I miss the days of Toy With Me Tuesday. If you’ve been following me for a while, you might remember that it was a meme for sharing fun and artistic photos of sex toys. It’s not active anymore, but I’m going to start posting Toy Tuesday photos again because I <3 sex toy photography.
Remember you can buy my prints like this one from my Etsy shop! Fave my shop to see updates and new listings!
When I got my first three VixSkin dildos (Buck, Johnny, & Tex), in my early notes for Johnny I wrote: Girthy. Delicious. Maybe my fave of the three. After months of using them all, Buck ended up winning the battle for my absolute favorite, but I still love Johnny as well.
Johnny is made of Vixen Creations’ addictive VixSkin dual density silicone, which features a firm core and a squishy, soft, skin-like outer layer. It feels incredibly realistic, and since it’s silicone, it’s hygienic and non-porous, unlike the majority of realistic dildos you see in a lot of sex toy stores that are often made of toxic materials (dildos you couldn’t pay me to touch now, much less put near my genitals.)
Johnny is similar to Buck in that it’s large (7″ long), uber-realistic, and quite girthy (1.75″) and veiny, but the most obvious difference is that Johnny has balls. Slightly lopsided, wrinkly, glorious balls. Johnny also has a more prominent curve, a longer, less pronounced head, and foreskin texture.
And let’s talk about that curve, shall we: it’s absolutely perfect for putting constant, fabulous pressure on my g-spot. Its head doesn’t protrude as much as Buck’s, so the g-spot stimulation feels different–it strokes more than it nudges or tugs. Johnny’s girth stretches me in an exquisite way, and its foreskin’s texture feels great stimulating my vaginal opening and g-spot during thrusting. The combination of Johnny’s curve, girth, and texture usually ends with a squirty mess.
Johnny’s balls are pretty epic, but they also make it a little harder to wield. I’m glad I have Johnny because I feel like my collection would be sadly lacking without a big, ballsy cock, but overall the balls don’t really add much for me during use.
Johnny is not a toy for when my vag is feeling finicky: I need to be in the zone. And I don’t go from zero to Johnny–I start with something smaller like Tex or Mustang, and move on to Johnny when my vag is like ok that feels good, now LET’S DO THIS! Its girth and texture also requires that I use quite a bit of lube, and every time I use Johnny I get a little closer to finally caving and getting a lube dispenser.
Another thing I should mention that’s come up since my Buck review–VixSkin is delicate and should be treated gently. Don’t ask me how it happened, but my Buck now has some light teeth marks around its head. They’re not so deep that it’s ruined, but I’m just saying…don’t let human (or pet) teeth get a hold of your VixSkin dildos.
If you’re looking for a curved, girthy, realistic dildo with hefty balls and some texture, you’ll probably love Johnny. If you don’t want balls, but you still want a girthy realistic dildo for intense g-spot stimulation, go with Buck. If you’re looking for a slimmer, shorter dildo, Mustang and Tex are both less girthy but still feature awesome g-spotting heads. Whatever you do, if you don’t have any VixSkin yet, get some! It’s a game changer.
Like all Vixen dildos, Johnny has a flared based (and balls!), so it’s safe for anal play and can be used in a harness. My Johnny is caramel, but it also comes in vanilla and chocolate.
Thanks Vixen Creations for sending me Johnny in exchange for an honest review! (If you buy through my affiliate links I will make a small commission, but this does not affect my reviews, which are always fair and honest. Trust me, I will tell youwhena toysucks.)
While I might not get to try all of these, I’d like to try at least half of them–wish me luck! Also, I’m constantly lusting after new toys–to see them all, check out my wishlist on Pinterest! Or, if you’re feeling super generous, you can buy me something anonymously through my Lovehoney wishlist!
