ve also attended other ejaculation workshops.