Tag Archives: kink

7 sex toys I want to try in 2017

2016 was kind of a shit show, and I didn’t try as many new toys as I’d like, but here’s to hoping this year is better–let’s start with a list of the top 7 toys I’m dying to try in 2017!

1. B.J. Dildo–Some of you may know of or remember Mr. Man, a dildo with a hole through the shaft that creates clit suction during a dildo blow job. It’s been discontinued for years now, but I was lucky enough to try Epiphora‘s last year, and it was marvelous. I loved it so much that I had my partner try to recreate it by drilling a hole into one of my less used dildos, but sadly it didn’t pan out. But alas, there’s a new B.J. Dildo now! And it comes in a lovely green! Someone just buy me one and attach it to my clit now, please and thanks.

 

2. Hitachi Magic Wand Rechargeable–The fact that I don’t have one of these yet is a travesty. I am one of the BIGGEST Hitachi fans out there, and I think the only reason I don’t have one yet is because I’m kinda old school, and the ancient plug-in Hitachi is still my bae. But I would like to get with the times and be able to share the Hitachi’s glory with others (the rechargeable has a silicone head), or bring it camping (I don’t really camp but if I ever do Hitachi will definitely need to come), and just use the new one’s lower settings (or would I even? who knows.) Plus my Hitachi is getting kind of lonely and could use some company.

 

3. Hole Punch Rad-ish— I’ve been wanting to try something from Hole Punch for a while now, and I want it to be the rad-ish because I’m vegan af and want to collect all of the veggie sex toys (and because Piph said the Plugs Bunny is too long, and yea, it looks too long.) Is it ridiculous if I say my butt is hungry for the rad-ish?

 

4. Fucking Sculptures Double Trouble–I honestly don’t know if I could even handle this dildo but damn I want to try, especially after how much Kate and other friends have raved about it. And I need more glass in my collection! And more big toys so I can work my way up and hopefully be able to fit the huge dildo I made last year in my vagina someday.

 

5. L’Amourose Prism V— I was sent the similar Prism VII last year, and it’s rumbly and gorgeous, but I want the version without the clitoral arm and also want to compare the two. Plus I just want more L’Amourose toys because they’re amazing.

 

6. Leyland Rainbow Glitter Riding Crop–Ever since I saw Artemisia’s review (and photos, damn just go look now for eyegasms), I’ve wanted this crop. It’s synthetic/vegan friendly and it’s so damn pretty. And I used to have a crop years ago that I loved which got ruined and want to replace it. Plus rainbow sparkles!

 

7. Split Peaches Unicorn Horn— It’s a rainbow unicorn horn dildo. Need I say more?

Also, I didn’t include some toys I’m still lusting over from my 2015 list because I didn’t want to be repetitive but I SO SO SO still want the SeductionEleven, G-Spoon, & Shilo.

Which toys are you dying to try in 2017? Let me know in the comments!

 

Best & Worst Sex Toys of 2014

This list includes the best and worst products that I reviewed during 2014! (They weren’t necessarily released in 2014.)

Best Vibrator

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LELO Mona 2– Mona–the vibe that’s so good, I chose it over pizza. It has a wide range of moderately strong vibration, it’s easy to use and hold, it’s waterproof, rechargeable, and incredibly versatile. It’s definitely one of the best LELO products I’ve ever tried, along with the awesome Luna Beads.

Runner Up: Eroscillator Top Deluxe Ultimate Combo– If I were to judge by orgasm alone, the Eroscillator would win over Mona. But the Eroscillator doesn’t have as many other redeeming qualities as Mona–it’s not waterproof or travel-friendly, and it’s not made of silicone. It’s also $115.95 more expensive than the already not cheap Mona for the version I have. In a perfect world, everyone should have an Eroscillator, but not everyone can drop $200+ on a vibe that isn’t even waterproof or discreet. That’s why Mona wins–it has more features and a better overall value than the Eros. If you have the money though, you should get one–your clit will thank you!

Best Dildo

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Vixen Creations Buck– Where do I begin? Buck is a beautiful creature. It’s made of Vixen’s incredibly realistic, squishy silicone VixSkin, and that head… If I had to choose to keep only a few of my dildos, Buck would be in the top 3, below only the amazing, insta-squirt inducing Pure Wand & Comet Wand.

Runner Up: Tantus Splash– I actually didn’t care for the Splash’s unique intense sensations at first…but like Fernet, it was an aquired taste, and now I can’t get enough. Thanks to the Splash, I am now a member of the exclusive “texture slut” club.