1. Neon Wand+Power Tripper– I can’t shut up about how much I want the Neon Wand. When I visited my best friend in LA, we played with one in three different sex shops. If you’ve never heard of it, it’s a device that discharges static electricity, which depending on the intensity you set it to, can range from feeling like a warm tingle to a focused sting. When paired with the Power Tripper, it basically turns you into a human-e-stim (electrical stimulation) device, so that when you touch someone, you send sparks and tingles to their skin. Um. NEED.
2. L’Amourose Rosa Rouge– Ever since I read Dangerous Lilly’s rave review, I’ve been dying to get my hands on the Rosa Rogue, a waterproof rechargeable vibrator with powerful vibration that also warms up! Lilly is super picky about vibes, so if she loves it, I’m pretty sure I will too!
3. NobEssence Seduction– The fact that I don’t have a Seduction yet is a travesty. Epiphora has deemed it part of “the trifecta” of basically perfect, miraculous g-spotting dildos, along with the Pure Wand & Comet Wand (my 2 fave dildos!)…so obviously I need one in my vagina, like yesterday. Also, it’s made of gorgeous sealed wood, and I need something to match my Romp in photos!
4. New York Toy Collective Shilo (Blue & Yellow)- I felt the Shilo when I was at the Pleasure Chest in LA last year, and its silicone was so squishy and fabulous. And just look at that juicy blue and yellow combo!
Update 6/21: I tried it at Dildo Holiday & now I want one even more!
5. Fucking Sculptures G -Spoon (Medium)- I’ve lusted after FS dildos ever since they opened up shop, with their bad ass to the point name–FUCKING Sculptures–and their breathtaking glass designs…but it was Aerie’s review that really peaked my interest. In the review, Aerie says the G-Spoon helped them find their A-spot…an erogenous zone I’m not really familiar with. I love making new discoveries about my body, so I must try one, stat!
6. Stronic Eins– This is another toy that I’m a bit ashamed to admit I don’t have yet. It uses magics (ok, magnets) that make the toy thrust itself back and forth! Piph loves it, and I’d really like to finally review one this year.
7. MyStim Tickling Truman– The Tickling Truman is a vibrator that also has has e-stim, sort of like a neon wand for your vag! I need to know what the tingling sensations feel like!
8. Njoy Eleven– The Njoy Eleven strikes equal parts fear and excitement in my vag…a 2″ girth and 2.75 lbs of stainless steel?! Can I do it?! I think I can! I have faith in the power of my vag.
9. Crave Vesper– It’s a vibrator that’s also a necklace! Y’all know I would so wear it everywhere. I’ve also never tried a Crave toy and want to change that.
10. Vixen Creations Randy– I’m addicted to Vixen’s squishy, realistic dual density VixSkin silicone and want to collect all of their dildos. Randy is at the top of my list though because it’s the girthiest one they make…it’s a beast that I want to conquer!
12. Gorge Ohwell Silencing Slider Cheeseburger Gag– The fact that this exists make me so fucking happy. A cheeseburger ball gag?! Made of 100% silicone? Please, put it in my mouth now! Update 12/8/16–Not into this anymore now that I’m vegan…time for someone to make a vegan version please with a veggie burger & a faux leather strap! 🙂
13. Tantus Cush– I’ve heard great things about the Cush from Epiphora & Aerie, and I’m always down for more Tantus, so I’d love to try the Cush. And I don’t usually like pink toys…but this one looks like cotton candy, and I want to eat it. And use it. And photograph it with cotton candy. Please and thank you.
This list includes the best and worst products that I reviewed during 2014! (They weren’t necessarily released in 2014.)
LELO Mona 2– Mona–the vibe that’s so good, I chose it over pizza. It has a wide range of moderately strong vibration, it’s easy to use and hold, it’s waterproof, rechargeable, and incredibly versatile. It’s definitely one of the best LELO products I’ve ever tried, along with the awesome Luna Beads.
Runner Up: Eroscillator Top Deluxe Ultimate Combo– If I were to judge by orgasm alone, the Eroscillator would win over Mona. But the Eroscillator doesn’t have as many other redeeming qualities as Mona–it’s not waterproof or travel-friendly, and it’s not made of silicone. It’s also $115.95 more expensive than the already not cheap Mona for the version I have. In a perfect world, everyone should have an Eroscillator, but not everyone can drop $200+ on a vibe that isn’t even waterproof or discreet. That’s why Mona wins–it has more features and a better overall value than the Eros. If you have the money though, you should get one–your clit will thank you!
Vixen Creations Buck– Where do I begin? Buck is a beautiful creature. It’s made of Vixen’s incredibly realistic, squishy silicone VixSkin, and that head… If I had to choose to keep only a few of my dildos, Buck would be in the top 3, below only the amazing, insta-squirt inducing Pure Wand & Comet Wand.
Runner Up: Tantus Splash– I actually didn’t care for the Splash’s unique intense sensations at first…but like Fernet, it was an aquired taste, and now I can’t get enough. Thanks to the Splash, I am now a member of the exclusive “texture slut” club.
Best Butt Toy
NobEssence Romp– I cannot truly express how amazing the Romp feels in my butt-I can only say that if you enjoy putting things in your butt, you need to experience it. And not only does it feel amazing, it’s fucking beautiful. Just look at it. All hail the Romp!
Runner Up: Fun Factory Bootie– I don’t use the Bootie often anymore because it’s a little on the small side for my tastes now, but it is the perfect beginner plug. It’s small and easy to insert but also stimulating and super comfortable to wear around, and it’s also affordable. Yay, Bootie!
Best BDSM Toy
Tantus Plunge– It’s an intense paddle, with a dildo-handle. It’s also 100% silicone & completely sterilizable, unlike most paddles. Need I say more?
Runner Up: Bettie Page Picture This Spanking Bat– I love all things Bettie Page, so I fell in love with this gorgeous paddle the moment I laid eyes on it. It doesn’t hurt much, so it’s great for beginner impact play or for those who don’t like a lot of pain…or for any die hard Bettie fan, of course.
The Ultimate Guide to Sexual Fantasy by Violet Blue- Violet Blue’s Ultimate Guide to Fantasy is chock full of helpful information and ideas for adding excitement to your sex life. At 256 pages, it’s not exactly light reading, but Blue pulls you in with an accessible, easy to read tone and exciting topics that will keep you interested the whole way through.
Runner Up: 50 Shades of Kink by Tristan Toarmino- This book should be required reading for anyone interested in BDSM and kink. Taormino stresses the importance of consent, communication, and safety while she discusses the basics of BDSM and power play.
Runner Up: Tantus Slow Drive– The Slow Drive is an amazing little g-spotter and my go-to recommendation for an affordable first time g-spot dildo. At full price it’s only $37.40 with code PENNY at checkout, & right now the limited edition purple haze version is only $25.50 with code PENNY. For a high quality 100% silicone dildo, that is ridiculously cheap!
LELO Ida– My version of Ida’s product description: Ida: the toy for those who like a challenge (can YOU finish without crying?)
Runner Up: Vibratex Princessa– The Princessa looks like a cross between a flower, a nipple, a bug, and an alien, which I love, but unfortunately it has some of the weakest, buzziest vibrations I’ve ever felt.
LELO Smart Bead– I was really excited to try out the Smart Bead, which is supposed to measure your “orgasm potential” (aka kegel strength) and then give you a customized 5 minute kegel routine–you squeeze when it vibrates and relax your muscles when it stops. Sadly, the Smart Bead doesn’t seem to measure kegel strength at all, and its vibration is so weak you can barely feel it in use. Oh, and it’s battery operated and has a seam on the part you insert, so lube and vag juice seeps into the bead. A gimmicky, impossible to clean, weak ass toy for $109? Hell no.
Runner Up: Shibari Halo Wand– I had high hopes for the Halo Wand since it was the first rechargable wand vibrator I’ve tried, and it features a silicone head, unlike many wands, but its vibration is buzzy, and it cannot get me off. Fail.
Most Entertaining Review