Best Butt Toy

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NobEssence Romp– I cannot truly express how amazing the Romp feels in my butt-I can only say that if you enjoy putting things in your butt, you need to experience it. And not only does it feel amazing, it’s fucking beautiful. Just look at it. All hail the Romp!

Runner Up: Fun Factory Bootie– I don’t use the Bootie often anymore because it’s a little on the small side for my tastes now, but it is the perfect beginner plug. It’s small and easy to insert but also stimulating and super comfortable to wear around, and it’s also affordable. Yay, Bootie!

Best BDSM Toy

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Tantus Plunge– It’s an intense paddle, with a dildo-handle. It’s also 100% silicone & completely sterilizable, unlike most paddles. Need I say more?

Runner Up: Bettie Page Picture This Spanking Bat– I love all things Bettie Page, so I fell in love with this gorgeous paddle the moment I laid eyes on it. It doesn’t hurt much, so it’s great for beginner impact play or for those who don’t like a lot of pain…or for any die hard Bettie fan, of course.

Best Book

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The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy by Violet Blue- Violet Blue’s Ultimate Guide to Fantasy is chock full of helpful information and ideas for adding excitement to your sex life. At 256 pages, it’s not exactly light reading, but Blue pulls you in with an accessible, easy to read tone and exciting topics that will keep you interested the whole way through.

Runner Up: 50 Shades of Kink by Tristan Toarmino- This book should be required reading for anyone interested in BDSM and kink. Taormino stresses the importance of consent, communication, and safety while she discusses the basics of BDSM and power play.

Best Bargain

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Tracey Cox Supersex Toner Balls– Simple and effective, the Tracey Cox Toner Balls are a solid set of kegel balls, and for only $26.99, they’re a steal!

Runner Up: Tantus Slow Drive– The Slow Drive is an amazing little g-spotter and my go-to recommendation for an affordable first time g-spot dildo. At full price it’s only $37.40 with code PENNY at checkout, & right now the limited edition purple haze version is only $25.50 with code PENNY. For a high quality 100% silicone dildo, that is ridiculously cheap!

Worst Toy

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LELO Ida– My version of Ida’s product description: Ida: the toy for those who like a challenge (can YOU finish without crying?) 

Runner Up: Vibratex Princessa– The Princessa looks like a cross between a flower, a nipple, a bug, and an alien, which I love, but unfortunately it has some of the weakest, buzziest vibrations I’ve ever felt.

Biggest Disappointment

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LELO Smart Bead– I was really excited to try out the Smart Bead, which is supposed to measure your “orgasm potential” (aka kegel strength) and then give you a customized 5 minute kegel routine–you squeeze when it vibrates and relax your muscles when it stops. Sadly, the Smart Bead doesn’t seem to measure kegel strength at all, and its vibration is so weak you can barely feel it in use. Oh, and it’s battery operated and has a seam on the part you insert, so lube and vag juice seeps into the bead. A gimmicky, impossible to clean, weak ass toy for $109? Hell no. 

Runner Up: Shibari Halo Wand– I had high hopes for the Halo Wand since it was the first rechargable wand vibrator I’ve tried, and it features a silicone head, unlike many wands, but its vibration is buzzy, and it cannot get me off. Fail.

Most Entertaining Review

Lovehoney Sensual Glass Plug

Lovehoney Sensual Glass Plug– Two words: butthole failure. I did finally get that sucker in, but oh boy was it a journey.

Runner Up: Fun Factory B Balls– There’s something funny about butt toys that fail, isn’t there? I’ve given the B Balls the nickname “poo balls.” Yes, they induced pooping when I used them, and no, it was not pleasant– but it was kind of hilarious.

Well, that’s all folks! What were your favorite and least favorite toys of 2014? Do you agree with my list? Have your own list? Let me know in the comments!

Let’s Play a Game (Spuffy Erotica)

“There’s a time and place for everything, and I believe it’s called ‘fan fiction’.”
Joss Whedon

Disclaimer: Spike & Buffy are property of Mutant Enemy & Joss Whedon. I don’t own Spike & Buffy, I just borrow them for writing masturbation fodder. 

“Let’s play a game Spike,” Buffy says, tilting her head coyly, her curly blonde ponytail brushing her nearly bare shoulders. As she enters Spike’s crypt, the heels of her black boots click against the stone floor. Spike looks up from his couch but away from her, avoiding eye contact. He’s immediately turned on by her sweet smell and gorgeous, petite figure, and this annoys the hell out of him.

“Oh right, is this the game where we destroy a house with our naked wrestling, and then you call me disgusting in the morning?” he says, meeting her eyes now, his lips twitching.

“Or the one where you kick my ass and go off about how you’re the good one, and I’m all pure evil, blood sucking and demon-like?” he says, picking up a glass of vodka on the table next to him, “Because I’m really not in the mood for either one, pet.”

Buffy puts her free hand on her hip and smirks.

“Maybe a little bit of both. Or maybe something completely different,” she says.

Spike raises his eyebrow as he notices the black leather bag that Buffy holds in her other hand. He leans back on the couch, trying to hide his curiosity.

“I’m really not in the mood for games, love. Not tonight. If you want to get me naked just say so, or get out.”

“Don’t call me love.”

Buffy approaches him, setting the bag on the floor nearby. She lifts herself on to his lap, straddling him. Her warmth is intoxicating, her breath a seductive whisper. He looks up at her, confused. She doesn’t usually act like this.

“Call me Slayer.”

“Oh, what is this? Are you on some kind of power trip? More than usual I mean. Are you going to tell me what to do now?” he says. “Do you want me to pretend I’m afraid of the big bad Slayer?”

“Shut up Spike,” Buffy answers as she delivers a nasty blow to his jaw, the aching from her powerful force echoing through his cheek.

“Bloody hell, woman, what do you want from me?” he says, rubbing his face.

“For one, don’t call me woman.”

“Fine, Slayer, what are you getting at?”

“I told you I want to play a game,” Buffy says, pouting her lips a little, running her hands along his chest, “and the first rule is, that you belong to me, get it?”

“Oh yeah, since when?” says Spike, rolling his eyes. “Are you going to tell your friends about us, about these little games you love so much?”

“Shut up Spike.” Buffy pulls her fist back, “unless you want me to hit you again?”

“Fine, I’m yours. What do you want from me?”

“Hmm, what do I want?” Buffy moves closer against him, sliding her hips until they lock in with his, their noses almost touching. She wraps her hands around his neck, squeezing.

“Ow, Buffy” Spike gasps as her grip tightens, “that hurts!”

“It’s supposed to,” she smirks, “I can tell you like it.”

He hardens beneath her, his body responding to the pain the way she knew it would. She releases his neck, moving her hands down to his collar.

“You know me so well, don’t you Slayer,” he laughs.

“Shut up!” Buffy says, ripping his shirt down the middle.

“Dammit Buffy, that’s my favorite one!” he says, holding up the tattered remains, “now I’ll have to steal another.”

She pulls him in close, her lips to his ear. Spike tries not to shake as his whole body tenses from the feel of her on top of him, from her breath, her soft skin.

“I told you not to call me Buffy,” she whispers, biting him on the neck, roughly.

He groans with the pain, but it only makes him harder, makes him want her more.

“It’s your turn to see how it feels,” she says before she pulls herself away from him, standing up. Spike rubs his neck, trying to pretend he’s annoyed when really he just wants her to do it again, to do anything that involves her touching him.

“So, what’s the game, Slayer?” he asks, trying to sound cool.

Buffy picks up the bag from the floor and pulls out heavy shackles and chains.

“It’s about trust, Spike,” she says. His eyes widen. He flinches a little as the chains clang loudly when she drops them onto the table.

She lifts up her black halter, slowly, revealing her smooth skin and bare breasts beneath. Spike opens his mouth, tilting his head slightly as he eyes her lustfully.

“So, do you trust me?” she asks.

“Well now, this could be incredibly kinky, and in that case, I’m in,” he says, running his fingers through his peroxide blonde hair.  He stands up, walking towards her, “Or maybe, you’ve decided you’re done with the games, and you have a stake in that bag,” he says as he circles around her, looking down into her green eyes. He stops.

“Maybe you’ll kill me.”

“Hmmm, I guess you’re right, Spikey,” Buffy answers, her voice mockingly sweet, “are you scared?”

“Hardly,” he scoffs back.  “Fine, I’ll play. You might as well put me out of my damn misery anyway, it’s not like I have anything to live for.”

“Oh, don’t say that Spikey, you have plenty to live for…at least until I’m done with you. Now be a good beastie and do as I say.”

Buffy walks over to the bed, feeding the chain through solid metal hooks on the wall.

“Down, Spike,” she says, nodding at the bed. He lies down, letting her lock the cuffs around his wrists.

“So, what’ll it be Slayer? What do you want from me?” he says, trying to mask his slight fear and overwhelming longing for her.

“You know what I want,” she says as she pulls off his pants, revealing his hard, pale, icy cock.

Spike smiles his evil smile, ready to get down to it, but Buffy punches him in the chest, her little knuckles leaving his skin burning.

“Ow, bloody hell!”

“I want to hurt you,” Buffy says, “And I want you to like it.”

This time she slaps his chin, his neck twisting from the power of her hand, the pain echoing through his skin and downwards.

“I like it,” he says, “You know I do.”

“Good,” she says, pulling off her boots, jeans, and lacy panties.

Buffy jumps on top of him, straddling him again, but this time she rubs herself over his cock, her clit tingling as it grazes him.

She grabs his nipples, her super strength pinching them way past the point of light foreplay. It feels like she’s ripping them off. Spike growls, his arms thrashing as he tries to break free. Buffy stops, staring at him solemnly. He thinks he sees love in her sad eyes, something real. His thoughts are interrupted as she slaps him again, without breaking her gaze. And again, and again.

Just as he begins to feel dizzy, his head pounding, she stops. She leans in and kisses him, and everything disappears, the aching he always feels, the pain, the longing. There’s only her sweet taste, her opposing strength and her soft feel, her smell.

And suddenly, a sharp jab at his heart. Literally. While she was kissing him, she’d reached beside the bed and pulled a stake out of her bag. He stiffens as she presses it lightly on his skin, smiling now.

Spike’s eyes widen; this time he can’t think of a witty comment. He looks up at her, half hoping she’s serious, that she’ll just kill him already.

Oh, what’s the use, he thinks. He relaxes his body, giving in. He closes his eyes. He feels the sharp end begin to pierce his skin, blood trickling lightly. The pain is nothing compared to what’s inside, beneath it. “Just do it already,” he says. Just when he thinks it’s really over, Buffy slides his cock inside her and clenches her warm wetness around him.

Spike moans, opening his eyes. Her hair falls over her face and her beautiful breasts, and she looks down on him, gasping. “Tell me you’re mine, Spike,” she says as she thrusts her hips, her hand pressing against where the stake was, blood smearing beneath her fingers.

“You know I’m always yours,” he says.

Review: Bettie Page Collar Me Set

pennysblog_collarme1Bettie Page goodies…will I ever have enough? The latest item I’ve added to my collection is the Bettie Page Collar Me set.

Like the Spanking Bat & Cuffs, the Bettie Page Bondage Collar & Leash set is part of a collection of chic kink products made by Lovehoney for fans of Bettie Page and retro style. The Collar Me set features a collar & leash made of black faux leather with a 27″ connector chain. Similar to Bettie Cuffs, the collar closes with a buckle and is adjustable (13-17″ with 7 holes,) with an easy release clip that connects the leash to an O-ring on the collar. As with the other Bettie items, the Collar Me set comes with a bonus collector playing card & keychain.

One thing I noticed when inspecting the collar is that collar’s faux leather doesn’t quite match the leash part/cuffs/spanking bat (it’s slightly less textured.) When I brought it up to Lovehoney they pointed out that with all materials there’s a possibility of variations between cuts and that makes the items more unique. It’s a subtle difference, but it’s worth mentioning.

pennysblog_collarme2In use, the collar is light and comfortable with soft velvet lining, and I can wear it for long periods of time and forget it’s there. It’s also fairly easy to put on by myself (the hardest part is threading the extra material through the loop.) It’s my first collar and leash set, so I don’t have anything to compare it to, but it’s comfortable, sexy, and easy to use.

I do have one issue with my collar that I can’t get quite get over though–it has a permanent crease from being folded to fit it in its box (as you can see in the photos.) At first I figured it wasn’t a big deal, and I thought it would go away after wearing it for a while, but it didn’t. I tried stacking books on top of it and leaving it like that overnight, but the crease is still there. It may not seem like a big deal, but a weird crease takes away from the polished look of the product (which isn’t cheap at $75.) It’s also not easy to store the collar in the box without folding it & further creasing it.

pennysblog_bettiecollectionLike the Bettie Cuffs, the Bettie Collar is light, comfortable, and thin as compared to other standard bdsm items, so it’s ideal for those who seek restraints that are stylish but not heavy duty or intense looking. If it weren’t for the crease, it’d get my endorsement for those looking for a comfortable, lightweight, & sexy collar and leash set, so I’m hoping Lovehoney will consider updating its packaging somehow to prevent that in the future. In the meantime, I definitely recommend the Spanking Bat, which is absolutely gorgeous & my favorite item from the line so far.

Thanks Lovehoney!

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